u/John_Toth

And the Lord hardened Pharao's heart: neither did he let the children of Israel go.

Exodus 10:20

I am becoming increasingly convinced that I have no hope of attaining salvation, and that the sole reason for my wretched life is to bring others closer to what I cannot have.

God uses me solely so that others can practice their virtues on me, to show what good Christians they are, and how kind they can be—even to such terrible people as myself.

That is why I am alive. Like the Pharaoh of Egypt, whose destiny was not to be saved, but for God to demonstrate His power through him.

That is why sinners who will never be saved are still alive. They are God’s instruments for the benefit of others.

I’m incapable of remaining in a state of grace for the long term. I manage to get by for a few weeks, but sooner or later I always commit mortal sins. And the more this happens, the more exhausted I become. I feel like there’s no point in fighting anymore, because my failure is guaranteed.

I’m not a good person.

I’m not a good Catholic.

I’m not a good Christian.

I’m not enough.

(P.S: I have diagnosed depression and autism. See my past posts.)

I find that long-range weapons simply have no place on the defensive side.

This is a big problem in the game, making the attack unbalanced.

Why would defenders need any long-range weapons when they wouldn't be needed on defense?

It's simply part of the health of the game that attackers have an advantage in ranged weapons and defenders have an advantage in close-range weapons. It's not designed that way by chance.

The problem is when defenders get weapons like the DMR or slug shotgun.

This is a long and difficult topic. Please read the entire post before responding.

Why does God give some people a good life, while others suffer?

I could say that I deserve it. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, even though I’m only 24.

Bad decisions have defined my life. Addiction, changing schools, difficulty connecting with others, loneliness, laziness, not studying enough, depression, anxiety.

Because of these things, I’ve been struggling for most of my life. But as we know, “trouble never comes alone.”

Now I’m desperately trying to connect with others. The few people I can talk to, however, aren’t interested in me. They don’t need me; I’m the one who needs them. They only reply when I message them first. I don’t cross their minds on their own. Yet I love them, and I don’t think they’re bad people. But this experience breaks my heart.

I can’t afford to lose them. It was hard enough to build these relationships, and right now I don’t have the chance to make new ones.

Life has worked out for them. They have friends, partners, jobs, and studies; their spiritual lives are probably in order, too.

I haven’t been granted any of these things, and I feel that God doesn’t care at all. It’s not as if I haven’t spoken to Him; I’ve cried out for Him to have mercy on me. Nothing.

And this experience, this silence, this indifference is killing my faith.

I’m afraid I won’t be able to believe anymore. I’m afraid I might even be damned because of this. It’s not enough that I spend my earthly life in suffering; this will be my lot in eternity as well.

Evil always prevails over good, because there is so much more of it.

There is enough suffering in the world to turn anyone into an atheist.

I have no idea what will happen next. For now, I’m trying not to "unalive" myself, which would risk damnation. But honestly, I don’t know how long that will be enough.

P.S.: Please don’t come at me with:

1. God loves you.

- Okay, in theory He loves everyone, but unfortunately that hasn’t made my life any better.

2. God has something better in store for you.

- Sure, you could say that about salvation too, since it’s better than anything else, and we only attain it after we die. But that doesn’t answer why one person lives a good life here on earth and is saved, while another lives a terrible, suffering-filled life and is damned.

3. God suffered too.

Okay. But how does that help me?

Besides, God never experienced depression or a life without friends. He was never alone. The Holy Trinity cannot be “lonely.”

https://preview.redd.it/pawb3siwln2h1.png?width=999&format=png&auto=webp&s=86d7d3d74821895cf68cd3f766ebeb852b3000d5

Who is he in Dead Men Tell No Tales?