u/Jmor3568

I (M25) am the youngest out of 4 brothers and 1 sister. All half siblings, all of whom are much older than I am by at least 10-15 years. 3 of my brothers are my from my dad's previous marriage and I have a brother and sister from my mom's previous marriage.

When I was growing up, they all had their own lives going on. On my dad's side, my oldest brother got his girlfriend pregnant in high school, my 2nd oldest brother went to college, and my 3rd oldest brother went no contact with my dad then got locked up in prison for a while.

My brother on my mom's side of the family lived in a different state with his (now ex) wife and daughter so I barely ever got to see him. My sister has lived in Mexico my whole life and also had kids of her own so I rarely saw her either.

This dynamic doesn't just stop with my siblings either. The rest of my extended family has lived in different states so I never got the chance to develop a strong bond with my cousins or relatives who were similar in age. When I would see my extended family, I never felt close with them emotionally and I'm sure the feeling is mutual on their end.

What bothers me tho is the fact that a lot of people grow up with their families close to them in terms of both distance and bond. I never had that. I never experienced that. In fact, I actually envy people who did have that. I've always felt alone. I could be surrounded by all of my family and still feel alone. Even if they all told me that they loved me, I would never know if it was genuine or just because they feel obligated.

Has anyone else had a family dynamic like mine?

I (M25) am the youngest between all of my siblings: 4 brothers and 1 sister. My siblings are all half siblings with 3 of my brothers being from my dad's previous marriage and a brother and sister from my mom's previous marriage. My birth was unplanned and unexpected. My parents had me when they were both in their early 40s so as you can imagine, there was a decently sized age gap between my family and I.

Both of my parents had 2 jobs between both of them when I was a kid so they were hardly ever home. My siblings all had their own lives going on at that time too with my 1st oldest brother living in a different state as me with a wife and a daughter, my 2nd oldest girlfriend who got his girlfriend pregnant in high school, my 3rd oldest brother who went away to college, and my 4th oldest brother who cut contact with us and ended up going to prison for a while. My sister has lived in Mexico my whole life so I hardly ever got to see her.

I had a very lonely childhood growing up. I don't necessarily blame them for that but in a way I feel disconnected from them emotionally. Rationally I understand that they all had their own lives when I was growing up but emotionally it's hard for me to be there for them when it feels like they were never there for me when I needed them. I find it hard to be around them in general because I feel I'm never heard or understood. I also don't understand why I'm obligated to be there for them when they need support but they never reciprocate it for me. Emotionally I feel dismissed or invalidated by them. Anytime I've tried to open up about how I felt, it didn't feel like I was being taken seriously. To this very day, it's hard for me to recognize when someone is trying to be supportive to me because I truly don't know what that looks like so I tend to stay guarded around most people. Am I wrong for feeling this resentment?

My girlfriend (F24) said that we have a birthday party to go to today for her friend's daughter but I (M25) don't wanna go. She got a little upset when I told her that because she wanted me to be there with her but I don't even know her friend so in my mind, I don't see the purpose of me even going. I'm going just to keep her happy but she told me that she didn't want me to be on my phone and wants me to interact with people but WHO?? I wouldn't know a single person there. I asked her why she wants me to go so bad and she said because she doesn't wanna go alone and wants to introduce me to her friend. I guess I'm just irritated because she's not giving me a choice but at the same time, I'm questioning if how I feel is even valid in the first place. So with all that being said, AITA??