I have been married almost a year. It was an arranged marriage except that we spoke for almost a year and met a few times and finally decided to marry. This guy is super polite, humble, very respectful of me and my family, earns decent and has a very respectable profession, treats me well, takes care of me, never raises his voice on me, takes care of small expenses when I am with him although I earn (but way lesser), doesn't have any superficial male ego. Basically he has all the qualities a woman would need in a partner and I feel lucky that i got such a man who does not make my life difficult in any way.
However, here are the few things about him that bother me a bit. Although i understand that nobody comes with a "100% goodies package", I still need validation that am I being bothered by unnecessary things or is something going on which I am not able to see:
- He never gave me a ring, neither an engagement ring, nor a wedding ring. Initially I thought, maybe he did not get the time or opportunity to buy one, however, after multiple indirect and direct reminders, multiple tries to get him into the store, even selecting one and asking him to buy me one, he did not do it. He always says, I will buy you the ring but never takes a step on his own and cites some excuse when I try to take him to the shop. One time his mother asked him to buy me a ring and he said, she is earning herself and can buy one for herself right infront of me.
After so many failed attempts to have something that I should not have even been asking for, I stopped trying. Now I don't bring up the topic and neither does he. It seems like he is relieved I stopped asking. His attitude or expression of love towards me has not changed a bit. He is the same.
He does not want to let his colleagues to know that he is married to me or he is married. I found it recently and started questioning him, he again said, I will let everyone know but slowly. I dont want people at my workplace to know about my personal life. One time he even introduced me to one of his friends but just as an acquaintance and not wife, I didnt react at that point to avoid causing him embarrassment but it was very odd for me. Later upon questioning he again said, I will do it, but later.
I see he is very mindful and protective of his money and doesn't spend a single penny on anything that he deems unnecessary. I am almost the same person but I also value gifting stuff to him in my capacity. He never does. Just to test his reaction, I (falsely) started demanding an Iphone, Ipad, MacBook, watch etc ( I would have obviously denied if he actually acted on my demands), he as usually said yes to everything but never offered to actually buy it. I brought up the topic multiple times but his answer is always the same, "I will buy all of it for you" but goes quite when I ask "When?" and then to avoid fights I stop nagging.
He never denies spending on his family no matter how expensive. Its fine, as I am not at a place where I control his or anyone's money but when it comes to me, he never fulfils my wishes. I can buy these things on my own too but I feel devalued when he doesn't realise that gifting even some flowers to your partner makes them feel wanted and cherished. He never bought me flowers either.
I do see his efforts when he does little things for me at home, treats me with affection and I continue to value his efforts but the above mentioned things also hurt me. I feel I am being overlooked in the relationship. Can anyone please help me understand these and guide me through these complex emotions?
TL;DR; Am I overthinking or something is off