u/Joydraws4u

Trigger warning: brief mention of childhood SA and family trauma.

I’ve never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or been intimate with anyone before.

For most of my life, I’ve struggled with social anxiety, emotional sensitivity, body image issues, and feeling generally “behind” other people. I was overweight as a teenager and through college, and even when guys showed interest in me, I usually felt too insecure to pursue anything. Sometimes I also just wasn’t attracted to them or only saw them as friends.

Before I graduated college, my grandmother passed away. She was the closest thing I had to a stable parental figure. My family background was very dysfunctional, and my parents lost custody of me and my siblings when we were children due to neglect and alcoholism. There was also childhood SA by a relative, though I don’t remember it directly.

After college, I went abroad and taught English for two years. I had lost weight by then and met a guy I actually liked. He was an artist, we had things in common, and we planned to meet for coffee. But I convinced myself he wouldn’t like me and that I was still too fat, so I panicked and never messaged him again.

Another thing that held me back from dating was a health issue. For years I had uncomfortable itching in my vaginal area and didn’t know what it was. After returning to the U.S., I found out I have lichen sclerosus, which is a non-contagious skin condition and not an STI. But not knowing what was going on made me feel even more afraid of dating or intimacy.

In my late 20s and early 30s, I went back to school, started therapy, worked on my social anxiety and body image, and got myself out of credit card debt. I also started seeing a psychologist, and we’ve discussed the possibility that I may be neurodivergent/autistic. I haven’t finished the assessment yet, but a lot of what I’ve learned so far makes sense for me. I also have a disorganized/fearful attachment style, which probably explains why I want closeness but also get scared and avoidant.

Now I’m about to turn 32. I recently graduated with my second degree, I’m taking my road test soon, and I’m planning to move to California to pursue work in my creative field.

For a long time, I avoided dating because I felt unstable, unsupported, financially stressed, and afraid that emotional pain would throw me completely off balance. But now I feel like I’ve built more of a foundation for myself. It’s not perfect, but I don’t want to keep putting my life on pause.

I do want to date. I just want to do it carefully.

I’m afraid of how someone might react when they find out I have no experience at my age, especially with my trauma, anxiety, possible neurodivergence, and health condition.

Are there any late bloomers, neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, or people who started dating later in life who can share what helped them?

How did you approach dating, disclosure, intimacy, and fear of rejection?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Please be kind.

Trigger warning: brief mention of childhood SA and family trauma.

I’ve never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or been intimate with anyone before.

For most of my life, I’ve struggled with social anxiety, emotional sensitivity, body image issues, and feeling generally “behind” other people. I was overweight as a teenager and through college, and even when guys showed interest in me, I usually felt too insecure to pursue anything. Sometimes I also just wasn’t attracted to them or only saw them as friends.

Before I graduated college, my grandmother passed away. She was the closest thing I had to a stable parental figure. My family background was very dysfunctional, and my parents lost custody of me and my siblings when we were children due to neglect and alcoholism. There was also childhood SA by a relative, though I don’t remember it directly.

After college, I went abroad and taught English for two years. I had lost weight by then and met a guy I actually liked. He was an artist, we had things in common, and we planned to meet for coffee. But I convinced myself he wouldn’t like me and that I was still too fat, so I panicked and never messaged him again.

Another thing that held me back from dating was a health issue. For years I had uncomfortable itching in my vaginal area and didn’t know what it was. After returning to the U.S., I found out I have lichen sclerosus, which is a non-contagious skin condition and not an STI. But not knowing what was going on made me feel even more afraid of dating or intimacy.

In my late 20s and early 30s, I went back to school, started therapy, worked on my social anxiety and body image, and got myself out of credit card debt. I also started seeing a psychologist, and we’ve discussed the possibility that I may be neurodivergent/autistic. I haven’t finished the assessment yet, but a lot of what I’ve learned so far makes sense for me. I also have a disorganized/fearful attachment style, which probably explains why I want closeness but also get scared and avoidant.

Now I’m about to turn 32. I recently graduated with my second degree, I’m taking my road test soon, and I’m planning to move to California to pursue work in my creative field.

For a long time, I avoided dating because I felt unstable, unsupported, financially stressed, and afraid that emotional pain would throw me completely off balance. But now I feel like I’ve built more of a foundation for myself. It’s not perfect, but I don’t want to keep putting my life on pause.

I do want to date. I just want to do it carefully.

I’m afraid of how someone might react when they find out I have no experience at my age, especially with my trauma, anxiety, possible neurodivergence, and health condition.

Are there any late bloomers, neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, or people who started dating later in life who can share what helped them?

How did you approach dating, disclosure, intimacy, and fear of rejection?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Please be kind.