u/JackDoeDikkins789

Gosh damn , living in this home its emotional chaos

I myself am a rather calm and neutral person and they perceive EVERYTHING as an insult, some kind of ill will towards them or so on, so on, constant paranoids who look for a catch where there is none, you must constantly be mean to them and smile (which I do not do to spite them) because I do not tolerate being treated as if I had to, I always shine in a smile

My father is an insecure and constantly whining child, who loses his temper and shows aggression for no reason, to such an extent that sometimes my hand itches to punch him right in the face, constant pressure for gratitude and the fact that he raised me, detachment from the situation and ignoring his guilt and actions

Mom is overprotective and as pathetic as a human being, she controls your every step and if something gets out of her control ( im 20y old btw lol ) dramas and hysterics begin, accusations and gossip about you with relatives, constant denial and justification of oneself, a victim complex in everything and dramatization

I'm quite detached and immersed in constant reflection on myself as a person and my experiences, my personal ideals and feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or high standards for the world. I maintain very narrow and minimalist social circles that contain only ideological conversations that interest me. Although I wouldn't say I'm outright asocial, I'm rather unsociable, but I can easily make contact if someone opens the door to my inner world.

I seem to be a rather dry or cold person who rarely talks (doesn't talk at all) about his feelings or experiences, but is ready to wrap himself in a blanket and leave everyone for a very long time and cry, destroy himself from the inside, feel ashamed of himself, translate everything into creativity - My musical style is made nervous, awkward, crooked, noisy to convey all the decay and hatred for myself and my desires, disappointment in others, all this accumulates like a dark hole of screaming tearing voices, from which I want to create even more, but it also helps me live, I become alive at this moment and understand why I feel this

I'm more like a reclusive freak who will dig deep into the lowest reaches of my subconscious and thoughts, reading or writing my poems and songs, in search of sounds that convey my thoughts in an abstract, conversational form.

I wouldn't say I'm demonstratively edgy, but I definitely have this trait in me and I don't find it bad. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to stand out and be different if it brings you genuine pleasure.

My main goal is to live my life, I think, and I want to build my entire life on the idea that no matter what risks or doubts lie ahead, I would remain with the thought that I am in my period when I am capable of doing what I am capable of, despite the fact that I put a lot of pressure on myself and sometimes meticulously detail. I also have very high standards and am quite honest and straightforward, always speaking as is and when I feel necessary. I am idealistic and strive for some kind of peak in my existence.

I'm not emotional on the outside because I'm afraid of being misunderstood, ridiculed, or thrown back in the trash. That's why you'll usually see either a chill guy or a cool guy who can do everything and is so brave and all that, when he might be rotting inside.

I guess my traits that many people disliked were my stubbornness and egocentricity. Everything I could think of revolved around my personal needs and goals, ideas, and thoughts that I wanted to achieve. For some reason, everyone around me thought I owed them something. Of course, I didn't go after everyone with an axe, but I just gave them the middle finger by walking away, lol. My stubbornness stemmed from my unwavering focus and love of art.

What did I want to convey in art? - An uncensored state and the flow of thoughts that come when you experience these states; the crookedness as a form is created to convey a breakdown and complete alienation from oneself. The vocals are uneven and hysterical on purpose, to splash out everything that I don’t say openly, but want to express in any case, because it is important for me to say and express as I carry on.

My parents so immature and pathetic