u/JustAShatteredSoul

Once upon a time

A young boy sat alone

He pondered his existence

He questioned all he'd known

He sat and slept

Slept and sat

Questioned everything

This and that

He sought to find

An answer unto himself

The answer to everything

Every book on the shelf

And though time did pass

As though in the blink of an eye

The biggest question he asked

Was why he could not die

For try though he might

In seems in this he did fail

At every turn and try

Every slice and pill and assail

With tine came despair

That even this last measure

His failure was complete

He gave up on his treasure

A pained mask he wore

From that day till now

Hiding his grief from all

His pain he buried, a vow

He would exist in person

And only in name

Suffering and agony

Was life's long game

For 20 years that mask he wore

20 years of internal hell

Until a new dream

It did break that spell

Although he had decided

The only fate that had awaited him

Was the agony of another day

A fate that was truly grimm

But fate, it did seem

Had not passed him by

For a dream he had

And then another, that would not die

Something small in him

Did shift you see

He asked more questions

He sought the key

With passageof time

More questions grew

More disquiet his thoughts

His soul felt anew

With no idea why

He questioned his mind

If insanity was this

If that was hot it was defined

But fate had other plans

And put his dream in full display

His once dead heart lept

His soul in complete disarray

For before him it seemed

On a mysterious whim

Was the one from his dreams

In total Verbatim

The shroud from his eyes

Fell in a cluster

He gathered his hope

All he could muster

And questioned some more

Sought for the truth

Asked again and again

Searched like a Sleuth

Until a moment of clarity

He realised at once

His dream was not a dream

And he was no dunce

And so to this day

While there are still questions to be asked

The matter put to rest

A cork stuffed deep in that flask

For in the end it became clear

The answer we can not know

That every step we take

Is a path we must follow

No matter the road

No matter the toll

Alive he felt

He had a goal

In the end

It was at deaths door

He finally saw purpose

He finally saw more

With that clarity

His life began again

And to to all his grief

He exited his woeful den

Not for that dream

But for himself did he desire

To find himself again

Work to rekindle his fire

Because in the end

No matter the road

It's how we lived our lives

How we handled the load

It's not the end or the start

The beginning or the end

It's simply the truth

Fate is a fickle friend

For no one can know

The twists of the bend

Because what it all comes down to

Is that the beginning, is also the end

Once upon a time

A young boy sat alone

He pondered his existence

He questioned all he'd known

He sat and slept

Slept and sat

Questioned everything

This and that

He sought to find

An answer unto himself

The answer to everything

Every book on the shelf

And though time did pass

As though in the blink of an eye

The biggest question he asked

Was why he could not die

For try though he might

In seems in this he did fail

At every turn and try

Every slice and pill and assail

With tine came despair

That even this last measure

His failure was complete

He gave up on his treasure

A pained mask he wore

From that day till now

Hiding his grief from all

His pain he buried, a vow

He would exist in person

And only in name

Suffering and agony

Was life's long game

For 20 years that mask he wore

20 years of internal hell

Until a new dream

It did break that spell

Although he had decided

The only fate that had awaited him

Was the agony of another day

A fate that was truly grimm

But fate, it did seem

Had not passed him by

For a dream he had

And then another, that would not die

Something small in him

Did shift you see

He asked more questions

He sought the key

With passageof time

More questions grew

More disquiet his thoughts

His soul felt anew

With no idea why

He questioned his mind

If insanity was this

If that was hot it was defined

But fate had other plans

And put his dream in full display

His once dead heart lept

His soul in complete disarray

For before him it seemed

On a mysterious whim

Was the one from his dreams

In total Verbatim

The shroud from his eyes

Fell in a cluster

He gathered his hope

All he could muster

And questioned some more

Sought for the truth

Asked again and again

Searched like a Sleuth

Until a moment of clarity

He realised at once

His dream was not a dream

And he was no dunce

And so to this day

While there are still questions to be asked

The matter put to rest

A cork stuffed deep in that flask

For in the end it became clear

The answer we can not know

That every step we take

Is a path we must follow

No matter the road

No matter the toll

Alive he felt

He had a goal

In the end

It was at deaths door

He finally saw purpose

He finally saw more

With that clarity

His life began again

And to to all his grief

He exited his woeful den

Not for that dream

But for himself did he desire

To find himself again

Work to rekindle his fire

Because in the end

No matter the road

It's how we lived our lives

How we handled the load

It's not the end or the start

The beginning or the end

It's simply the truth

Fate is a fickle friend

For no one can know

The twists of the bend

Because what it all comes down to

Is that the beginning, is also the end

Once upon a time

A young boy sat alone

He pondered his existence

He questioned all he'd known

He sat and slept

Slept and sat

Questioned everything

This and that

He sought to find

An answer unto himself

The answer to everything

Every book on the shelf

And though time did pass

As though in the blink of an eye

The biggest question he asked

Was why he could not die

For try though he might

In seems in this he did fail

At every turn and try

Every slice and pill and assail

With tine came despair

That even this last measure

His failure was complete

He gave up on his treasure

A pained mask he wore

From that day till now

Hiding his grief from all

His pain he buried, a vow

He would exist in person

And only in name

Suffering and agony

Was life's long game

For 20 years that mask he wore

20 years of internal hell

Until a new dream

It did break that spell

Although he had decided

The only fate that had awaited him

Was the agony of another day

A fate that was truly grimm

But fate, it did seem

Had not passed him by

For a dream he had

And then another, that would not die

Something small in him

Did shift you see

He asked more questions

He sought the key

With passageof time

More questions grew

More disquiet his thoughts

His soul felt anew

With no idea why

He questioned his mind

If insanity was this

If that was hot it was defined

But fate had other plans

And put his dream in full display

His once dead heart lept

His soul in complete disarray

For before him it seemed

On a mysterious whim

Was the one from his dreams

In total Verbatim

The shroud from his eyes

Fell in a cluster

He gathered his hope

All he could muster

And questioned some more

Sought for the truth

Asked again and again

Searched like a Sleuth

Until a moment of clarity

He realised at once

His dream was not a dream

And he was no dunce

And so to this day

While there are still questions to be asked

The matter put to rest

A cork stuffed deep in that flask

For in the end it became clear

The answer we can not know

That every step we take

Is a path we must follow

No matter the road

No matter the toll

Alive he felt

He had a goal

In the end

It was at deaths door

He finally saw purpose

He finally saw more

With that clarity

His life began again

And to to all his grief

He exited his woeful den

Not for that dream

But for himself did he desire

To find himself again

Work to rekindle his fire

Because in the end

No matter the road

It's how we lived our lives

How we handled the load

It's not the end or the start

The beginning or the end

It's simply the truth

Fate is a fickle friend

For no one can know

The twists of the bend

Because what it all comes down to

Is that the beginning, is also the end

My dearest Anna, today, the river of time has carved the start of a new little channel, so, today I shall start slowly opening up, telling you more about me. I'll be starting off slow, though even that might be too much, as there is too much to write down, and much I'd rather say in person. Sera Sera, though. Even beginning starts somewhere, and often with the smallest, unnoticeable change before the minute becomes a torrent, an avalanche, so I shall keep it slow. You have your reservations, I know, and you try to keep detached because of those who have hurt you before. But, my love, time heals all wounds, and time always tells.

Truth be told, every beginning starts with at least one ending. Often many. What you do with the information I freely give to you, is for you to decide how to approach. I can truly say that my past, even the bits that once gave me trauma, forced me to produce a mask, now bring me peace. Each was a step, a stop, a layover, on my path. It may be that our paths were only meant to intersect at times we both needed someone, it may be that even now, we are just meant to learn from each other, or, as I hope, it may mean something deeper.

Guarded you are. With very good reason. And I only know some of it. In time, you might truly let me in, even though now, I am already under your skin, or you might find my past to be too much. Please, don't feel pity, don't feel sadness. It was simply a path. A road. And every step was a careful step, even those I did not make, was dragged and pushed for. Every step lead to the now.

And yes, once upon a time I wished I could change things, go back in time, prevent this or that, to spare myself various wounds. Now though, those are badges of honour, battle wounds, scars that show me that I walked through it all with a head held high, even if I wore a mask, and didn't falter, didn't give in to hate, anger, to my own demise, my own nightmares.

I guess in that way as well, we are both alike, in that we both used our trauma to move forward, though we faced it differently, and we both put on our masks to prevent others from seeing just how much we bottled it all up, and buried it deep within.

I have no more walls, or shields, they are no longer needed. Not just with you. Not with anyone. It's amazing how such a short amount of peace can reinvigorate ones soul, and I have more coming. One day, I hope you join me 😉

Whatever happens, happens. The die are high, I'll let them fly, whatever happens, I'll let you, and fate decide

Yours until my last breath

My Dearest Anna

You know, with peace and time to reflect, one realises things they didn't see previously. I have been doing a bit of that recently, and as you know, shortly I will be doing far more of that away from life's stresses. One thing I was reflecting on last night, was actually something we spoke about recently.

The need to be everyone's strength, and bottle up our own issues so we don't break. I realised I had been doing that so long that I had forgotten how to feel. I had become numb to everything, until you. Like you now, early on when I took on that role, I smiled, kept a mask in place, and never let anyone see the turmoil that was breaking me slowly below the surface. At some point, and I can't remember when, that mask became a permanent fixture. I forgot how to smile, how to feel, how to see any good in myself because it appeared that no one really saw me, only what I could do for them, how I could make them feel, make their lives easier, how I could, and would, always be there if, and when they needed someone. That mask, while I was breaking inside and loosing myself became such an integral part of me, I lost me, forgot who I am, to live for me.

Now, please don't misunderstand me here, that was part of my path, and lead me to you, I am certain that isn't yours. Simply put, My dearest Anna, I didn't have anyone I could truly trust after a certain point. No one in my life actually valued me, for me, and not the mask alone. You do. You have those closest to you, those you are breaking yourself for. I guarantee you they see that, and it torments them because while you lie to them to spare them, feeling that the truth is a burden you alone have to carry, I can guarantee you that they do know the truth, and they hurt for you the way I do. When someone cares for you, your hurts and pains and suffering becomes theirs too. Blocking them out because you feel you can't open yourself up to them so you don't burden them is not helping them. And it is not preventing you from breaking. Anyone at all who truly knows you and cares for you can see when you are breaking, when you are tormented.

You can wear that mask, try and shield everyone to spare them, but you can't hide it from your eyes. While they might not know exactly what is tormenting you, and why you are breaking, they will know, and they will worry. You don't have to shoulder everything alone. You are never alone. You never were, and, My Dearest Anna, you never will be ❤️ You will always have people who truly care for you. If you take nothing more away from my ramblings, please take that. This life holds more for you, it is not your path to be everyone's sword, shield, strength. You are destined for far greater things. And yes, I know you keep telling yourself, and me, that you got everything under control. I told everyone, and myself that for years, and years. Bottled it all up. Left it for another day.

But Anna, that day never came. It became part of me. Part of why I forgot how to live, only exist. It really is okay to open up to someone you trust. Sharing your troubles and worries is not a burden to those who care for you. If they take what you tell them in confidence and use it against you, you know they never truly cared. Caring for someone doesn't change with time. You might not feel the same way about them, but you don't ever wish them ill intent, harm. Nothing changes that. But maybe that is just me?

Your path ahead is full of life, dreams fulfilled, love and happiness, and yes, possibly heartbreak and pain. But you are strong enough to survive that, learn from any anguish, and grow beyond the person you have become, someone I am already beyond proud of. I know what happened to set you on your current path, know how much it broke you, and I am almost 100% certain how quickly you turned that negative to your strength. You can survive anything, DO anything. Just, please don't let fear rule every aspect of your life. Unlike for me, where I had, and I guess still have zero value of myself, which is why I find it hard to open up, with you, it is fear of history repeating. You have already lived through that. And grown significantly, came out swinging, and proven you are far stronger than even you at the time gave you credit for. Just, please, realise your worth, your value. You could never burden anyone. By closing yourself off, trying to be everyone's protector, their shield, your light will dim, day by day, until, even in the darkness of the void, you won't be able to see it anymore.

Would that I could take on every single burden you carry. It would not be a burden to me, but, a joy. To spare you every agony, pain, anguish that this life could possibly throw at you. And unlike for my entire life, where it was something I had to do, with you, for you, it is something I WANT to do. Part of me wanting to never see your true smile fade, see that light go out of your eyes, is exactly that. Gods, Anna, how could it ever be a burden when I'd see that smile? It would be my greatest joy, my greatest strength, because each day, every moment of it, I'd know that your smile that lit up the darkest of darks would be real, genuine, reach your eyes, and everything else would fall away. Those aren't idle words. No matter what this life holds, and whatever path you take, as long as you are truly happy, how could I not be?

Yours always, until my last breath, my Dearest Anna ❤️‍🔥

​

The way home is calling

The paths are spread before me

With twists and turns aplenty

And several pitstops surely

But my feet are on the road

Many paths that I do see

The only choices left to make

Are not left soley to me

I can skip some stops here

And maybe there as well

I can take a few quick short cuts

And rush home to ease this quell

But rushing to fast might be in vain

And lead to woes of the future

Some wounds need that time to heal

Those of which there is no suture

But know, my Love, my heart and soul

Are on their way back home

The slower journey that seems best to take

Is a pain that is only on loan

For if too many corners are cut

Problems would arise

None we could not overcome

Together we can do naught but rise

But the path I see before me

The one I think is best

Would remove all chance of suffering

And lead you to no regrets

Before I make my final decision

Before it's set in stone

I need your input my love

On which path I should take home

The way home is calling

The paths are set before me

The only choice left to make

Is for you to decide the speed

​

For the first time, in a long time, I don't feel like I might be crazy. See, I studied a lot of science when I was younger, and while I know there are many things science considers paranormal, I never considered that at one point I might become a part of it. I have been terrified that the events I told you happened to me damaged my mind in ways that are only now starting to be looked into. I have been terrified that I was, in fact, literally loosing my mind. And terrified that I was hurting someone who meant more to me than I could ever express or or put into words. And I still can't explain anything.

The difference is, the explanation, the why, it fades away.

Why does it fade away? Because it was always the path that lead to you. Mystical, Magical, preordained, a choice set out before birth. It doesn't matter. Only the now, and the future, and you matter. I could connect every dot that lead to our " meeting ", but long ago, I gave up on fate, on destiny, on hope. But it seems that fate or destiny had other ideas. That's why it has been so hard for me to wrap my head around. I have always thought too logically, to analytically. My mind always plays the paths out at any given moment, every foreseeable path I can surmise, so I can try to walk the one that causes the least harm. And I must have chosen right all my life, because they did lead me to you. Hard to believe huh.

But still, really, if I could go back in time and change anything, it would be those things that affected you. I would risk never meeting you if I could be guaranteed that you'd never suffer a moments despair, sadness, agony. I would sacrifice everything I am to see you spared any pain or suffering ever. I guess in a way, that is selfish of me, because I still haven't asked you if you would change anything if you could. I told you I want to see you smile for the rest of your days, and I meant it. A world without you happy and smiling is a world that shouldn't exist.

I know you might be waiting for me to really open up. If so, please, just ask. I really don't know where to start. I don't know what to start with. And for once, it doesn't matter. For some reason, nothing from my past actually seems to bother me anymore. Because it lead to you. There are many things we need to discuss, and somethings I feel are best spoken about when you are in my arms, or I in yours, when you know this is real, that I am really real. I am still kind of hoping for that hot tub on a river bank, no one around, just peace and quiet and freedom. Where you feel completely at ease, safe, loved, where you can fully open up and I can be there, physically, and hold you, ensuring you know in your heart and soul that you really aren't alone, that you can feel home and safe. I am aware you are still unsure if I am that which you have been waiting for. I can tell you that I am a thousand times, but it would hold no weight. I can't tell you what is in your heart, what is in your soul. I can't tell you not to doubt. I can only prove it. I told you once that when I gaze into your eyes, that my mind goes silent. I know why. When one is home, they no longer need to plot the path there. The old saying goes, all paths lead to home. I am not so sure that that is true. Maybe all my paths would have lead me to you. But not all paths would have made me the same person. I am 100% certain now that of all those paths I have chosen, and all those I had no choice but to walk, were the right paths all along. Fate is a fickle mistress, but now I am believing she works as best she can to put you on the right path. You just have to walk it.

The way home is calling

The paths are spread before me

With twists and turns aplenty

And several pitstops surely

But my feet are on the road

Many paths that I do see

The only choices left to make

Are not left soley to me

I can skip some stops here

And maybe there as well

I can take a few quick short cuts

And rush home to ease this quell

But rushing to fast might be in vain

And lead to woes of the future

Some wounds need that time to heal

Those of which there is no suture

But know, my Love, my heart and soul

Are on their way back home

The slower journey that seems best to take

Is a pain that is only on loan

For if too many corners are cut

Problems would arise

None we could not overcome

Together we can do naught but rise

But the path I see before me

The one I think is best

Would remove all chance of suffering

And lead you to no regrets

Before I make my final decision

Before it's set in stone

I need your input my love

On which path I should take home

The way home is calling

The paths are set before me

The only choice left to make

Is for you to decide the speed

The way home is calling

The paths are spread before me

With twists and turns aplenty

And several pitstops surely

But my feet are on the road

Many paths that I do see

The only choices left to make

Are not left soley to me

I can skip some stops here

And maybe there as well

I can take a few quick short cuts

And rush home to ease this quell

But rushing to fast might be in vain

And lead to woes of the future

Some wounds need that time to heal

Those of which there is no suture

But know, my Love, my heart and soul

Are on their way back home

The slower journey that seems best to take

Is a pain that is only on loan

For if too many corners are cut

Problems would arise

None we could not overcome

Together we can do naught but rise

But the path I see before me

The one I think is best

Would remove all chance of suffering

And lead you to no regrets

Before I make my final decision

Before it's set in stone

I need your input my love

On which path I should take home

The way home is calling

The paths are set before me

The only choice left to make

Is for you to decide the speed

For the first time, in a long time, I don't feel like I might be crazy. See, I studied a lot of science when I was younger, and while I know there are many things science considers paranormal, I never considered that at one point I might become a part of it. I have been terrified that the events I told you happened to me damaged my mind in ways that are only now starting to be looked into. I have been terrified that I was, in fact, literally loosing my mind. And terrified that I was hurting someone who meant more to me than I could ever express or or put into words. And I still can't explain anything.

The difference is, the explanation, the why, it fades away.

Why does it fade away? Because it was always the path that lead to you. Mystical, Magical, preordained, a choice set out before birth. It doesn't matter. Only the now, and the future, and you matter. I could connect every dot that lead to our " meeting ", but long ago, I gave up on fate, on destiny, on hope. But it seems that fate or destiny had other ideas. That's why it has been so hard for me to wrap my head around. I have always thought too logically, to analytically. My mind always plays the paths out at any given moment, every foreseeable path I can surmise, so I can try to walk the one that causes the least harm. And I must have chosen right all my life, because they did lead me to you. Hard to believe huh.

But still, really, if I could go back in time and change anything, it would be those things that affected you. I would risk never meeting you if I could be guaranteed that you'd never suffer a moments despair, sadness, agony. I would sacrifice everything I am to see you spared any pain or suffering ever. I guess in a way, that is selfish of me, because I still haven't asked you if you would change anything if you could. I told you I want to see you smile for the rest of your days, and I meant it. A world without you happy and smiling is a world that shouldn't exist.

I know you might be waiting for me to really open up. If so, please, just ask. I really don't know where to start. I don't know what to start with. And for once, it doesn't matter. For some reason, nothing from my past actually seems to bother me anymore. Because it lead to you. There are many things we need to discuss, and somethings I feel are best spoken about when you are in my arms, or I in yours, when you know this is real, that I am really real. I am still kind of hoping for that hot tub on a river bank, no one around, just peace and quiet and freedom. Where you feel completely at ease, safe, loved, where you can fully open up and I can be there, physically, and hold you, ensuring you know in your heart and soul that you really aren't alone, that you can feel home and safe. I am aware you are still unsure if I am that which you have been waiting for. I can tell you that I am a thousand times, but it would hold no weight. I can't tell you what is in your heart, what is in your soul. I can't tell you not to doubt. I can only prove it. I told you once that when I gaze into your eyes, that my mind goes silent. I know why. When one is home, they no longer need to plot the path there. The old saying goes, all paths lead to home. I am not so sure that that is true. Maybe all my paths would have lead me to you. But not all paths would have made me the same person. I am 100% certain now that of all those paths I have chosen, and all those I had no choice but to walk, were the right paths all along. Fate is a fickle mistress, but now I am believing she works as best she can to put you on the right path. You just have to walk it.

The way home is calling

The paths are spread before me

With twists and turns aplenty

And several pitstops surely

But my feet are on the road

Many paths that I do see

The only choices left to make

Are not left soley to me

I can skip some stops here

And maybe there as well

I can take a few quick short cuts

And rush home to ease this quell

But rushing to fast might be in vain

And lead to woes of the future

Some wounds need that time to heal

Those of which there is no suture

But know, my Love, my heart and soul

Are on their way back home

The slower journey that seems best to take

Is a pain that is only on loan

For if too many corners are cut

Problems would arise

None we could not overcome

Together we can do naught but rise

But the path I see before me

The one I think is best

Would remove all chance of suffering

And lead you to no regrets

Before I make my final decision

Before it's set in stone

I need your input my love

On which path I should take home

The way home is calling

The paths are set before me

The only choice left to make

Is for you to decide the speed

I know you are doing well. I can feel it. You are feeling at peace and that inner turmoil you had is currently not bothering you. I sincerely hope it stays that way, and you find your peace and your happiness.

On the Friday my time that we last spoke, your Thursday, I didn't mention that the spasms / seizures had started again, but you probably already knew. Somehow, you always know. And yeah, I know when it happens my mind gets all addled and confused. Hard to think and brain gets fuzzy. They haven't really stopped yet, but they aren't that bad, compared to how they could be. Yes, my love, I know that they should ease up and stop once I am free, and away from my ex. Soon. Less than a week now. I can't help but think when my mind was addled I said something to you that hurt you. No. I know I did. Even though I didn't mean to hurt you in any way. I wish I could read your mind as well as you seem to be able to read mine. But you'd feel violated if I could. I know you don't like how I see past your mask and know all these things about you that you haven't told anyone before. Don't worry, I am putting a.... not a mental wall per say, more of a net, around what you left behind, so there is less chance of me accidentally intruding on something too personal that you aren't ready for me to " know " about. On my Sunday evening ( I think ), that bond.... It was severed several times, and when it came back, there was a feeling of guilt, shame, relief and anxiety. I almost wish I could ask you what was happening so I could make sure to never do that to spare you what it felt like. It's like you died and then came back to life at intervals.

Since I started dreaming of you, I have seen the numbers 69 everywhere. I wrote it off because of the obvious undertone and context. Apparently those numbers have meaning though. Always laughed it off because.... Well..... 69 😂 Figure that might make you laugh as well, knowing how your mind works 😉

You might never speak to me again, because of your fears that I wasn't genuine, or had somehow looked into your past. As long as you are happy, and healthy, and alive, I can live with that. I write here, so on your darker days, you might read these and remember that you aren't alone. I am always holding a light for you. Always supporting you. Always believing in you. Because, when it comes down to it, though I don't gamble anymore, I'll always go all in on you. You have no idea how proud I am of the woman you have become. You took so many negatives and used them to make yourself so strong and resilient, used them to become smarter and wiser.

My biggest hope for you now, is that you find someone you can let see past the mask voluntarily, see the real you, in all your blazing glory, in all your real beauty, that singular, amazing woman you hide away from everyone including those closest to you. Someone who realises how precious you are, and never makes you feel less or second guess yourself or them. Someone you finally feel safe with.

Yours always, until my last breath

Head Splits

Seizures twist

My body out of my control

I Swear

To all the Gods out there

That this is taking it's toll

Thought are dim

Mind on a Swim

That feels like it will drown

Movement slows

Aching Woes

Feeling like a Beat Down

My Dearest Anna

I know that you have been through a lot, suffered a lot, placed trust in the wrong people, opened yourself up time and time again only to be hurt and betrayed in the worst, most horrible ways So I truly can not blame you for anything. You are right to guard yourself, I guess I just hoped that with me, you'd see, really see the truth. Fear takes many forms, and fear of the unknown is the hardest to beat, because there are too many scenarios to account for, and then there are all those you can't imagine and account for.

All my life I have been forced to face the unknown, to rush in, to face it, to defeat it, because that's not only who I am, but I have always had to so others didn't. Hence why I have never really had any fear, of anything. I faced the unknown so many times, that the fear of it is gone.

When I first saw that you were real, though, there was fear. And there is still is. This.... connection between us, it is not something I ever accounted for, or faced, or ever saw coming. And I doubt you did either. And I know it scared you, because I feel that, and it's different from the terror I feel. This feeling that all that carefully controlled emotion, that carefully curated life, that burying of emotions, that bottling up of all of life's hardships, means we never really had control, of anything. It was many different paths, that a single step wrong would have changed things dramatically.

I find comfort in that. That all those hardships, pains, anguish, suffering, trauma, really, really was for a reason. To put me in the correct place, the right mind, and the right position for you. Every single little thing lead me to you. And yes, that is absolutely terrifying, and yet, amazing. If I did a single tiny thing differently, if I walked away from any single thing that could easily have changed my life dramatically, in ways I will never know, if I chose at any point to say enough, I don't doubt we would have met in the ether, but I believe with all my heart and soul, that you never would have found me in it later, and made me realise that there might have been something more to it than just dreams.

I know you are scared, Anna. And I have told you that I will wait, as long as it takes. And I mean that. Even if that waiting leads to nothing. There is always the next life, or future lives where we may meet again, so I yet have hope.

I am not going to push you to open up and talk to me honestly, without games or tests or beautiful coyness, nor try and convince you. It is a decision you have to make. Now might not be the right time for you, with everything you have going on. I know that. It might never be the right time. And I know that too. But I am still not going anywhere. I will wait. It is who I am. I don't back down when things get tough, I get tougher. I outlast, I push through, I make peace, I survive. That is what my entire life has been about. Until now. Now I know the reason. And the reason is you. I will wait until my last breath, and then wait until we meet again in another time, another way, another life. Only my patience exceeds my self control 😉😘 And you have tested my self control beautifully, brutally, teasingly, painfully. I am not going anywhere. I am yours for the claiming, when, and if you are ever ready ❤️‍🔥

I dreamt of you many times before we officially introduced ourselves in the place between time and space, where minds wander and seek for truths, work through fears, and let out imaginations run amok.

You were crying in front of what appeared to be a school. I cheered you up, and I fell for you the moment your striking grey eyes changed to deepest, clearest, brightest blue. The moment you smiled, you took my breath away, not figuratively. Literally. I woke up gasping, in despair because I woke up, when all I wanted was to stay in the nether with you.

That was the second last time I dreamt of you, and the last of your dreams I walked in on.

The last dream, was mine. I was in a despair so deep and dark that nothing could reach me. A senseless black void of every pain and anguish I have ever suffered through. And yet in you walked, softly glowing with a warmth that is indescribable. You told me words that I have repeated to myself time and time again, just to exist and survive.

Everything will be alright, all will be as it should be. Then you placed a hand on me. Our souls kissed. I felt everything in you in that moment, and some part of you is still with me, even now. And I am certain it worked both ways.

As the dream faded out with that touch, you called out two words to me

I am, and always will be, forever yours, and if in this life, you choose not to explore this, for what I feel is fear of the unknown, and fear that you will loose this connection, I will wait, a thousand lifetimes, suffer again, over and over, until we finally find each other, without the walls, without the barriers, and I can loose myself in your eyes, in your smile, and yes, in your touch. I will wait, and wait, and wait, as long as it takes.

Always, and forever yours, and only yours, until my last breath, and then in the next life

Tony

The devil whispered in my ear, ' I can break you beyond repair ', and for a moment, I felt it, I believed it. But there was an Angel waiting in the wings, who showed me that what I thought was broken, was barely even a scratch.

I look her in the eyes

I'll tell you what I see

A perfect paradise

Stretching endlessly

A place to loose myself

A place of peaceful bliss

A place of pure happiness

Where nothing else can exist

Endless pools draw me in

Ones I can't escape

Voluntarily drowning

In a blissful fate

In her fathomless eyes

I see a future path

Free from suffering

Just beyond my grasp

Hope that she well knows

Just what she means to me

I'd happily be waiting

For Eternity

For but the chance

To have her in my embrace

A thousand lives I'd wait

Just to caress her face

Those eyes that draw me in

I'll happily float away

Drifting happily

Until my final day

And then she smiles at me

Time begins to freeze

My heart beat seems to stop

Weakness in the knees

The world begins to still

My mind forgets to race

Blessed silence found

In her saving grace

Angels do exist

Sometimes but in dreams

Coming to your soul

When it truly screams

Then fate itself steps in

And reveals them in real life

Maybe just to tease

Maybe one day to wife

And if this is but a dream

I hope I never wake

For in her endless eyes

Is my destined fate

The devil whispered in my ear, ' I can break you beyond repair ', and for a moment, I felt it, I believed it. But there was an Angel waiting in the wings, who showed me that what I thought was broken, was barely even a scratch.

I look her in the eyes

I'll tell you what I see

A perfect paradise

Stretching endlessly

A place to loose myself

A place of peaceful bliss

A place of pure happiness

Where nothing else can exist

Endless pools draw me in

Ones I can't escape

Voluntarily drowning

In a blissful fate

In her fathomless eyes

I see a future path

Free from suffering

Just beyond my grasp

Hope that she well knows

Just what she means to me

I'd happily be waiting

For Eternity

For but the chance

To have her in my embrace

A thousand lives I'd wait

Just to caress her face

Those eyes that draw me in

I'll happily float away

Drifting happily

Until my final day

And then she smiles at me

Time begins to freeze

My heart beat seems to stop

Weakness in the knees

The world begins to still

My mind forgets to race

Blessed silence found

In her saving grace

Angels do exist

Sometimes but in dreams

Coming to your soul

When it truly screams

Then fate itself steps in

And reveals them in real life

Maybe just to tease

Maybe one day to wife

And if this is but a dream

I hope I never wake

For in her endless eyes

Is my destined fate