u/Jasmintiny

I genuinely can’t tell if my therapist is helping me confront hard truths about myself or if she’s just not the right fit for me, and I need outside opinions.

For context, I struggle a lot with emotional overwhelm, attachment issues, loneliness, overthinking friendships/relationships, etc. I know I’m sensitive. I know I personalize things sometimes. I know I can spiral emotionally.

The issue is that I leave almost every therapy session feeling worse, ashamed, judged, or misunderstood.

For example, one of my closest friends got proposed to, and I didn’t know it was happening until after it already happened. I showed up a little late to what I thought was just a New Year’s party and found out through her mother that she had already been proposed to earlier that night.

I don’t think her fiancé needed my permission or needed to involve me in planning anything. That’s not what I’m saying. But I am really her only close friend outside of family, and I think what hurt me was that even a simple “hey, come early tonight, I’m proposing” would’ve changed things completely. I didn’t even know enough to make sure I was there on time for a huge moment in her life.

I ended up going to the restroom alone to cry for a few minutes because my feelings were hurt, but I pulled myself together, came back out smiling, hugged them, congratulated them, took pictures, and still tried to make the night feel happy and special for them.

My therapist basically told me I was making it about myself and that her fiancé didn’t have to tell me anything.

And logically, I understand that. Nobody owed me involvement in the proposal. But emotionally it still hurt my feelings, and I thought therapy was the place to unpack WHY it hurt me so much instead of just being told I was centering myself.

I think part of what hurt is that for a long time I’ve questioned whether I viewed this friendship as deeper/more emotionally intimate than she actually did, and moments like that intensified the insecurity.

Another time, I was talking about anxiety surrounding a friendship fallout and how I was scared people would eventually start noticing distance between us and asking questions, and again she told me I was making it about myself.

She also gives advice like:

- go out more
- stay busier
- stop letting things consume you
- work on codependency
- join activities/classes

And the frustrating part is… I already KNOW those things intellectually. If it were as simple as “just go do more stuff,” I wouldn’t need therapy in the first place. My issue is that everything feels emotionally heavy and exhausting sometimes. Even basic things like eating or showering can feel overwhelming.

I’m not looking for a therapist to just validate me 24/7 or tell me I’m always right. I actually WANT accountability and outside perspective. But I feel like instead of helping me understand my emotions differently, she mostly just points out what I’m doing wrong or why my thinking is flawed.

Even when I cry, she mostly just sits there looking kind of bored or detached. I don’t need someone to baby me, but I also don’t feel emotionally safe or understood anymore.

At this point, I honestly can’t tell:

- am I just resisting hearing uncomfortable truths?
OR
- is this genuinely not a good therapeutic fit?

Has anyone experienced this before?

I genuinely can’t tell if my therapist is helping me confront hard truths about myself or if she’s just not the right fit for me, and I need outside opinions.

For context, I struggle a lot with emotional overwhelm, attachment issues, loneliness, overthinking friendships/relationships, etc. I know I’m sensitive. I know I personalize things sometimes. I know I can spiral emotionally.

The issue is that I leave almost every therapy session feeling worse, ashamed, judged, or misunderstood.

For example, one of my closest friends got proposed to, and I didn’t know it was happening until after it already happened. I showed up a little late to what I thought was just a New Year’s party and found out through her mother that she had already been proposed to earlier that night.

I don’t think her fiancé needed my permission or needed to involve me in planning anything. That’s not what I’m saying. But I am really her only close friend outside of family, and I think what hurt me was that even a simple “hey, come early tonight, I’m proposing” would’ve changed things completely. I didn’t even know enough to make sure I was there on time for a huge moment in her life.

I ended up going to the restroom alone to cry for a few minutes because my feelings were hurt, but I pulled myself together, came back out smiling, hugged them, congratulated them, took pictures, and still tried to make the night feel happy and special for them.

My therapist basically told me I was making it about myself and that her fiancé didn’t have to tell me anything.

And logically, I understand that. Nobody owed me involvement in the proposal. But emotionally it still hurt my feelings, and I thought therapy was the place to unpack WHY it hurt me so much instead of just being told I was centering myself.

I think part of what hurt is that for a long time I’ve questioned whether I viewed this friendship as deeper/more emotionally intimate than she actually did, and moments like that intensified the insecurity.

Another time, I was talking about anxiety surrounding a friendship fallout and how I was scared people would eventually start noticing distance between us and asking questions, and again she told me I was making it about myself.

She also gives advice like:

- go out more
- stay busier
- stop letting things consume you
- work on codependency
- join activities/classes

And the frustrating part is… I already KNOW those things intellectually. If it were as simple as “just go do more stuff,” I wouldn’t need therapy in the first place. My issue is that everything feels emotionally heavy and exhausting sometimes. Even basic things like eating or showering can feel overwhelming.

I’m not looking for a therapist to just validate me 24/7 or tell me I’m always right. I actually WANT accountability and outside perspective. But I feel like instead of helping me understand my emotions differently, she mostly just points out what I’m doing wrong or why my thinking is flawed.

Even when I cry, she mostly just sits there looking kind of bored or detached. I don’t need someone to baby me, but I also don’t feel emotionally safe or understood anymore.

At this point, I honestly can’t tell:

- am I just resisting hearing uncomfortable truths?
OR
- is this genuinely not a good therapeutic fit?

Has anyone experienced this before?

I genuinely can’t tell if my therapist is helping me confront hard truths about myself or if she’s just not the right fit for me, and I need outside opinions.

For context, I struggle a lot with emotional overwhelm, attachment issues, loneliness, overthinking friendships/relationships, etc. I know I’m sensitive. I know I personalize things sometimes. I know I can spiral emotionally. I’m working on it lol

The issue is that I leave almost every therapy session feeling worse, ashamed, judged, or misunderstood.

For example, one of my closest friends got proposed to, and I didn’t know it was happening until after it already happened. I showed up a little late to what I thought was just a New Year’s party and found out through her mother that she had already been proposed to earlier that night.

I don’t think her fiancé needed my permission or needed to involve me in planning anything. That’s not what I’m saying. But I am really her only close friend outside of family, and I think what hurt me was that even a simple “hey, come early tonight, I’m proposing” would’ve changed things completely. I didn’t even know enough to make sure I was there on time for a huge moment in her life.

I ended up going to the restroom alone to cry for a few minutes because my feelings were hurt, but I pulled myself together, came back out smiling, hugged them, congratulated them, took pictures, and still tried to make the night feel happy and special for them.

My therapist basically told me I was making it about myself and that her fiancé didn’t have to tell me anything.

And logically, I understand that. Nobody owed me involvement in the proposal. But emotionally it still hurt my feelings, and I thought therapy was the place to unpack WHY it hurt me so much instead of just being told I was centering myself.

I think part of what hurt is that for a long time I’ve questioned whether I viewed this friendship as deeper/more emotionally intimate than she actually did, and moments like that intensified the insecurity.

Another time, I was talking about anxiety surrounding a friendship fallout and how I was scared people would eventually start noticing distance between us and asking questions, and again she told me I was making it about myself.

She also gives advice like:

* go out more
* stay busier
* stop letting things consume you
* work on codependency
* join activities/classes

And the frustrating part is… I already KNOW those things intellectually. If it were as simple as “just go do more stuff,” I wouldn’t need therapy in the first place. My issue is that everything feels emotionally heavy and exhausting sometimes. Even basic things like eating or showering can feel overwhelming.

I’m not looking for a therapist to just validate me 24/7 or tell me I’m always right. I actually WANT accountability and outside perspective. But I feel like instead of helping me understand my emotions differently, she mostly just points out what I’m doing wrong or why my thinking is flawed.

Even when I cry, she mostly just sits there looking kind of bored or detached. I don’t need someone to baby me, but I also don’t feel emotionally safe or understood anymore.

At this point, I honestly can’t tell:

* am I just resisting hearing uncomfortable truths?
OR
* is this genuinely not a good therapeutic fit?

Has anyone experienced this before?