u/Jard4ni_

i know addiction is costing me time, my mental health and my family

yet every time im by myself, i just fall into addiction again.

although ive written every reason of why NOT to watch porn on a paper and look at it, yet i keep failing

i know addiction is not impossible to quit and recover from.

yet in my condition, it feels impossible, like i will never be a decent human being, i will never be a person i can respect, i will be forever a burden to my close ones

i will keep trying to quit, but i deeply believe i will never make it

years of trying and the best i made was 20 days, i watch way less than i used to, but still unless i completely quit, i will never get my brain back

i just got my first employment ever at 25.

i had other jobs befor, but never got employed

struggling with depression and social anxiety, i couldn't focus and learn the other jobs fast enough, resulting in me getting fired, or have to quit myself,... the longest job i had was for 3 months

i can't efford mental therapy now, but im mentally feeling better.

i don't really care about embarrassing myself or be seen as stupid or slow anymore,... i just don't wanna lose this job, i can't waste anymore time

i have CIVP

if i make a CDD contract, will it effect my unused CIVP?