u/Jabobazoid

I am a 25 year old, I've been in a relationship with I believe to be the love of my life. She is 22 and is still in College finishing her last year of her Mechanical Engineering degree. We've been together for coming up on 5 years. It is still a long-distance relationship but we are currently working on moving in with each other. I am the one making the sacrifice to leave my position/find a new position to be able to move in with her. I have a great full-time job and 2 side jobs and I feel I do pretty well for myself. Mind you, I do not have any qualms with leaving my position to move in with her. There are other personal complications with her being geographically close to her family that make her uncomfortable so I understand that perspective and am trying to unfortunately uproot my career and move it towards her.

We are progressing in the relationship to the point where I am close to proposing and really thinking about our future. We have before, but we're at the time and place where we're starting to make it happen. She has always been very sure of the future she wants, things planned out and non-negotiables that she has communicated with me early on that I agreed with and some that we've compromised on. I can't express this enough, she is a wonderful lady and I have nothing bad to say about this woman. One of these non-negotiables is that she would like to have kids when she is younger...specifically 25-26 which is how old I am.

I have always been on the fence about kids in general. She has been the only person I have considered having kids with. I was always waiting for the "you'll want kids when you're older.." or the "you might change your mind..." to kick in, but it never has. We had a conversation a while ago talking about our future, kids, etc. and I told her that I don't necessarily know that I want kids and I need to really think about it and consider it but I have only considered it with her.

Since that conversation, I have thought about it almost daily and asked myself more times than I can count if I seriously want them, and I always lean No. I wish I didn't feel this way. She deserves to have the life she wants, she works excruciatingly hard and I am lucky to be apart of her life. I just cannot bring myself to be ok with having kids. It isn't worth going into here but I have considered the idea of grappling with the reasons why and try to see if I can change them. The fact is I don't think I have enough time.

I don't want to be the limiting reason that she doesn't get to have children. I don't want her to resent herself, resent me, or stay just because she loves me. I'm also mortified at the idea that I might break her heart and hurt her in any capacity. But, it is not fair of me to limit her in her goals and needs which being a younger Mom is a need for her, which the deadline for is in 3 years. A lot can change in that time I know, but I don't want to promise that I'll change my mind in that time on a decision that big, especially if I still do not want them. That to me would completely trap her or ruin any chance of her goals to happen.

I know the obvious solution is that I just need to talk to her. I plan to absolutely and I am also going to therapy specifically with this problem to get some professional advice.

I guess my question is, how would you want your significant other to break it to you that they just do not want kids?

Thank you for reading, I know that was a lot I apologize. Thank you for any replies as well!

I am a 25 year old, I've been in a relationship with I believe to be the love of my life. She is 22 and is still in College finishing her last year of her Mechanical Engineering degree. We've been together for coming up on 5 years. It is still a long-distance relationship but we are currently working on moving in with each other. I am the one making the sacrifice to leave my position/find a new position to be able to move in with her. I have a great full-time job and 2 side jobs and I feel I do pretty well for myself. Mind you, I do not have any qualms with leaving my position to move in with her. There are other personal complications with her being geographically close to her family that make her uncomfortable so I understand that perspective and am trying to unfortunately uproot my career and move it towards her.

We are progressing in the relationship to the point where I am close to proposing and really thinking about our future. We have before, but we're at the time and place where we're starting to make it happen. She has always been very sure of the future she wants, things planned out and non-negotiables that she has communicated with me early on that I agreed with and some that we've compromised on. I can't express this enough, she is a wonderful lady and I have nothing bad to say about this woman. One of these non-negotiables is that she would like to have kids when she is younger...specifically 25-26 which is how old I am.

I have always been on the fence about kids in general. She has been the only person I have considered having kids with. I was always waiting for the "you'll want kids when you're older.." or the "you might change your mind..." to kick in, but it never has. We had a conversation a while ago talking about our future, kids, etc. and I told her that I don't necessarily know that I want kids and I need to really think about it and consider it but I have only considered it with her.

Since that conversation, I have thought about it almost daily and asked myself more times than I can count if I seriously want them, and I always lean No. I wish I didn't feel this way. She deserves to have the life she wants, she works excruciatingly hard and I am lucky to be apart of her life. I just cannot bring myself to be ok with having kids. It isn't worth going into here but I have considered the idea of grappling with the reasons why and try to see if I can change them. The fact is I don't think I have enough time.

I don't want to be the limiting reason that she doesn't get to have children. I don't want her to resent herself, resent me, or stay just because she loves me. I'm also mortified at the idea that I might break her heart and hurt her in any capacity. But, it is not fair of me to limit her in her goals and needs which being a younger Mom is a need for her, which the deadline for is in 3 years. A lot can change in that time I know, but I don't want to promise that I'll change my mind in that time on a decision that big, especially if I still do not want them. That to me would completely trap her or ruin any chance of her goals to happen.

I know the obvious solution is that I just need to talk to her. I plan to absolutely and I am also going to therapy specifically with this problem to get some professional advice.

I guess my question is, how would you want your significant other to break it to you that they just do not want kids?

Thank you for reading, I know that was a lot I apologize. Thank you for any replies as well!