u/Jumpy_Worth_5729

for those of you who do vomit with your gp, what exactly is it that’s making you vomit? my drs try to work on nausea so much, but nausea isn’t what makes me throw up my food. i can physically feel my stomach is full, i cannot belch and i feel the food right at my throat and my stomach feels stretched out. i just bend over flex my stomach muscles and the food pushes out. i do get nauseous at random times, and my nausea does make me throw up at times when im empty but the fullness and undigested food sitting there and causing my heart rate to go up and i get extremely hot is what makes me have to throw up. i just feel like this issue isn’t getting pinpointed like nausea relief is great but that’s not gonna help my stomach digest the damn food if that makes sense. im confused how other people are able to eat at all. i know our cases are different but it makes no sense to me and i couldn’t imagine waiting for however many hours it would actually take for my stomach to digest some things and the pain i’d be in without throwing it up. hours and hours after ive eaten theres no way i could eat anything else unless i threw up was my stomach was already full of. idk if im eating too much and that’s a main issue or what it is but i just wanna know if yall are like this or what makes you actually vomit

so i’m 27F and i’ve been in therapy for years cause my physical health changed, but the past year has been so challenging and i started realizing i have deeper issues and than panic disorder and major depressive disorder. i’m currently in the process of getting my diagnosis but it’s excruciating not knowing. i could possibly have BPD, auDHD, which is already a two in one, or all of them. i feel like a broken person who has no point. i feel like every day is so hard just to do simple shit. sometimes i don’t want to brush my teeth and i have no real fucking reason and can be self aware, which is probably what i struggle with the most. being self aware, knowing when your brain shifts, or that you’re being irrational, or knowing you need to do something but can’t for no apparent reason but your mind. there’s so much shame attached to this and my self esteem sucks right now in all honesty. i think im too vulnerable right now to feel good about myself, but when i think back to high school i was a great student, social, cheerleader, singer, but then i think of how uncomfortable and burnt out i was 24 fucking 7 and nobody noticed, not even me cause i thought everyone felt that way. i’m constantly anxious, from the moment i wake up, my mind is constantly running, and scanning for danger even if i know i am safe. i used to drink a lot, but i don’t anymore. i have self harmed multiple times throughout my life as well, so emotional pain has been high for that and it continues to be that high, i just don’t harm myself even though sometimes i do want to only because the emotional pain is too great and something has to release. it’s so exhausting feeling like your mind is a prison. i will feel validated to have my diagnosis so i can learn, but really so the people around me will get a better understanding. i’ve spent my entire life explaining myself and im still misunderstood. i’ve grown to resent everyone because nobody gets me even when i over explain. i don’t have the fucking energy anymore to explain why the fuck something hurt me and that it doesn’t matter how you meant it or it doesn’t matter if it’s just as stupid to me, i’m actively saying out loud what i feel and what i need and i feel like it’s not heard. i feel like no one will ever truly understand me. I’m gonna be real, BPD doesn’t just randomly appear. in my case, I do connect it to my upbringing and the emotional environment I grew up in. that’s where a lot of my attachment wounds started. that doesn’t mean I’m saying “everything is my parents’ fault” in a simplistic way or that I don’t have responsibility for my own behavior now. But I also don’t think I have to pretend my childhood didn’t shape me just because it’s uncomfortable to say out loud. for me, it’s less about blame and more about acknowledging where the patterns started. whether i’m autistic and adhd or bpd or all of it, i don’t think my needs were ever met and im afraid they never will be.

my boyfriend and i live together and im so thankful for him sticking with me through all that he has, but that doesn’t mean that he always communicates correctly. i have had so many conversations with him about what i need and sometimes it seems too much but i can’t help what i respond well to or the feelings that come up, i just have to regulate it. getting met with defensiveness always triggers me more and triggers the “i hate you, don’t leave me.” i feel so much rage and hate when he fucks my nervous system up and ruins a conversation that could go the whole separate way. it takes real explaining for him to get where the conversation went wrong and that it was actually him if it is him. i know that my feelings are a lot and a lot of times it is me, so that’s why i feel so strongly about this and the communication aspect. just because i go to therapy and i own my shit and wanna know what i really deal with and admit to it, doesn’t give anybody the right to use it against me or always subject me as the problem every single time. if i deal with a mental illness, but im speaking what i need, it should be met. i feel like he tries to mange or fix my feelings rather than meet me there and try to understand. we’ve made a lot of strides with this and our relationship, i just know it can be better than this. i do and have listened to what he also needs in times of communication. what makes me the most mad is sometimes i have an irrational feelings but im able to talk calmly and it doesn’t get reciprocated. when my nervous system gets triggered like that i immediately am hot, shaking, need to cry, full of adrenaline, full fight or flight. a simple equal respect conversation goes a long way with me and what im normally looking for before i get to that point. i’m just kind of ranting at this point i just feel misunderstood, confused, angry and i just want to be happy. small inconveniences feel like my insides are burning, tone shifts, body language, unspoken moments, no text back or delayed, hanging up, it’s brutal to me and it’s fucking my life and relationships and it’s dumb because why do i constantly try to avoid feeling alone but i constantly do and constantly am. sometimes tasks seem impossible, or my boyfriend will help me cause i can’t do something and i feel like fuck me i guess i cant even fucking do anything right. i have a bad mindset sometimes that i might as well not do something if its not perfect. alright i could go on forever im gonna stop for now i just feel alone all the time, idk how to even receive love but know i deserve to be. this just fucking sucks and my mind will be boggled until i know exactly what my diagnosis and can know what my next step is. sorry for the messy rant, thanks for any advice

i’m feeling down and scared.. which isn’t saying much cause i kind of always feel like that. i struggled with mental health before i got sick, been sick for 8 years which has worsened it, and im just now figuring out im auDHD, possibly BPD, im not sure yet which is also causing me anxiety. i want to know what i have going on so i know how to better cope in this world and with gastroparesis and everything else - but it still doesn’t feel good cause just because i understand why i am the way i am, doesnt mean anybody else will. i constantly feel misunderstood from the mental health aspect and the physical aspect. i feel like no one around me gets it, no one understand the anger i have that my life is what it is or the pain and sadness i carry with me every day. ive been sick for 8 years, i cant even remember what it was like to be normal. i’m starving and malnourished constantly, but i avoid food until night and pay for it the next day. ive been in therapy but now in trauma therapy for everything, because im a couple months into “no contact” with some of my family, which is extremely taxing on the mind. i am having surgery need week to get the gastric stimulator and ive heard miracle stories and horror stories. i dont want to be let down but i really need this to work. i am so tired and if this doesnt work, ill feel like i wont have any fight left in me. one of the things im experiencing would send anyone into a spiral, but all of them? i dont know how im not having a heart attack, although it constantly feels like i am. the anxiety, lack of sleep, lack of nourishment, vomiting, sadness, and barely any support is too much for me. i do live with my boyfriend, and he’s my main support system/safe person. i just try to survive the day each day. sometimes i’m more positive than others. i just want to feel somewhat normal. i want this to work. does anybody else struggle with your neurodivergence with this condition or just your mental health in general? being sick makes me mentally ill, but being mentally ill makes me sick. i know it may sound weird like they couldn’t relate, but im constantly uncomfortable in my body because of this and makes things 10x harder. im about 100lbs so what pain level should i expect? how soon were you able to eat a reg meal/what kinds of foods? if you are neurodivergent, do you have a hard time with IVs or feeling certain things inside your body? if you have the stimulator and you’re neurodivergent did it bother you being in your body? i almost panic when i wake up and i want the iv out immediately cause its so uncomfortable for me but ive always seem dramatic cause no one knew i was neurodivergent. my parents didnt do their job, my psychiatrist sucks, but my therapist is great and my main gastro dr is brilliant, just not always available, but all in all i have to advocate for myself to get results. she is optimistic the stimulator will help me, but i know its hard to ever really know. i would love some comforting thoughts and answers if you have any

i’d like to say in advance im really sorry we’re all suffering and no one seems to care or notice how bad it is. it’s very exhausting and i think sometimes “it’s nice we have this community, just like a therapist, they can understand, but the day to day people i have in my life or the people who need to will never receive this” and that’s what makes this so angering.