u/JustGeeseMemes

Am 4 weeks post partum (forceps delivery, episiotomy) and not feeling up to sex yet but am at least starting to feel a bit less like an exhausted blob and inclined to be a bit more physically affectionate with my partner.

Bit nervous about how everything was doing down there so had a couple of “alone time” practice sessions to check it all worked and nothing weird was going on.

I pee when I orgasm.

Some would dress it up as something more sexy I’m sure but ultimately… that’s what’s going on really. Doesn’t matter if I pee beforehand. Can’t stop it happening.

Is this a general common thing? Does it go away?

I’ll try and keep it brief but there’s some necessary background here, sorry folks.

My bf doesn’t drive. We live in a small town with hardly any buses and no train station so the fact that so many people living here didnt desperately want to learn as soon as they could is bizarre to me but whatever.

3 years ago I asked him to please learn. My logic was that we were planning future stuff and if only I could drive we would be limited in every decision to walking distance from his work, if we had kids it would be really difficult if only I drove given my job is more time consuming etc etc.

A year later - no progress

A year after that - still not had a lesson

This year though… I now can’t drive. Was diagnosed with epilepsy at the end of last year so not allowed to drive. We also just had a baby. He started having lessons and his theory is booked for August. So still not exactly speedy.

I have so far managed to hold back the “told you so”s because I didn’t really - I’m not psychic, no way either of us would have predicted quite *how* essential it would suddenly be. But I’m (I think reasonably) a bit irritated by the situation.

Anyway the actual thing I want judgement on is actually not that, just context.

He came back from his last lesson the other day and was saying that the driving made him quite anxious but he hoped it would get better as he went and I suspect I was probably supposed to have some sympathy for the fact he was finding it a bit hard. I did not. I basically just said if he’d started 3 years ago he might be over the anxiety already.

It wasn’t at all empathetic of me obviously, but I’m not remotely sorry. To be honest it probably was an AH thing to say but even if it was… I stick by it. Given I have been reasonably good about not being pissy about the situation in general I sort of feel like i should get the one snarky comment.

Anyway, he was mildly upset that I wasn’t being more sympathetic to him telling me this so I thought I’d ask. AITAH?

Edit for a few questions that keep coming up:

Anxious here is more the nervous sweaty palms kind, not the panic attack kind (we obviously have since had an actual conversation like adults - this hasn’t become some kind of larger issue)

Baby is 2 weeks and was an accident - so for the crowd saying choosing to have her was irresponsible, you get a win. Accidental pregnancy at 34 is even more irresponsible. But also the driving thing is annoying but definitely not the main criteria I look for in a partner… he’s a much better and more natural parent than me in every other regard, he just can’t drive.

We’re about half half sharing care of her at the moment but long term he will be the main carer, not me.

No one lives life without some set backs or bad times, no one gets through school without someone saying something mean or has never felt like their parents were being unfair, no one has never been embarrassed or rejected, and everyone has at some point had to work a shitty job or had a manager or coworker they didn’t like

And for the most part they got over it

Real trauma exists, for sure, and I’m not here to debate whether yours personally is especially bad, but some things you just need to suck it up and get over it. Not everything needs to be unpacked in therapy or seen as a pivotal moment in life.

I know we’re all supposed to be on the “all trauma is valid” train now but honestly… sometimes it’s just not 🤷‍♀️