will i ever move on?
its going to be 4 years now... I was the one who broke up when every atom of my existence did not want to, he was my first boyfriend the shy and introverted kind the one who i taught how to love and be loved. every year i make up excuses to break no contact and somehow just have a conversation with him because we were eachothers everything. we lived in the same city yet he used to travel 50kms just to see me for 30 mins. I broke up with him because his parents found out and his mother is the kind who wont talk to her own husband for six months and im sure she wouldn't have spared her son either...
i still remember how sweaty his palms were on our first date out of pure nervousness, we might have barely met 7-8 times in our relationship of 4.5 months (talking stage/ friendship was for almost a full year) i miss him i yearn for him everytime someone mentions his name, the city that i live in, a few songs come to haunt me.
every year i miss him on a few days and yearn for him, the way he used to for me when we were together or WORSE I FEAR.
my friends are speculating he's dating somebody and that's why he blocked me when i reached out the last time... he has called us strangers, told me that he moved on in 4 days and doesn't even remember my cats names when i remember the steps we walked together.
is this karma? am i being punished for letting go of my love? is my heart tearing itself apart because i went against it back then?
does he ever feel this way? does the thought of us ever consume him alive?
i hope this feeling does not return again this year or the next, maybe its time i forget him.
it's time i need to stop begging for him to return in temples and birthday wishes, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something?
or will my love return on a rainy afternoon?