u/JumpyGur630

“I’m 21, am I too old to start uni?” “I’m 22, am I too old?” “I’m 23, 24, 25, is it too late?” No. Oh my God, no. You are not old. You are literally in your twenties. Most people in university are in their twenties anyway. Some are younger, some are older, and honestly, once you actually get into uni, you realise nobody cares nearly as much as the internet makes it seem. The only way it’s “too late” to start something is if you’re six feet underground, and hopefully none of us are there anytime soon. You’re going to turn 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 regardless. Time is moving whether you panic about it or not. So would you rather be in your twenties or thirties with a degree, or in your twenties and thirties without one because you were too scared people would think you were “old”? Because everyone around you is ageing too. Literally everyone. And honestly, I get the insecurity because I’m 23 and in my second year of university, and sometimes I look around and think, “Damn, I might actually be one of the oldest people here.”

Then again, there’s probably someone older than me too, because people don’t exactly walk around campus screaming their birth year. Most people genuinely do not care how old you are unless you make it into a huge thing. And if you’re self-conscious about it, you’ve got options. You can keep your age private if you want. You can openly say it and realise nobody cares. Or you can embrace it, make friends with people younger, older, and your own age, and just enjoy uni for what it is. Because at the end of the day, everyone there is an adult. That’s the funny thing people forget. University is one of the only places where you’ll naturally meet people from different age groups all existing together. Some of my friends are younger than me by two or three years, some by four, five, even six years. Some people I know are older by three, four, or five years. And it genuinely does not matter because once you’re adults, age gaps in friendships stop being this dramatic thing the internet makes them out to be. During my foundation year when I was 20 turning 21, one of my closest friends was 32 years old. Nobody cared.

This rant was genuinely triggered by something someone said on r/twentyagers day or two ago because I saw someone compare a relationship between a 26-year-old and a 20-year-old to a relationship between a 26-year-old and a 14-year-old, and I’m sorry, but at that point the problem is genuinely you. Where is the common sense? Seriously, where is the common sense? How do you look at two fully grown adults and somehow compare it to a relationship involving a literal child? And this goes out to everyone who thinks like that: stop infantilising adults. Stop infantilising people in their late teens and twenties just because you personally wouldn’t date someone with that age gap. People kept saying, “But they’re college-aged,” and? And? Do people genuinely not realise that adults can be in university at different ages? Do people not realise that university students are adults? Some people are 18 in college, some are 20, some are 24, some are 30, some are even older because people enter education at different stages of life. I genuinely think people have become so obsessed with the whole “prefrontal cortex” argument that they’ve started using it to justify absolute nonsense. And the funny thing is, even that argument does not fully support what they think it does. People love repeating “the brain fully develops at 25” without understanding what they’re even talking about. Because even after the prefrontal cortex develops, the brain continues rewiring and developing for years afterwards. There were discussions connected to studies from University of Cambridge about the brain continuing to rewire and develop well into your early 30s, even around 32 and beyond. But am I sitting here saying everyone under 32 is a child? No.

Because that would be ridiculous. Human beings continue developing throughout life. That does not erase adulthood. The only reason people became obsessed with the “25” number in the first place is because older studies stopped there instead of continuing further into later adulthood, and now people online weaponise that number every single time they want to infantilise someone in their twenties. And then people started saying, “Well what about an 18-year-old dating a 23-year-old?” or “What about a 19-year-old dating a 24-year-old?” And honestly? If both people are consenting adults and both are comfortable in the relationship, then I genuinely do not care. If you like it, I love it. People act like adults suddenly lose the ability to make decisions for themselves because there’s a few years between them. Then they say, “What would they even talk about? They have nothing in common.” I don’t know, maybe the same way literally every other couple finds things in common? Do people genuinely expect relationships to be between two carbon copies of the same person? Because that’s the only way you’re going to find someone with identical life experiences, identical interests, identical maturity, identical personalities, identical stages of life, identical ways of thinking, and identical emotional intelligence. Human beings are different. That’s normal. And I’m sorry, but once someone is out of high school and is legally an adult, I personally do not care if they date another adult. They are not going backwards into childhood. Time moves forward. People online love screaming, “But two years ago they were in high school!” Okay? And are they in high school now? No. Are they a legal adult now? Yes. Then stop dragging grown adults backwards into adolescence every chance you get. And before someone twists my words, no, I’m obviously not talking about minors dating adults.

I’m not talking about a 70-year-old dating an 18-year-old or anything involving actual children. I’m talking about fully grown adults in normal adult relationships. Because apparently some people online have completely lost the ability to differentiate between a six-year age gap between adults and actual predatory behavior. And let’s be honest for two seconds: if you saw a 50-year-old dating a 56-year-old, nobody would care. Nobody would sit there crying about the “power imbalance” or screaming about maturity levels. So let’s stop pretending a six-year age gap magically becomes horrifying only when one person is in their twenties. Sometimes I genuinely think people need to think before they speak. I know the anonymity of Reddit makes people feel brave enough to say whatever comes into their heads, but please, let’s not become stupid in the process. Save the ignorance for your therapist, not for random grown adults existing peacefully in relationships that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Sorry for the rant, but the comparison genuinely irritated me because the internet has become way too comfortable infantilising adults. Yes, people in their twenties and thirties are young. Young as hell, honestly. But young does not equal child. Young does not equal helpless. Young does not equal 12, 13, or 14 years old. And young adults are not babies just because some people online cannot cope with the fact that adulthood starts earlier than they personally feel comfortable with.

Edit: Ironically just saw someone say they have a problem with a 19 year old dating a 23 year old...🤦‍♀️

People really need to stop acting like college students aren’t adults. University is part of real life. You’re paying bills, working jobs, making decisions for yourself, studying for a career, sometimes living alone, sometimes getting married, sometimes even raising children while studying. That is adulthood. I genuinely don’t understand this obsession people have with infantilising anyone under 25, or now apparently under 30 because of the “prefrontal cortex” conversations online. And even that argument gets twisted beyond recognition. Yes, the brain keeps developing and rewiring over time, but that does not magically make adults into children. And people also love ignoring the fact that more recent discussions around neuroscience have challenged the way the “brain fully develops at 25” statement gets repeated online. People keep throwing around “the prefrontal cortex finishes developing at 25” as if that suddenly means everyone under 25 is a child, when even researchers have discussed how brain development and rewiring continue far beyond that. There have even been discussions connected to research from places like University of Cambridge about extended adolescence and how the brain continues changing well into later adulthood, with some people referencing development and rewiring continuing into the early 30s. But even then, that still does *not* mean adults under 30 or 32 are children. Human beings continue changing throughout their entire lives. That’s normal. If brain development is the standard for adulthood now, then are people under 32 suddenly toddlers? Of course not. People need to stop using neuroscience as a way to erase adult autonomy.

An 18-year-old, 19-year-old, 20-year-old, 23-year-old, 27-year-old, or 30-year-old is still an adult, even if they are still learning, growing, or maturing emotionally. And honestly, I think some people are way too obsessed with “college bubbles,” “high school bubbles,” and “real life” as if university somehow exists outside reality. Maybe this mindset is stronger in America, but where I study, university is not the center of your entire existence. You attend classes and then live your actual life outside of them. People work 9-to-5 jobs while studying. People do placements, internships, night shifts, morning shifts. Some people have families. Some people commute. Some people are financially independent. So this idea that university students are somehow detached from adulthood makes zero sense to me. And another thing: people are way too obsessed with age milestones and timelines. Every day online it’s “I’m 20, is it too late?” “I’m 23, am I behind?” “I’m 30, can I still do this?” “I’m 35, should I start over?” Unless you are dead and buried underground, no, it is not too late. The only reason people feel “behind” is because society keeps comparing them to people who speedrun life. Some people get married at 20, have kids at 22, divorce at 25, and suddenly act like everyone else should follow the exact same path. Meanwhile other people want to travel, study longer, focus on work, focus on themselves, go out, make friends, build careers, or simply exist without rushing into marriage and children. And somehow that gets judged too.

Personally, I’m grateful I don’t want marriage or children because that lifestyle is a massive responsibility. Once you have a child, that is another human being depending on you financially, emotionally, physically, for years and years. That is not something everyone wants, and people should stop acting like there is only one correct way to live. Some people genuinely enjoy their freedom, and there is nothing wrong with that. The bitterness some people project online is exhausting. They act like because they are miserable, stressed, burnt out, or regretful, everyone else has to become miserable too. You’ll hear things like “wait until you enter the real world,” as if people with jobs, degrees, responsibilities, and independence are somehow still playing pretend. And even then, plenty of adults *do* enjoy their lives. Plenty of people love their careers, build businesses, travel, go dancing, go clubbing, attend festivals, make friends, enjoy hobbies, and still remain responsible adults. Being grown does not mean becoming joyless.

And then there’s the performative morality online where people obsess over adult relationships that are literally nobody’s business. I’m not talking about actual predatory situations. I’m talking about grown adults dating other grown adults. If a 25-year-old dates a 20-year-old, who cares? If a 19-year-old dates a 24-year-old, who cares? If a 21-year-old dates a 27-year-old, who cares? Not every relationship has to be “same age, same life stage, same exact maturity level.” Human beings are individuals. Different backgrounds, different experiences, different personalities, different emotional intelligence. Some people online genuinely act like you should only date someone born three months within your birth year or else it’s “problematic.” It’s absurd. And I’m tired of people bringing up “they were in high school two years ago” every single time they see a young adult existing. Okay? And? Are they in high school now? No. Are they a legal adult now? Yes. Then move on. Time moves forward. Nobody is reversing age and re-entering high school. That stage of life is over.

The obsession with dragging people backwards into childhood is honestly weird. I’ve even seen people infantilise adult actresses and singers because they’re “only 20” or “only 27,” or because they’re short, soft-spoken, or look younger. I’ve seen people act scandalised when adult actors kiss adult actresses in films as if they are not literally doing their jobs. It’s exhausting. And beyond age discourse, people online have become unbelievably negative and invasive in general since 2020. Everyone comments on everyone’s bodies, surgeries, wigs, weight, Botox, relationships, careers, lifestyles. Why do people care so much about what strangers do with their own lives? If someone gets plastic surgery because they were insecure, let them. If someone wears a wig because they feel more confident, let them. If someone loses weight for health or confidence reasons, let them. Focus on yourself. The internet has become this giant performance of judgment where people project their insecurities, regrets, and bitterness onto complete strangers.

And don’t even get me started on parasocial behavior. Shipping real-life actors, influencers, or friends together despite them asking people to stop is genuinely disrespectful. Fictional characters are fictional. Real people are real people. If someone says they are uncomfortable with being shipped, respect it. The people constantly forcing romantic narratives onto real friendships and co-stars are often the same people contributing to those friendships becoming strained in the first place. At the end of the day, people need to stop trying to control how others live. Not everyone wants the same timeline, the same relationship structure, the same lifestyle, the same milestones, or the same definition of happiness. Some people want families. Some people don’t. Some people want marriage. Some people don’t. Some people want careers first. Some people want adventure first. Some people want to dream big instead of becoming cynical and miserable. And honestly? Good for them. The world already has enough negativity without people trying to extinguish everyone else’s spark too.

Okay, quick story time about how my friends met!!

So my friend let’s call her L was 19, and we went to this party through a friend of a friend of a friend. You know how those go. Anyway, while we were there, she met this guy let’s call him P who was also a friend of a friend. He was around 26 or 27 at the time, and they just instantly clicked. Like, you could tell right away they got along so well.

Fast forward two years, L is now 21 and he’s about 28 or 29… and they’re getting married!! I’m genuinely so happy for them. I never imagined it would actually lead to this. What makes it even crazier is that P used to say he never wanted kids and never wanted to get married. And now, here we are. Two years later, and he’s getting married to her. I honestly can’t believe it it’s so sweet 😭

Imagine a future where age isn’t fixed where you can simply choose it.

There are advanced pods people can step into, designed to completely reset a person’s age. Inside the pod, you select the age you want to be. For example, an 80-year-old could choose to become 30 again. Once the process begins, the pod doesn’t just change how they look it fully rewinds their body and mind. Their biology, brain chemistry, physical appearance, and even how their brain functions all return to that of a 30-year-old. From that point on, they continue aging naturally from 30.

It works the other way too. Someone who wants to skip certain stages of life like the teenage years could choose to jump ahead. For instance, they could enter the pod, select age 27, and emerge with both the body and mental state of a 27-year-old. Their thoughts, emotional processing, and physical condition would all match that age, and they would continue living from there.

In this world, age becomes something flexible something you can reset or fast-forward rather than something you’re stuck with.

​

I’m an 18F dating a 23M. We’re both in college, take the same classes, and attend many of the same lectures, so we see each other a lot. This was even before we started dating. He also works at a coffee shop I go to often.

We’ve been dating for about two to three months now. At first, my friends had no problem with it. But as we got more serious, some of them started saying things like, “he’s grooming you.”

For context, there’s a five-year age gap between us, and I personally don’t see it as a big deal. He doesn’t either cause it's only 5 years at the end of the day. I know some people say we’re at different stages of life or have different levels of maturity, but honestly, we’re just dating, seeing how things go, and enjoying each other’s company. It’s a happy relationship.

What’s upsetting me is the way some of my friends keep making these accusations. I’ve also heard of situations at other colleges where people interfered in relationships with similar age gaps like the 18 year olds jumping the 22 year old who tried dating their friend after she agreed to do so too, and it’s making me worried about what others might say or do about ours.

Does anyone have any advice? I’d really appreciate it. Please keep the replies kind and respectful.