u/JustComedian7793

#61

No one talks about the hardest part of healing is doing it alone. Because no one can heal you….. but you….. When all that you want is that warm body to come home to at the end of a hard ass fucking day. When all that you want is a hug…. And a kiss…… and nothing more than to lay in someone’s arms and to drift away in to peace…… and there’s no one there? That’s….. one of the most devastating feelings that a person can experience. Then…. Simply multiple it. Cause it’s not just one day. It’s… all of the days…… Think before you hurt someone. You may not realize the actual damage you’re doing.

Do you remember me?

What you became to me?

Or how much you meant to me?

Or how much you made me bleed?

Or the damage that you caused to me?

Draining the life and soul right out of me?

Turning me in to a shell of what I used to be?

Remember when you completed me?

Happier than I ever thought I could be.

You and the girls were everything to me.

My life finally felt complete.

There was no end in sight to see.

Then that night you murdered me.

Ripped those keys right off my ring.

That night my soul left me.

Drowning in tears as it bleeds.

Mind deprived from lack of sleep.

Mental chains and locks that confined me.

Months of anguish and despair almost killed me.

5 different times from trains to trees.

I almost lost that battle fought inside me.

Then one day I felt it start to release.

The grip you had around my peace.

It’s slowly losing its power inside me.

I can feel my heart start to beat.

And my soul finally starting to return to me.

And I think most importantly.

I’m finally starting to again feel….. like me.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Cages and block walls, Handcuffs and chain, Bars made of steel, Alone with the thoughts and pain.

There is no escape, No way to tunnel through, When the cell is your head, There is nothing you can do.

Like a steel box, Nothing can escape, So the thoughts and the feelings, Keep piling on to my plate.

Walls made of stone, Doors and windows of bar, Bullet proof glass, Freedom feels so far.

This isn’t Shawshank, No plan works to escape, When the prison is your mind, You’re stuck every minute you’re awake.

Like a dark dungeon, Cold and filled with pain, Pitch black with no light, Floor flooded from tears like rain.

It’s a peculiar place to be, Stuck in your head,
Fighting with the thoughts and feelings, Even when you go to bed.

Dreams are haunted, Sleep brings no peace,
Escape doesn’t exist, Happiness is deceased.

You can fight like hell, Try with all your might,
You still end up losing, Soul consumed by the night.

Thrown away back in, Your head that is your cell, Waiting for the executioner, I can hear the church bell.

It’s ringing away, Peace has paid the toll, As I sit here and rot, Away in my own death row.

Thoughts are the guards, Feelings are the bars and doors, Emotions are the death sentence, Slit my wrists so the blood pours.

It’s the only escape, Away from this place I hate , Cause death can take me away, From my head and this fate.

Every day is the same, Thoughts grow so loud, My head stays stuck, No reason to be proud.

I just want to get away, Break free from this hell, Away from my mind, Out of this prison cell.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I think I finally figured out what I feel is the worst pain one can deal with in the world next to the death of a loved one. And it’s simple. Loving and wanting someone who couldn’t care less whether you exist or not. Especially when that person loved you at one point. Hindsight is 20/20. Education and growth is 100/100. Learn and grow. No matter how fucking bad it hurts. Try to keep that head up and push forward. It’s all you can do. You were a hard lesson. But an unfortunate necessity to make sure it’ll never happen again.

It’s amazing…… how the actions and unhealed trauma of one person…… can be the building blocks of a seemingly steady foundation, built strong and sturdy…… and those same blocks can be the exact fail point that causes the entire building to collapse in to a heap of rubble. Building materials are important. Choose wisely and carefully. And check before you dig. You never know what you might find. Late night thoughts that fill the void when thinking about you. I hope your well. Goodbye.

Lessons learned,
Lessons tried,
Lessons speak,
Lessons die,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons thrive,
Lessons lie,
Lessons survive,
Lessons strive,
Lessons work,
Lessons learn,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons earn,
Lesson give,
Lessons take,
Lessons live,
Lessons done,
So am I,
And with that,
I say goodbye

Lessons learned,
Lessons tried,
Lessons speak,
Lessons die,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons thrive,
Lessons lie,
Lessons survive,
Lessons strive,
Lessons work,
Lessons learn,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons earn,
Lesson give,
Lessons take,
Lessons live,
Lessons done,
So am I,
And with that,
I say goodbye

Lessons learned,
Lessons tried,
Lessons speak,
Lessons die,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons thrive,
Lessons lie,
Lessons survive,
Lessons strive,
Lessons work,
Lessons learn,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons earn,
Lesson give,
Lessons take,
Lessons live,
Lessons done,
So am I,
And with that,
I say goodbye

Lessons learned,
Lessons tried,
Lessons speak,
Lessons die,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons thrive,
Lessons lie,
Lessons survive,
Lessons strive,
Lessons work,
Lessons learn,
Lessons hurt,
Lessons earn,
Lesson give,
Lessons take,
Lessons live,
Lessons done,
So am I,
And with that,
I say goodbye