u/Johnnyboy11384

Title: False Witness

Length: 85 pages (Feature)

Genre: Horror, Drama, Surreal

Logline: In a devout 1950s community governed by ritual and fear, a judge overseeing the persecution of a young woman begins unraveling beneath the same system he perpetuated.

This is my second draft with some revisions. I know it’s not perfect, but I want to see how the piece translates to others. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, and I’m happy to swap scripts if someone would like feedback on their work too.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UVxb70eKYHkXCOc5pPbZZdFSoz9BzIY2/view?usp=drivesdk

For context, I have been writing horror spec scripts for a few years, honing my craft. I recently decided to submit one of my short film scripts to a festival. The submission included some thoughts for free from the first reader.

Today I got my reader response. And wow, I have written things people didn’t love before. But I’ve never written something worth hating. Their thoughts included phrases like:

“It’s very off-putting.”

“There needs to be character and story development.”

“It has no plot and no arcs.”

“Who do we root for?”

Needless to say, I’m a bit tickled. There was some good criticism too, but this is the first time someone has responded so negatively to my work. At least it generated a response besides boredom.

I just finished the revisions on the second draft of this script. I would appreciate feedback on how it reads, what points feel like they’re too alienating or slow to keep interest, and whether the emotions of the piece come through.

Genre: Horror, Drama

Logline: In a devout 1950s community governed by ritual and fear, a judge overseeing the persecution of a young woman begins unraveling beneath the same system he perpetuated.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UVxb70eKYHkXCOc5pPbZZdFSoz9BzIY2/view?usp=drivesdk