u/JnDaniels

23M here, and finally, I understand.

I understand that no matter how much I win, it will forever be the same. I will never stop, because it's not about having enough, it's about being enough.

Today is the day that I reclaim my life from these fuckers, once and for all. After 7 years of pure agony, losing rent and bills money, asking my friends for money weekly and lying about the reason I need it for, going thousands of euros into debt, dropping out of college due to being unable to pay the yearly tax, eating like shit and ignoring every single aspect of my life that actually matters, I'm finally saying STOP.

I've only lost 18 euros today, my lunch money for the following couple of days. It all happened on autopilot, I can't even recall the games I've played.

After that, I just sat there. 20 minutes, staring at the screen. For the first time in my life, I tried to understand "Why am I doing this? Why am I wasting my life". For the first time in my life, I understand that this addiction is a band-aid. A band-aid that covers a huge and infected wound.

Today I'm wripping the band-aid guys, I will try to heal the wound. Tommorrow I'll be hungry, but I'll be free. I've been hungry before, but I can't recall the last time I've felt freedom.

23M here. Recently diagnosed even thought the signs were there forever. Unfortunately, I grew up in a poor and uneducated environment, so I can't really blame my parents for not getting me tested earlyer in life. I'm reaching out to you guys because even tho I'm young, so far I've fucked up my life in a way that feels impossible to recover.

I dropped out of university, right now working 2 jobs I hate, initially to cope with being a dropout, but at the moment I am literally dependant on them to pay my debts due to a gambling adiction that I've been fighting for almost 5 years . Of course my family doesn't know that, the shame and guilt already kills me.

Paralisy is the best way to describe what my brain feels like. I struggle to do the easiest things. Even picking up a T shirt of the floor feels like deadlifting 500 pounds. I sometimes go up to 2 weeks without showering, brushing my teeth or washing dishes.

The only upside to my life is my friend group, even tho I ditch them a lot because I can't get ready, or if I do I'm way too late.

As you can immagine, my self-esteem is unexistent, I have no dirrection, no confort in my life whatsoever.

I used to have big dreams, but now the only thing I want is to live a normal life, without this mountain of guilt that crushes my mornings and keeps me up at night.

Thank you for listening to my rant. I don't know what I'm trying to achieve with this post, but I know I had to get it out. I'll gladly listen to any piece of advice you guys have.