u/JumboPonderment

I’ve been seeking therapy for eight years for low confidence, external locus of control, negative mindset, anxiety, low self-worth, paranoia and people pleasing.

For eight years, I’ve seen therapists, and the sessions have gone like this: “I am completely powerless in this situation. There is nothing I can do.” “You’re right. You’re powerless.” “I am angry that everyone keeps hurting me.” “Yeah, nothing you can do about that.”

For eight years, at no point did a therapist say “It’s not as bad as you think, and you are capable and can do something about it.”

I don’t know why this has happened to me. I don’t know why for eight years no therapist has ever told me that I can do better. But eight years of my fears being reinforced with no intervention has led me to complete despair.

I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I want to be free to be myself and be happy and enjoy being alive and be able to appreciate myself and have a perspective on the world that involves kindness and silliness and appreciation. Why did this happen to me? Why did they do that to me? Why did nobody intervene to help me see things differently? How can I believe in myself when nobody else believes in me?

Edit: I know this is reddit so people here don’t really understand nuance but I do already dedicate 95% of my free time to trying to figure out this problem. No secondary gain, nobody is helping me, I don’t have any social connections, it does not bring me comfort, I don’t receive anything in exchange for feeling this way. If I knew how to believe in myself, I would.

Let’s say a person experienced legitimate neglect and abuse, and in response they developed a victim mindset— they have poor confidence, feel powerless, have low self-worth, they don’t stand up for themselves, they are frequently victimized, they believe they don’t have a future, don’t appreciate the good in their life, have an external locus of control, poor self-awareness, holds deep resentments…

But responds well to constructive criticism, has good discipline, and is highly motivated to change.

Assume the victim mindset causes the person profound distress and yet feels unsolvable to them at the same time.

How would you suggest that this person should correct this problem on their own, without therapy?