u/Just_Me_1124

​A ghost reappeared over the weekend.

​I wasn’t ready for you to come back. I left you for a reason.

You didn’t return in your original shape; you came back as an answer to the question that has haunted me for twenty years.

​I don't feel relieved.

Deep down, I always knew you felt the "frequency" too. But instead of honoring it, you used it. You used my kindness because you knew it was unconditional. You treated my devotion like a resource rather than a choice. You kept me in a "frequency" that served your ego while you stayed frozen in place.

​I left you for a reason: You never truly saw me as a person. I am done with the codependency. I don’t want to be your anchor or your secret anymore.

​I just want to be me.

The map says we are 2,000 kilometres and countries apart, but the longest distance isn't measured in kilometres.

It is measured in the silence that sits between us.

Time flies, but it only carries us further into the silence.

I’d rather lock the door and know I’m alone, than keep it open and realize you aren't coming.

But, I'm not locking just yet.

God knows why I’m still holding out hope.

Connections appear out of the blue when you least expect them. Like a whirlwind, you get swept off your feet and suddenly you're on cloud nine. Everything feels up in the air—because, literally, you are.

​But circumstances are a heavy weight. You think you’re flying, but the reality is you’re just hanging upside down. You’re suspended, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the inevitable crash.

​And then, it happened.

​The shock is a fog you can't seem to shake. You keep asking why, but you’re ignoring the what. You can’t see them for who they really are because you’ve been suspended for so long that your senses have gone numb.

You find yourself rereading every message. Reinterpreting every memory. ​Searching for the traces of doubt that didn't fit the narrative you built in your head. You start to doubt everything. Was any of it ever real?

​I’m here to tell you: Your feelings are valid. Your heart was in the right place. But whether you weren't chosen or you were simply abandoned, this is the reality now.

Appreciate the many, many messages from you curious souls. ​I’ve been asked why I tolerate the silence. Why I don't seek answers. Why I gave up so easily. These assumptions couldn't be further from the truth.

​I sought answers from within during that silence. ​I accepted that I cannot change another person.

​You cannot wake someone who is pretending to sleep.

​To those reading this and wondering if I am your person—I’m not. And I know you aren't mine, either.

​I’m finally learning how to be my own person.

Edit: If you think you see yourself in these lines, you are def projecting and seeing a reflection of your own story, not mine. These comments will go unanswered.

In hindsight, there were always these...moments.

The first time you made me laugh. The first time I got angry and realized exactly how much you triggered me. That one night you compared me to [ ] and we both felt the shift—the realization that there was a connection we couldn't ignore. ​The moment I knew I had feelings for you. The moment I knew I was in way too deep. And the moment I lied to you for the first and last time.

​Yeah, I lied.

But why did you even tell me about it? I put on a brave face and told you I was happy for you.

I wasn't.

There's a difference between being happy for you and wishing you happiness in life.

Your pain still feels like my own, and that’s the problem. Let me be clear, though: if you finally found peace, I’d want you to keep it, but I’m done pretending it doesn't hurt to watch you find it without me.

​To the "you" who came back into my life:

​I knew there was something unspoken between us from the very first time we spoke. We were just two people fixing a problem, but even then, the gears clicked. It was easy.

​It wasn't until we were properly partnered up that I realized we don’t just work well together. We got on like a house on fire.

I identify the gaps; you propose the solutions. We negotiate, we compromise, and we build. We’re a team in the purest sense.

There’s a certain irony in our roles: by design, neither of us can achieve success without the other.

​You are so effortlessly smart, and yet so flexible for me. You make me better at what I do.

​You read. You cook. You build. You care, massively. You crack quality jokes that linger in my mind long after I’ve logged off, leaving me with a smile on my face at 2am. Top notch dark humour gets me every time...... ​And...you’re kinda cute, you nerd.

​You don’t know this, but I kept a screenshot of us together. I know, I’m silly like that. Just a piece of you to take with me before I walked away.

​Sometimes, I do wonder. Do you ever wonder, too?

​I once wrote that grieving is easier than forgetting.

Grieving is holding onto the broken pieces—the remains.

Forgetting is necessary self-preservation, a way of salvaging what little dignity I have left.

​And so, the healing begins.

​I will forget how you seemed to recall every single detail I shared about myself.

I will forget the lines of your face.

I will forget your harsh teasing—the kind you said was born of love.

I will forget the names of the people in your life.

I will forget your vulnerability.

I will forget, eventually, how you made me feel.

​At the very end, I will find myself asking:

Were you ever lost? Was she ever found?

Were you ever real?

Hey. I think we should talk.

​We both knew from the start that this was never going to happen, but we dove in head-first anyway. I guess we can’t really choose who we fall for, despite our own guardrails. I loved how we threw caution to the wind and just embraced it.

​I have never met anyone quite like you. You are so smart, sarcastic, honest, raw—a sea of emotion wrapped in a shiny layer of intelligent logic. And oh my god you're so hot.You’re magnetic. People like you have always been my kryptonite.

​I loved how you were completely disarmed in my presence (yes I noticed), but please know it was never about power or ego for me. I just wanted to help you, even when your stubborn heart insisted on being self-sufficient forever.

You actually let me in. For the first time, someone that guarded let me see them. I felt useful. I felt appreciated.

​Unknowingly, you healed a part of me that has been broken for a very long time. For that, I am forever grateful.

​I don’t know if it’s truly possible to fall in love in just a few weeks. Honestly, I don’t care if people call it love, or limerence, or something else entirely. What we had was pure—that "we've got each other's backs" energy that can’t be forced. We saw each other’s souls naked before we ever had the chance to see each other's bodies.

It’s okay if this can’t last. You’ve had a lasting effect on me, and I’m a better person for having experienced you.

​I hope you’re doing well.

...you know all my secrets and the significant parts of my past?

Are you a stranger if you’ve told me everything you were hiding from others and carrying on your own?

​Are you a stranger if we’ve been through your darkest hour together—because you decided to lean on me, even when your instincts told you to run?

Am I a stranger to you?

Will you just send me a sign to tell me it’s over?

Anything is better than this limbo—this static, high-voltage anxiety of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m paralyzed because......what if? What if you’re sitting there thinking of me too, and I’m the one who lets go first?

​I’m suspended in mid-air. I have no clue how close I am to the ground. I have no clue how far the sky is. Can't breathe. Can't move. This unsettling stillness......is madness.

​If I seal the door right now, what if you had a change of mind? What if you accuse me of being the one who stopped fighting?

​Maybe it’s delusional to leave the door cracked. Maybe it’s tragic to be hanging on by a single, tiny thread of hope. But is it really so wrong to grieve a little longer, when letting go completely feels like it’ll hurt a hundred times worse?

​I need a sign. One way or the other.