u/JustJamming1

I’ve read how a lot of us tend to empathize with people by relating our experience to theirs; however, this oftentimes only upsets them more.

Recently, I’ve come to the conclusion as to why that is myself:

See, my relative had told me that in order to stop being depressed, I just have to put in the effort. However, they failed to realized that the only reason they COULD ”put in the effort” was because they had mental support from friends. (And probably a lack of AuDHD)

So, when I told them that I’ve had no friends (0 point 0 to infinity) to support me, and that I can’t just “put in the effort“ like them, they had the GALL to tell me they‘ve had it the same—that they had no friends—, when I vividly remember all the times they’ve hung out with friends outside of school and had sleepovers—albeit might have been outside the timeframe of their depression. Meanwhile, I had NEVER visited a friend’s house outside of birthdays till 2 years prior. I had never even been in a hang-out outside of school before then. (Never dated before either)

So, hearing them say they experienced the same struggles got me so frustrated because that’s complete NONSENSE. Especially since they were trying to use their “similar experience” to argue that I don’t need anyone else’s help, I just gotta push on.

Overall, it was like comparing their injured fish to my dead dog. Nothing got me more frustrated and upset than that 😭.

Honestly, I’ve long since deeply disliked when I talk about my ADHD struggles and people are like “I’ve experienced that too!” Yes they might have, but not on the same scale as me. If they had, they‘d be diagnosed with AuDHD right now and be struggling just as much as me, but clearly, that was never the case.

All in all, comparing our experiences to others, whether it’s the same or not, is just terrible. Especially since everyone‘s minds process experiences differently.

I understand that we, as NDs, struggle to relate to people so we, ourselves, find comfort in doing so. However, perhaps it’s best not to do so, especially if it is between a ND—yourself—and a NT—them.