u/JustAnotherTeenLJL

I’m 16F. I have two sisters: a younger one (12F) who I’m super close with — only 4 years between us, grew up together, tell each other everything, basically best friends. Then there’s my older sister, 35F. There is a 19-year age gap between us. That’s basically a whole generation apart, and it shows.

We barely speak or see each other. She lives in South London with her boyfriend (who’s actually nice enough), while we live all the way in East London — opposite sides of the city, and it feels like worlds apart. The only time I ever see her is when my parents arrange a visit to her place or drag her and her boyfriend over here. We never meet up just the two of us, never hang out, never chat.

Honestly? I don’t even have her phone number saved on my new iPhone. The only contact we have is Snapchat, and I only message her when my mum explicitly tells me to. I never reach out first, never think to text her, never have anything to say.

For years, I straight-up disliked her. I’d pretend she wasn’t really my sister, told people she was just some distant relative, and acted like she didn’t exist. I’ve calmed down a bit now and I don’t hate her anymore, but… I still don’t want a relationship with her.

Everyone around me — my parents, my aunties, even my friends — keeps saying I should want to be close to her. They say she’s my big sister, family is everything, and I’m missing out. They act like it’s this amazing thing I’m throwing away, and they keep pushing me to message her more, visit more, try to bond like I do with my little sister.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want that. With my younger sister, it’s natural — we grew up together, same life stage, same interests. With my older sister? We’re basically strangers who happen to share parents. We have nothing in common, our lives are totally different, and I feel nothing towards her. I’m fine with her being family I see occasionally at events, but I don’t want the close bond everyone expects.

Now I feel like the jerk. Everyone makes me feel like I’m being cold, ungrateful, or rude for not caring. Like I’m the problem for not trying harder.

So AITA for not wanting a relationship with her? Am I wrong for being happy with how things are and not wanting to force a connection just because we’re related? Or is it actually reasonable that I don’t care when we’ve never really been part of each other’s lives?

I’m 16F. I have two sisters: a younger one (12F) who I’m super close with — only 4 years between us, grew up together, tell each other everything, basically best friends. Then there’s my older sister, 35F. There is a 19-year age gap between us. That’s basically a whole generation apart, and it shows.

We barely speak or see each other. She lives in South London with her boyfriend (who’s actually nice enough), while we live all the way in East London — opposite sides of the city, and it feels like worlds apart. The only time I ever see her is when my parents arrange a visit to her place or drag her and her boyfriend over here. We never meet up just the two of us, never hang out, never chat.

Honestly? I don’t even have her phone number saved on my new iPhone. The only contact we have is Snapchat, and I only message her when my mum explicitly tells me to. I never reach out first, never think to text her, never have anything to say.

For years, I straight-up disliked her. I’d pretend she wasn’t really my sister, told people she was just some distant relative, and acted like she didn’t exist. I’ve calmed down a bit now and I don’t hate her anymore, but… I still don’t want a relationship with her.

Everyone around me — my parents, my aunties, even my friends — keeps saying I should want to be close to her. They say she’s my big sister, family is everything, and I’m missing out. They act like it’s this amazing thing I’m throwing away, and they keep pushing me to message her more, visit more, try to bond like I do with my little sister.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want that. With my younger sister, it’s natural — we grew up together, same life stage, same interests. With my older sister? We’re basically strangers who happen to share parents. We have nothing in common, our lives are totally different, and I feel nothing towards her. I’m fine with her being family I see occasionally at events, but I don’t want the close bond everyone expects.

Now I feel like the jerk. Everyone makes me feel like I’m being cold, ungrateful, or rude for not caring. Like I’m the problem for not trying harder.

So AITA for not wanting a relationship with her? Am I wrong for being happy with how things are and not wanting to force a connection just because we’re related? Or is it actually reasonable that I don’t care when we’ve never really been part of each other’s lives?