u/Jambalaya1982

I'm 43 and definitely in the throngs of perimenopause. And I can say I do have some strained relationships with friends... but my relationship with my husband has definitely been the most strained of them all.

We barely sleep in the same bed anymore (we have two young kids, and one is always waking up in the middle of the night, getting in our bed and making it a rough night.) We don't do date nights, and don't really talk much to each other anymore. When we do talk, he gets defensive about questions I ask (I ask questions a lot - this is how I've always been, and I point that out to him.)

We probably haven't had sex in a few months - I'm not even sure when we last did have sex.

We did couples counseling during COVID when things were sour and it seemed to help. I still see a therapist and have brought up concerns to her. She mentioned asking about these things (date night or even protected time,) and getting him to come up with an idea for us. But, I feel like I don't even care about it anymore.

Fully transparent - I have taken antianxiety and antidepressants in the past and I'm in the menstrual phase of my cycle. But, honestly, I just don't really seem to care for him at all much these days.

TLDR: I am bothered by my husband. We don't have sex. We don't sleep in the same bed most of the time. Is this perimenopause or something else? What can I do about this?

My husband and I are both educators. A few years back, after having our last kid, I left the public school system to work at an independent school about 30 minutes away from our home. The school is well known in the area, and supports me well in resources, pay and work/life balance. Honestly, a dream-type position.

The problems came when I transferred my son from a local charter school near our neighborhood to the school I work at. We loved the charter school for its K-12 program, it's family-life atmosphere and it's feel of a private school but at a public/charter level. His first year at my school, however, was a mess - lots of blaming of his age, his size... although he tested and scored on or above grade level. Although a diagnosis of ADHD did come out of that year, I still question the validity of it. Nevertheless, the final straw was them proposing to "reclass" him after he started school this year. No ma'am. My husband and I promptly took him out, enrolled him at our local public school (which is a magnet) and he's doing so great in it. On or above grade level, following directions, receiving awards, etc.

But... we still wonder about the charter we pulled him out of... it's K-12 and, although we love our local elementary school, middle school is a WHOLE other beast (trust me, I know... I work at the middle school level.) So, getting to the point: a position in my field came open at my son's old charter school. It'd be closer to home and the possibility to enroll our son back into that school. BUT, I just don't know if I want to leave MY dream job... but, trying to get back into this charter school is going to be nearly impossible.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice - I will make a pros/cons list, but I'm just really torn.