I feel like it's time the devil in me follows its predecessors and drops price down to 20 (or maybe 30 since it's the season finale) the game's turning 4 years old, man of medan went down to 20 after only 3 years. It is time.
When I begin introducing myself to others it's always just kind of my name, my age, my double nationalities, and what school I go to, because there isn't really anything else to me. Whenever I have to talk about myself or my accomplishments it one way or another goes back to a "responsibility" of sorts like grades, chores, or just basic life skills. I physically feel like I put so much effort into making sure I brush my teeth, make my bed, make myself breakfast, study for exams, finish my homework, that by the time I get home from school I'm so incredibly exhausted I immediately go to bed and just stare at my phone for maybe an hour or two before I get to eating again and doing my school work.
I feel so proud of myself for being able to manage this routine, but it immediately crumbles once I look at the lives of others. Everyone around me can manage everything I do in less time with less effort, and somehow still have energy and time in the day to do whatever they please.
It makes me so so so so embarrassed to realize that having semi-good grades in secondary isn't an accomplishment, going to school every day isn't an accomplishment, returning assignments on time isn't an accomplishment, these are quite literally the bare minimum for everybody else. This feeds into me feeling like I have "no personality" because I'm too exhausted to care about anything else that isn't a "responsibility" TikTok and video games are how I pass my time, and it's honestly shallow there's nothing else to me but that.
I'm on reddit telling this because I don't have the courage to tell anyone I know in real life, and because I'd maybe like an outside perspective of someone who isn't biased towards me.