u/Jaded-Banana6205

I'm in my mid 30s and have been some flavor of goth adjacent for the past 20 years (style, music, etc) and I'm becoming more curious about exploring pastel goth.

I don't normally need internet validation for style choices but I kind of need my hand to be held here! I think i would look great in pastel goth. I have albinism with long white hair. Pastels, especially blues and lavender, look great on me. I scroll through etsy and My Violet and sigh longingly. But I feel so anxious that I'll look silly!

I have no issue going to Costco in six inch heels and fishnets and a harness if it's all black. Maybe I subconsciously think pastel is more juvenile?

I need a little friendly encouragement please!

My BPD is in remission now,, but my ex (who has VERY unmanaged BPD) used to be my FP. They dumped me, split on me, etc, but ultimately we reconnected as friends. They apologized for the way they had treated me. I had introduced them to their new partner, who had also been a friend of mine. I knew their relationship was rocky at times, but I was really proud of my ex's growth.

Then they broke up. It was very ugly. My friend is opening up to me about the ways my ex abused them. I feel devastated. I feel so sad for my friend, and so confused and uncertain about my ex.

But what REALLY hurts is a few days after the breakup, my ex asked if I'd be down to fuck, that they kind of missed it with me. I declined vaguely, was not particularly interested in reopening that door, and the conversation moved on.

But my friend heard my ex mentioning pursuing self destructive hookups. My ex, I am learning now, had pretty recently and explicitly told my friend that they had no real interest in having sex with me again (we are all nonmonogamous, for context).

I haven't called my ex out on this, but it feels like the timing of them offering to fuck around, right after they end what ended up being an abusive relationship with a good friend of mine.... it feels disgusting. It feels like they were using me to hurt my friend, and themselves. I feel sick.