A dovorced women in her 30's has a future in Algeria ? Or she should simply accept her sad reality that her life is ruined ?
As a man what do you think ?
I am 30 years old. My whole life, I was terrified of marriage and all the associated drama; I always saw it as a huge ordeal and figured it was better to stay unmarried than end up miserable. Then I met him. We went to school together, and he was genuinely the nicest, most well-mannered guy. Even though he didn't have much money, I believed that good character, kindness, and mutual respect mattered most. He had never been in a relationship before; he was gentle, easygoing, calm, and constantly encouraged me. We honestly felt like the definition of a healthy, happy couple. When we got married, it was the best time of our lives—we got along effortlessly. He used to tell me, "You're all I could ever want. I feel like a king. The house is spotless, the food is amazing, and my wife is gorgeous, neat, educated, smart, and sweet." He showered me with praise and attention... until I found out he was cheating.
I discovered he started talking to an old acquaintance. She messaged him saying, "I loved you," and the second he saw it, he started talking to her again—barely four months into our marriage! And I had no idea. The first time I found out, I was completely shell-shocked and beside myself. But I eventually forgave him, telling myself it was just a stupid mistake, that I didn't want to throw away all our good memories, and maybe I had fallen short somewhere. I poured twice as much effort into the relationship. He begged me to stay, saying he deeply regretted it, couldn't bear to lose me, and thanked me for acting like a true partner by covering for him and protecting his reputation in front of both our families instead of blowing up his spot. I believed him, thanked him for his remorse, and things actually went back to being better than before. I thought, Thank God, it's behind us.
Except it wasn't. Just a month after I caught him the first time, he went right back to her and kept a secret dynamic going with her for seven full months. He gave her intimate details about our life, and she knew everything about him. He even admitted to her that he was married and warned her that "all hell would break loose" if I found out, but added that he was doing it of his own free will and couldn't let go of either of us. The crazy part is I wasn't even snooping; the girl herself came forward, confessed everything, and sent proof straight to me and members of my family. When I saw the texts and voice notes a second time, I was ready to walk out and divorce him. But I cooled down a bit and told him his family needed to know, so my mom was brought into the loop. Naturally, when outside family members got involved this time, they told me to just sweep it under the rug and move on, but I just couldn't.
I couldn't bounce back after a shock like that. He cried, begged, tried everything, and initially lied through his teeth—swearing up and down that it never happened, that she was lying, and that he hadn't talked to her. But when I cornered him with airtight proof, he finally confessed. He even went as far as swearing falsely on the Quran that he didn't remember doing it, claiming he had a split personality or was put under a spell—a whole ridiculous performance. We even went to a therapist and a spiritual healer (raqi), and both confirmed nothing was wrong with him and it was just a reckless whim. Even then, I still didn't want to tear my home apart, especially since his parents had always been wonderful to me.
Then, shortly after all this, I found out I was pregnant. He told me, "See? Our problems are over, we can finally be at peace." But I couldn't just magically move past it. Every time I brought it up, he would blow up, yell at me, and snap, "I already said I'm sorry and I repented, just drop it!" But I couldn't wrap my head around why he did it, and it killed me that he broke his solemn promise after swearing he'd never touch base with her again. The stress during my pregnancy was so overwhelming that I lost the baby, and right now, I'm going through a miscarriage while staying at my parents' house. Whenever I mention coming home, he tells me no, stay where you are. He won't talk to me on the phone, doesn't check in, and gives me every excuse in the book—claiming his phones were taken away—leaving me feeling completely abandoned and neglected.
I finally opened up to my dad and explained the whole story. I told him how I had kept it a secret, covered for my husband, carried the heavy burden all by myself, and fought to protect my marriage and dignity. I told him that even now, I didn't want a divorce and still held onto a tiny bit of hope because I didn't want to erase all the genuine kindness and good times we used to share.
My dad was utterly devastated. He said he expected anything in the world except this, and that my husband had committed a massive betrayal by airing our private marital business to outsiders. While he didn't want things to end in divorce either, he insisted on having a man-to-man talk with him to clear the air.
My dad met with him and made it crystal clear that my tears aren't cheap, that what he did was monstrously damaging, and that it is my absolute right to still talk about it and need reassurance until the pain fades. He explained that a woman needs emotional safety and affection—especially after being betrayed, deeply hurt, and then abandoned during a medical crisis like a miscarriage when he should have stepped up instead of ghosting me. My dad told him, "Realistically, you should be carrying the blame for this miscarriage, but I took my daughter in because she's mine." He also noted that my husband had ducked out of holding a joint family meeting because he claimed he wanted to fix things on his own terms. My dad gave him a chance, asking for his word to genuinely turn over a new leaf, but warned him: if this ultimately leads to divorce, he won't care about anyone else's opinion, and I will walk back home with my head held high and completely protected.
At that point, we expected him to pick up the phone and reach out. Instead, we were blindsided when my mom called his mother to check in. His mother coldly told her, "My son said he spoke with your husband, and he's telling us 'I can't take this anymore. I can't handle this girl. No matter what I do, she refuses to forgive and keeps dragging up the past, telling me to divorce her if I can't make her forget. I have nothing left to give her.'" His mother even claimed she had neglected her own home because of this, that her son was completely fed up, and since I refused to let it go, he wasn't going to force me to stay. She added that he wanted a big family showdown with a strict condition: if I wanted to come back, I had to legally sign off on never mentioning the affair again, pretend it never happened, and start fresh without ever asking "why" or "how" he betrayed me. Four months of living in this exact same toxic loop!
(Just think about it: my husband cheated for 14 months of our marriage—he couldn't even manage to stay faithful for 4 months!)
My dad was stunned. He thought they had a mature, respectful agreement to wipe the slate clean. Instead, the husband showed up at our house with his father, who immediately started screaming at me right in front of my dad. He yelled, "What more do you want? A man makes a mistake and that's it, he asked for your forgiveness!" Then he started throwing out wild, completely false accusations—including that I intentionally refused to take my medicine so I would lose the baby! He just ranted and raged, leaving zero room for any actual conversation.
The next day, figuring there must have been a massive misunderstanding, I asked my mom to call my husband to talk things out. She discovered he had blocked her—and all of us. On top of that, I found out they had changed the locks on our house. When my dad tried to let me go back just to get my belongings, my father-in-law blocked him, saying, "Since she hates her house so much, I won't let her step foot inside. There's no love or mercy left between them! Go file for a Khula!" They only grudgingly let my mother briefly into the house to grab a few clothes and my gold jewelry.
To top it all off, my father-in-law even declared, "She won't even do her waiting period (Iddah) under our roof. If he even wants her back, she has to go rent her own place."
And now? They've completely ghosted us, launched secret divorce proceedings, left me clueless about my legal marital status, and refused to make a single phone call or offer an explanation. Meanwhile, I am still stuck dealing with the physical and emotional hell of finishing my miscarriage treatment completely alone.
What on earth am I supposed to do?
عمري 30. كنت حياتي كاملة خايفة من الزواج والمشاكل ونشوفو حاجة كبيرة. نقول نقعد بايرة خير من نتغبن. حتان جا واحد كان نعم الأخلاق قرى معايا. عامين واحنا مخطوبين، والله شفت منو ومن أهلو غير الخير. كان نعم الناس والتربية. هو ما عندوش بصح قلت الصح في الأخلاق والمعاملة الحسنة والطيبة. جامي كان في علاقة، حنين وطيب، ماشي يقلق وسهل ويشجعني في كلش.و الله كنا مثال تاع العلاقة الطيبة. تزوجنا وكانت أجمل أيام عمرنا، المفاهمة لأقصى حد، يقلي ما هو خاصني والو وراني عايش كي السلطان، داري نظيفة نقية، مرتبة، الماكلة بنينة، مرتي باهية ونظيفة ومثقفة وقارية وعاقلة. السيد يضل يشكر ويعطيني اهتمام عظيم وكبير... إلى أن اكتشفت خيانتو.
لقيتو بدا يهدر مع وحدة كان يعرفها.. بعثتلو قاتلو كنت نحبك و كي شاف الميساج رجع يحكي معاها بعد 4 أشهر زواج! وأنا لا خبر. المرة اللولة كي عرفت تشوكيت هبلت، من بعد سامحتو وقلت غلطة وما ننساوش الود اللي كان بيناتنا، وبالك أنا كنت مقصرة. وليت درت المجهود أضعاف مضاعفة وقلتلو خلاص نفتحو صفحة جديدة وهو قالي ندمت وما نقدرش نفرط فيك ونخسرك، وأنت كلش، ووقفتي معايا وقفة راجل وسترتيني وما حبيتيش تبدهدلي بيا توال ماليك وماليا. وأنا كنت غير نشكر فيه، توال أهلنا رجعنا خير من اللول وقلت خلاص الحمد لله.
لكن لقيتو زاد رجع من بعد شهر من اكتشافي وبقى سبع أشهر يحكي معاها من تحت السروال وروح، ويحكيلها تفاصيل حياتنا وتعرف كلش عليه، وكان علابالها انه متزوج، ويقلها كون تزيد تسمع راهي تخلى. وراني هنا بحريتي الشخصية و ماش قادر نستغنى عليك وعليها . المشكل والله ما فتشت وراه ولا بالعكس، الطفلة هاذي جات حكاتلي كلش وراحت بعثت ليا ولأفراد من أهلي. كي شفت المحاداثات و التسجيلات لبمرة الثانية كنت راح نطلق من بعد تهدنت وليت قلتلو ماليك لازم يسمعو وسمعت ماما. أكيد كي دخلت الأطراف المرة هاذي قالولي خلاص فوتي واسمحي، وأنا ما قدرتش.
ما قدرتش بعد هول الصدمة. السيد بكى وندم، وحاول كلش وكذب عليا، بلي ماكانتش منها الحكاية، وراهي غير تكذب، وما رجعتش، لكن كي زيرتو بالأدلة اعترف بكلش. بالرغم كان حلف على المصحف كذبا أنه ماهوش شافي واش دار وراه عندو انفصام في الشخصية و راه مسحور المهم حكاية كبيرة. جربت رحنا للطبيب النفسي، والراقي أكدولي أنه ما بيه والو وراه مجرد نزوة. أنا ما حبيتش نخرب داري، خاصة أنه أهله ناس ملاح وشفت غير الخير منهم.
المشكل بعد الحكاية لقيت روحي بالحمل، وقال خلاص المشاكل بيناتنا تهنينا، لكن الموضوع ما قدرتش نتخطاه، وكل مرة نجبدو يولي يهاوشني. و يعيط و يقلي خلاص انا ندمت و تبت انساي لكن انا ما قدرتش نستوعب لاه دار واش دار و ما قدرتش ننسى انه عاود بعد ما أكدلي ما يزيدش يولي . قلقن بزاف في فترة حملي حتان توقف مات البيبي وراني ضرك في فترة إجهاض عند أهلي. كل ما نقلو نروح يقلّي لا ابقاي، وراه ما يهدر معايا في البورطابل، ما يحوسش، يقلي حبسولي بورطابلاتي ، وكل مرة عذر، وحسيت بإهمال شديد. .
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هدرت مع بابا فهمتو واش صرا. كنت قتلو راني خبيت الحكاية عليك و سترت على زوجي و حملت كلش على جالو و صنت داري و نفسي. و حتى الآن ماش حابة نطلق و مازالني عندي أمل فيه رغم واش دار لأني مانيش ناكرة للود اللي كان بيناتنا و الخير اللي دارو فيا من قبل.
الوالد تصدم صدمة عمرو قالي توقعت كلش الا نسمع خبر هكذا و انه أخطأ خطأ عظيم و كيفاه يشارك أسرار الزوجية بيناتكم. أكيد ماش حاب نلحق لموضوع الطلاق بصح قالي نحكي معاه راجل راجل و نشوف
الوالد حكى فهمو انو دموع بنتو غالية و الشيء لي دارو كبير بزاف و انو عماها حرفيا. و انه أبسط حقوقي نبقى نهدر على الموضوع و هو يرضيني حتان ننسى وانو الأنثى تحتاج احتواء و احساس بالحب خاصة انك خنتها و قستها و في ظرف كيما هذا يهجر و يبعد و ماجا ما طل ما حوس. قالو أصلا نورمالمون الاجهاض تتحملو انت بصح هاذي بنتي راني خليتها عندي. و فهمو بلي راه ما حبش يحط مجمع يحظر فيه والديه لأنه مهما يكن حاب الاصلاح. و قالو أعطيني عهد تفتح صفحة جديدة. و مهما يكن اذا وصل الأمر للطلاق ماش راح يهمو الأمر في حتى واحد و بنته معززة مكرمة ترجع ! .
لحد الآن توقعنا انه يولي يهدر يهز التلفون و يعيط. حتان تفاجأنا بعدما ماما عيطت لأمه تسقسي عليها قاتلها راه قالنا ولدنا بلي حكى معاه نسيبو و راه يقول ماقدرتش كثرمن هكذا مانيش قادر نحمل الطفلة كيما درت معاها ماش حابة ترضى و تبقى غير تجبد في الموضوع كل مرة و تقلي طلقني اذا ماكش قادر تخليني ننسى. ماعنديش واش نقدملها فوق هكذا. عجوزتي قالت بلي هي ثاني هملت دارها وولدي راه كره و اعتذر و تاب و هي اللي ماش حابة ترضى ماش راح يفورصيها تبقى. و راه يقول نديرو مجمع نتلاقاو فبه و نحط شرط اذا راهي حابة ترجع للدار لازم تتعهد انها ما تزيدش تجبد على الموضوع و تنساه و نبداو من جديد ما تبقاش كلمة زوج تفتحلي الموضوع و تلوم عليا ووتقلي لاه و كيفاه خنتني . 4 اشهر و احنا في نفس السيناريو بزاف .
) راجلي 14 شهر من زواجنا و هو يخون ما قدرش يصبر 4 أشهر )
بابا تشوكا كان حاسب خلاص هدرو كلمة راجل راجل و تتفتح صفحة جديدة. المهم جا لدارنا و جاب بيو و أبوه ناض يعيط عليا في حضور أبي . قالي واش تحوسي يخي الراجل يغلط و خلاص طلب السماح. و رجع يتهمني في حوايج ماكانش منهم من بينهم اني ماش حابة نشرب الدواء عليها ماطاحش البيبي!. و قعد يعيط و ما خلاش اصلا مجال للحوار.
غدوة من ذاك قلت اكيد كاين سوء تفاهم قلت لماما تعيط لراجلي تفهمو لقاتو بلوكاها و بلوكانا كامل. و لقيتهم بدلو مفتاح تاع الدار و شيخي ما خلانيش نروح لداري باه على الأقل نجيب حوايجي. قالهم مدام كرهت دارها ما نسمحلهاش تدخللها و خلاص راحت المودة و الرحمة بينهم !. و روحي اطلبي الخلع !. بالسيف باه خلاو ماما تدخل لداري تجيبلي شوي حوايجي.و ذهبي. و قالهم مام العدة ماديرهاش في الدار و اصلا كون يحب يرجعها تخرج تكري
وضرك ما فهمونا دارو اجراءات طلاق ما فهت روحي مطلقة ما عيطو ماكان حتى خبر منهم و انا للضرك راني نعاني مع الداواء باش نجهض ماكان والو.
كيفاه ندير ؟
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حاولت ان انتحر بجرعات دواء عشوائية لكن بعد تفكير طويل و تذكر اننا في ايام حرم جاهدت نفسي و قررت ان أصلي ركعتين في الثلث الأخير بكيت و امتنعت عن شرب و لو قرص واحد. أخبرت الله انني تعبت من شدة البلاء و ان صبري والله لم يعد يجملني و قلت ان يعجل موتي و أخبرته أن يعطيني رسالة لانني لا أفهم الاشارات الربانية فتحت المصحف على هاته الآيات
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حاولت ان انتحر بجرعات دواء عشوائية لكن بعد تفكير طويل و تذكر اننا في ايام حرم. جاهدت نفسي و قررت ان أصلي ركعتين في الثلث الأخير. بكيت و امتنعت عن شرب و لو قرص واحد. أخبرت الله انني تعبت من شدة البلاء و ان صبري والله لم يعد يجملني و قلت ان يعجل موتي . و أخبرته أن يعطيني رسالة لانني لا أفهم الاشارات الربانية. فتحت المصحف على هاته الآيات