AITA for snapping after my friend called every guy interested in me “yellow fever”?
I’m(27F) from East Asia and I moved to the US about 4 years ago. Since then I’ve made American friends and dated a few American guys, some short term and some longer.
This friend (29F, white, if it matters) is my friend of a friend that I met about 2 years ago. At first she was totally normal, but over time, every single time a guy would talk to me at a bar, market, party etc. or ask for my number, or whenever I started dating someone new, the FIRST thing out of her mouth was always "yellow fever." She'd follow it up with stuff like "there are so many guys out there with Asian fetishes, you should be careful."
Ngl, I already knew about this stuff before moving here and I do keep it in the back of my mind. But the way she brought it up every. single. time. started getting to me. Basically she was implying that any guy who's into me must be a weirdo with a fetish, which felt like it was putting me down too. Back home I always got compliments and had pretty solid self-esteem, but slowly I started doubting every guy who approached me and became way more passive in dating. I told myself she was just looking out for me, so I let it go.
Then the incident happened. I got a new bf (now ex). He’s half American/half Italian and works as a model, objectively a very attractive guy. My friend asked if she could meet him, so we all hung out at his place drinking one night. The entire time she kept interrogating us about how we met, who approached who first, what he liked about me, etc. My ex just gave normal answers like “she’s pretty, smart and I like her personality.” Then my friend jokingly said something to him like “oh so you like soft and submissive Asian girls?” I felt uncomfortable immediately, but I stayed quiet and my ex awkwardly laughed it off.
Later in the night, my ex casually mentioned he'd been thinking about traveling to East Asia, that he'd always been curious about the culture and had wanted to go for a long time. She didn't say much then, but afterward she texted me pointing to exactly that moment like "see? told you. he clearly has an Asian fantasy. I think your bf has yellow fever."
That's when I snapped. I texted back telling her to cut it out, asked her how him wanting to visit Asia automatically equals yellow fever, and told her she just has an insecurity or jealousy toward me. She said she was only worried about me and couldn't believe I was reacting this way. We haven't talked since..
Part of me feels like I lost a friend. Part of me wonders if I went too far. Am I really blind to the truth like she says? Honestly I'm just confused at this point. AITA?
Edit: Thank you guys seriously. I’d been feeling really guilty about it so thank you for helping me realize I actually had valid reasons to cut her off. Part of me kinda wishes she could see these comments too. I think I got gaslit for a long time into thinking I just had to tolerate being called yellow fever bc she was supposedly “worried” about me. Really appreciate all the helpful advice. Wishing blessings for all of u!!