u/JulianILoveYou

im a frugal person, but i know nearly nothing about money. like nothing.

i grew up disadvantaged. less than 3 years ago i lived in a car. i found my way into an entry level job at a tech company, and did well. then i married a grad student.

i wont get into the details, but my wife and i are moving to manhattan for her new job, and her salary including bonus will be between 500-600k. for the last 2 years, we've been living on my income, roughly $70,000 plus her PhD stipend (~30k). 70k already felt insane to me. after 2 years i saved 40k, and i felt like we've lived extremely comfortably.

but this is a new realm. what do we even do with this much money? what do i need to do differently? what is step 1 here? do i set an appointment with a financial advisor? how do i go about doing that? i just want to learn how to handle this much money. this is new, exciting, and honestly a little scary to me. i'm just looking for a starting point here.

I know the immediate response here--"ask her what she likes" and yes, that's great advice, but it doesn't really work here.

i (25f) started hooking up with a trans girl i met on a dating app. shes funny, beautiful, and fun to be around. shes also extremely good at sex--probably the best ive ever had.

but when it's her turn, i sorta dont know what im supposed to be doing with her body? and it seems like she doesn't know either. i ask her what shes into, and she says "oh, whatever." and im like "ok, but like what specifically?" and she's like "literally anything." okay, so i go down on her. she's clearly not into it and eventually asks me to stop, and we go back to just kissing. since then i've tried other things, brought up suggestions, and she doesn't seem stoked about any of it. she loves making me feel good, but seems indifferent when i try to do anything for her. ive asked her if she'd be more comfortable if i didnt try to make her cum. she says no, she wants me to try. but all my attempts fall flat.

its weird to have to say this but in this context feels oddly necessary. im good at sex. in general i know what im doing. but i understand that her body and how she feels pleasure is different from that of a cis woman or a cis man. but she started her transition about a year ago, and i feel like shes as lost as i am on this.

trans women--ideally sapphic trans women--can you shed any light on this? she's been on HRT for a year. can you help me understand better what her body is going through so i can make our sex more pleasurable for her? what would you want me to do if you were in her position?