This has been one of the most traumatizing experiences I have ever had. He was not at all who I thought he was.
What do you guys get from his chart?
(Time of birth is unknown)
I’m curious to see what will be said
I have never been to a alanon meeting but I do plan to. My boyfriend of 2 years is a chronic relapser. I am in SO much pain as I just broke up with him yesterdsy. Even when he is in “recovery” it seems as though he is still living in addiction without the drugs. I am a recovering addict and I have ovwr 2 years clean..
my last straw was him confessing to me that he slept with 2 girls while we were on a break.. he has toyed around with me breaking up and then coming back saying he is obsessed with me and cannot be apart from me.. he broke up with me to focus on his sobriety a week after he had gotten out of the hospiral from an overdose. He was there for 2 weeks… he had suddenly picked up and oded out of no where. A week before that we had started another break so he could again… focus on his sobriety.
We didnt talk for 3 weeks after that call. We then saw eachother and we started talking everyday. He was telling me how he wants to marry me, I am the love of his life, all the plans we will have, how he will take care of me etc… we started planning a weekend pass to celebrate my birthday. he then got caught with steroids and it completely ruined it all as he lost all his privileges. I called him out on the steroid usage and his lack of accountability. Everytime I call him out and assert myself he gets so disrespectful… the next day he said we should go back to not talking… that lasted 5 days before he called me again saying rhe same stuff as usual. We saw eachother he gave me my birthday presents, we were solving conflict wonderfully.. it was really nice. Until 4 days later and he tells me he slept with 2 girls, one of which he was friends with for a while- while we were on the 5 day break.. he chose to tell me after the fact of us grtting intimate multiple times. he said it wasn’t immoral because it wasnt cheating but we had become back to normal before the steroids??? He then got mad at me for expressing how disgusting I felt and how betrayed I feel.. turned it onto me and made me think it was my fault for the conflict because in his words I was being disrespectful and judgemental. I broke up with him the next night.
I’m so confused and I feel as though the love wasnt really real but I also understand the capacity someone has to love while living in addiction. I’m sorry if this post isnt very coherent. I am so exhausted emotionally and physically and it is late and I really would love to hear some of your experiences and some advice for me..
he didn’t get mad at me when I sent the breakup text. He just begged me not to leave, apologized, told me he knows he is a piece of shit, that he hopes I find better because I do deserve better, how I’m the love of his life and how he will always hate himself for losing me.. etc. my sponsor thinks he has narcissistic tendencies which I do see. There are so many details to this relationship and I just feel destroyed right now.
So yeah I have been in the mental health system since I was 13 years old. I am currently 19 years old and I still have the same struggles emotionally as I did before. It has gotten a bit better since I have been clean off of all drugs for over 2 years but I’m getting a bit worried.
My therapist has warned me that CPTSD can develop into borderline if not properly addressed.
I am in a romantic relationship right now but it’s really complicated and I notice my symptoms primarily stem from it.
Dont get me wrong some of my other symptoms come out in my everyday life but I’m talking about my extreme life threatening symptoms..
I have harmed myself multiple times over this relationship. I almost committed myself into a psych ward but left after 5 hours of sobbing there and waiting for them. I told myself I was fine and lied to them saying I feel better and then left. I have to take prescribed b3nzos to calm down from conflicts/triggers involving my person. I love him so extremely much and I have extreme attachment issues. I was screened multiple times when I was 13-15 for borderline but they agreed on trauma and CPTSD.
I feel like people around me can underestimate what I am expressing because I can appear very high functioning and stable as well as I am extremely articulate. I don’t know really what I’m looking for by posting this.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone else here atarted with CPTSD and eventually evolved into BPD and what that looked like.
I know CPTSD and BPD have pretty much all of the same overlapping symptoms but sometimes the severity makes me question if this is really typical for just CPTSD.