I hate myself
I hate myself so much, what is wrong with me?
I pushed and fought, I snapped and spewed until I ruined all that could have been.
He tried so hard, but I couldn't see. Too blinded by my own suffering.
I had so much love to give, but my thoughts silenced me.
I don't love myself or who I am, I'm worthless, I have nothing to offer.
I don't even know who I am anymore, nothing more than bitter.
I do the opposite of what I want and need, a recklessness burning so deep.
So ungrateful for everything, so many had much less than me.
He was so pure, so sweet, so kind, I destroyed his fundamental being.
I poked, I prodded until he cried and then I left him to bleed.
I never once apologised, too ashamed of what I had done.
I expected him to fix himself, then sat and wondered what was wrong.
I caused him such pain and suffering. I was the worst kind of drug. An addiction that didn't give anything, only took until he was done.
I hate myself, how am I so cruel, so blinded by my own self-doubt.
Why couldn't I just appreciate or acknowledge I needed help?
I was so ashamed of what's wrong with me, so tired of not being well.
I destroyed the one who comforted me, I dragged him through hell.
I have a pain, burned so deep, is it from when I was a child?
I'm obsessed with him, but so selfish, I hurt him more when he cried for help.
I made him guard himself, he thinks I hate the essence of who he is.
I destroyed everyone's life because I couldn't find happiness in bliss.
I'm not worthy of the love he gave, not worthy of his time.
How can I be kind to all, but the one that was mine.
I'm so broken and twisted, so shallow and cruel.
He gave me everything he could and I treated him like a fool.
So self-centred, I couldn't see his struggle, so burnt-out I thought I was too good.
He was drowning all by himself and I just kept filling up the pool.
I hate myself, hindsight is the fucking worst. Now I must live with my regrets, because I didn't want to acknowledge I was the disease.