OCD has sabotaged all of my relationships
Everytime the honeymoon phase ends it's like I immediately begin checking my attarction both towards my partner and any other girl I see to make sure I'm attracted to my partner enough. My brain will try to search for and pick apart things that might seem unattractive in some kind of way, even if I know my partner is beautiful. Its mentally taxing for me because I dont want to have thoughts like that about someone I care about so dearly, especially when I know they're irrational. I've recently joined this band and the vocalist and I began dating earlier this month, and she really does feel like the closest thing I've found to a perfect person for me, but I'm still finding the doubts coming back the longer we're together just like in all the other relationships I've been in. My brain will try and say she's too tall because we're a couple inches apart or random things like that, it's been this way in every relationship and I'm too old to run from it at this point, especially because i feel I've found something really important with this girl and this band. I need to stop telling myself that every commitment will go wrong either because of me or the pther person, and that it's okay to try for something that really feels important. I'm hoping you guys are all doing well with your relationships, I've been a long time lurker but I've really felt compelled to talk about this situation because I've simply realized the ocd will always be there and I have to learn how to live with it.