u/JCM800Panzer

I love my girlfriend very much and while we are apart I’m starting a diary where I will journal the times in the day that I think of her and I’m looking for an old school 90’s feeling saying that I want to repeat hopefully until the very end, like deep lovers language to express to her that I won’t let her go no matter what she is the one.

She is very soft hearted but tries to hide it with her alternative style tough image, & unless you know pls look up alt p.rn star images lol that’s her, I am also a rock musician and Slavic myself so I have deep appreciation for 80-90 nostalgia from my homeland and always say things like “срце мое” or “duшо моја” to her when we hugged.

**I want the thing to mean or represent the fact that I won’t ever abandon her** as she has shown me that she may have those kind of fears and we are living apart at this time.

I love my girlfriend very much and while we are apart I’m starting a diary where I will journal the times in the day that I think of her and I’m looking for an old school 90’s feeling saying that I want to repeat hopefully until the very end, like deep lovers language to express to her that I won’t let her go no matter what.

She is very soft hearted but tries to hide it with her alternative style tough image, & unless you know pls look up alt p.rn star images lol that’s her, I am also a rock musician and Slavic myself so I have deep appreciation for 80-90 nostalgia from my homeland and always say things like “срце мое” or “душо моја” to her when we hugged.

I want the thing to mean or represent the fact that I won’t ever abandon her as she has shown me that she may have those kind of fears and we are living apart at this time.

Real talk: I've been writing playing live for 35 years. Guitar, drums, vocals. But my brain is fried, I hate menus, and I need sounds *now*.

I don't want too much synths or chord progressions. I want 180 BPM where your legs move before you decide they should. Raw complex kicks (often the ones that sound like they very in pitch fade like in the Angerfist stuff) . Twisted samples objects spinning. Servo motors. Metal hammering. Propellers screaming.

Think Angerfist. Think The Prodigy. Not the basslines the *noise* around the beats.

Constraints:

- Mac M4 (running on low storage for few weeks)

- No MIDI keyboard (need mouse-friendly presets)

- If it takes more than 2 clicks to sound aggressive, I'm out

If you were stuck on a deserted island with only 3-4 plugins to make this kind of noise (with high chance that it will make a healthy live backing track) for the rest of your life… what would you bring?

I saved up carefully, I’m off work only few weeks as ex hard drives aren’t in.

I’m a bit impatient to have some fun whiles plenty of inspiration

I just don’t have the time to learn $300 toys.

Real talk: I've been writing playing live for 35 years. Guitar, drums, vocals. But my brain is fried, I hate menus, and I need sounds *now*.

I don't want too much synths or chord progressions. I want 180 BPM where your legs move before you decide they should. Raw complex kicks (often the ones that sound like they very in pitch fade like in the Angerfist stuff) . Twisted samples objects spinning. Servo motors. Metal hammering. Propellers screaming.

Think Angerfist. Think The Prodigy. Not the basslines the *noise* around the beats.

Constraints:

- Mac M4 (running on low storage for few weeks)

- No MIDI keyboard (need mouse-friendly presets)

- If it takes more than 2 clicks to sound aggressive, I'm out

If you were stuck on a deserted island with only 3-4 plugins to make this kind of noise (with high chance that it will make a healthy live backing track) for the rest of your life… what would you bring?

I saved up carefully, I’m off work only few weeks as ex hard drives aren’t in.

I’m a bit impatient to have some fun whiles plenty of inspiration

I just don’t have the time to learn $300 toys.

I see daily posts asking "Should I reach out?" or "How long do I wait?" without much clarity on what actually works. I'm trying to cut through that.

My situation involved a short but intense connection that ended in a block after I pushed for clarity. I've owned my part in the escalation, but she was never clear on exactly what I did, or if it was something I did at all.

If you've been on the side of blocking or pulling away early, and you eventually reconciled:

1. What specifically shifted for you? Was it something they did (or didn't do), or an internal change of heart?
2. Looking back, was getting back together a good decision or a mistake?
3. If you could advise a younger version of yourself with BD, would you say blocking is a necessary tool, or does it often create more confusion than it solves?
4. Was there a specific moment, conversation, or action that marked the shift toward reconciliation? If so, what was it?
5. Is it possible to miss someone deeply and still choose not to reconnect? If so, what usually drives that decision fear, self-protection, or something else?

I'm not looking for magic answers just real experiences.

Honestly, part of me is hoping to learn enough to be ready if she ever decides to revisit this, but right now my aim is understanding for my own closure unless she gives me reason to think otherwise.

Based on everything I value in a partner she has the strengths over anyone I met in this area so far but I now realise she maybe missed all this due to her being manic.

Context: I'm a 48M with work and business knowledge from three continents I've lived on. She's 37F she was on medication and I’m not sure she is as I’m blocked.

My relationship may sound uncomplicated because it was short, but I assure you it holds more chaos than many 25-year marriages (possibly more than she realized). My 12-year marriage wasn't this complex.

I have extra time this week/June/July and am open to a DM exchange to walk through our stories, or even a cultural/language exchange if that helps. No pressure to share yours if you don't want to.