u/Just-Attitude5243

⭐️ TL;DR: I (21, F) want to move out, but I feel guilty to leave my parents to handle my younger sibling with an ED and other mental health problems.

‼️ Long story so get comfortable 😓

To make a long story short, my sister has been battling with childhood trauma via the internet, potential mood disorders, and an eating disorder. And it has gotten out of control.

We built a support system of therapist, dietitians, we got her medication, we tried family based therapy, but unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. We altered our schedules, stopped everything for her, spend thousands of dollars. And all we got in return is crippling anxiety, dread, depression, trauma, and a wrecked family. I understand mental illness is a bitch, and lying and shame is a BIG part of EDs. But the constant lies, manipulation, distrust, threats. It’s gotten unbearable and has wrecked me and my parents. For a lack of better words, my sister made home a living HELL.

She’s currently inpatient and unfortunately it seems she’ll be coming back. We’ve been debating whether we send her to a facility out of state (ED resources where I live is essentially none existent) OR try to help her recover at home but under stricter conditions.

Those 3 days when she wasn’t at home felt like heaven. Me and my family could finally breathe and not constantly worry. I actually felt HAPPY to be at home. But now with her coming back, I can’t do this again. I can’t live like this. And my parents shouldn’t have to either.

The constant supervision/altering our schedules to make sure someone was watching her, adjusting our meals for foods she would actually eat cuz she needed calories. Did she eat enough? Is her medication working? When’s the next relapse? Is she lying? Is she manipulating us again? Is she going to hurt herself? When is this going to end?? We are obviously not qualified to provide extensive help, but we can only spend so much money and time. We’re grasping at straws.

Everything and every thought was about her. Worst of all? She doesn’t give a FLYING RATS ASS. She is a teen after all. But she’s a traumatized, mentally unwell teen with an ED.

I don’t like being around her. I hate what she has done to this family. I feel beyond horrible when I’m near her. I’m done. I want to move out. I’m 21 after all so I should’ve been out a while ago. But I feel so guilty leaving my parents. Yes she’s their responsibility, but they hate this situation as much, if not, more than me. I would help keep an eye on her, buy her food, give them a break. Anything to help them. But deep down, I wanna start living my life. But that feels selfish. How can I enjoy my life when my parents are fighting an uphill battle that’ll drain them mentally and financially.. they support me moving out and want me to live my life, but I just can’t do that to them.. I actually love my parents.

I’m so lost. Right now, life is not good.

I understand the person really struggling is my mentally unwell sister, but MY GOD is affecting everyone too 🥀🥀🥀🥀

To make a long story short, my sibling (teen) has been battling with childhood trauma via the internet, potential mood disorders, and an eating disorder. And it has gotten out of control. Last night she got admitted.

You can judge and criticize my family. We’ll own up to our shit ands faults. But we didn’t know how bad things would escalate. We didn’t know she was deeply troubled as she is. We built a support system of therapist, dietitians, we got her medication, we tried family based therapy, but unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. The constant lies, manipulation, distrust, threats. I know lying and shame is a big part of EDs, but it’s gotten unbearable and has wrecked me and my parents. For a lack of better words, my sibling made home a living hell.

She is currently inpatient at some building. We are currently trying to find a facility that specializes in EDs and take her. The ideal situation is that the building currently housing her will keep her until we get her into an actual facility.

If they decide to give her to us early…. I don’t what we’ll do. I actually might runaway. After admitting her, she has proven she is a danger to herself and the family. She cannot be let go. I don’t feel safe (and I’m a young adult). We’ve had a couple phones from her via the facility and we already know she HATES us and has even implied threats (to herself or us? Hard to tell rn)

I’ve tried looking at things from her perspective. She’s definitely feels horrified, abandoned, angry, and betrayed. No teen should be going through this. But this was the last resort and she needs ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL help that me and the family can’t provide. I’m sorry we failed her. We truly wish the best for her and we’ll be there every step of the way (with boundaries ofc). We won’t let her go. Shes still family after all.

Is there hope in this situation? Anyone who has been admitted and has received treatment, how did it end up for you? I know each case is different, but I’m so lost right now. I need to need things MIGHT be alright.

I’m just so scared for the future. But ofc, I can imagine my sister, deep, deep, deep, deep, down, is very scared too.

‼️ CONTEXT: IM ASKING A QUESTION CONCERNING A PARENT OF A CHILD IN RECOVERY FOR AN ED. I WOULD NOT READ IF YOU ARE A MINOR AND/OR IN RECOVERY.

‼️‼️ TW CONTENT: weight, pre-recovery behaviors

This is a very niche problem and I couldn’t think of anywhere else to ask besides here. Sorry.

For personal reasons, I’ll be vague regarding people’s identities. Long story short, my sibling is in recovery for bulimia. A few months ago, they would hide “evidence” in their bedroom. To spare them of cleaning their room, my parents did it. Obviously this was distressing. But it had to be done in order to give my sibling safe and clean room for recovery.

However, it seems this experience has affected one of my parents badly to the point where they’re having trouble eating. Some days they can eat fine, but some days they eat very little. And unfortunately they are starting to lose weight. Not drastically, but slowly.

Unfortunately, therapy for that parent is not possible right now. Which I understand is what they most likely need. I’m pretty sure the parent knows about their problem and what caused it, they just don’t know how to process it.

So in the meantime, I’ve been trying to give them “solid looking” foods (nothing that’ll resemble what they saw) or foods they’re always liked. This seems to work.

But are there any other ways I would could help? How do I go from here? Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!