u/Justine2891

My name is Justine, but you can call me J. I’m 34 and live in upstate/western New York - to clarify, nowhere near NYC, as much as I wish I was.

Dating apps suck, and while I'm not sure my person is on Reddit, I'm hopeful the odds are far greater here because profile prompts like "I know the greatest spot in town for _________" don't exactly excite me. I’m hoping to find someone who is intentional and dating with purpose. If you’re not dating with the hope of building a life together - through the highs, lows, and even the boring days, then you can stop reading my novel below.

I have a lot to offer in terms of emotional stability, loyalty, love, and safety. I’m looking for someone who values those things too. At the end of the day, I want to feel safe and content, whether that’s in your arms or just hearing your voice on a call. Life isn’t perfect or always easy, but who you share it with matters. You can have fun with anyone - but you can't get through the hard moments with anyone.

I lean towards being more introverted and quiet so talking about myself is a tad difficult but I find writing about myself or my thoughts a bit easier if I take the time to do it.

I’m looking for a serious relationship. Not hookups, not casual dating, nothing that leaves me feeling uncertain, empty, or used. I’ve spent a lot of time learning how to feel safe and "ok" about opening up and expressing how I feel, and I appreciate someone who is willing to do the same, even if it doesn’t always come easily. If you ever feel frozen when trying to talk about certain things/deep conversation, trust me, I will understand, it’s just important that eventually you’re able to work your thoughts into words.

Ideally, I want a slow burn - it's not realistic to hop into romance and starting off as friends would be the best foundation for more to develop.

I have a stable career that I’ve been in for the past five years and work remotely, I love the people I work with and don’t see myself changing careers or work style.

I love animals, probably more than I enjoy interacting with people. I have a senior dog who has been with me through everything. He struggles with anxiety but he’s been by my side his entire life & I don’t know where I’d be without him. He gives me a sense of purpose and there's nothing I would not do for him. He's my 'reason for getting out of bed' most days.

I’ve never been married. If you have been, that’s not a dealbreaker - just something I believe should be discussed early on. I value openness / dislike feeling like I have to pry information out of someone.

I drink socially, maybe every few months or if I go out to eat, but even then, it’s kind of hard to justify a sangria costing the same as an appetizer. I don’t smoke (cigarettes/vape/pot) or do any form of recreational drugs and do not wish to be with someone who does.

I’m very much a romantic at heart. I’m not sure how I feel about “love languages” as a concept, but if I had to choose, I’d say words of affirmation and acts of care mean the most to me. Words without actions to back them up don’t hold a whole lot of meaning to me. I want someone who can make me feel protected, both heart & mind. I promise to do the same. If my partner is feeling sad or anxious, I will do my best to put those feelings to rest because I know how it can be to struggle with those on your own.  In my past relationships, I have unfortunately felt that I cared more than my partners did. A good friend once told me that a good relationship is 60/40, with both partners trying to be the “60” and I couldn’t agree more.

Those closest to me might describe me as a bit of a sarcastic hard-ass but there is nothing I want more than to be the opposite of that with my partner. At heart I'm pretty much a sap and want to be able to show that side of me to whomever I allow to see it. I'm very tough and resilient, but pray for the day where I don't have to be.

I’m not in touch with my exes and prefer to keep the past where it belongs. Emotional security is more important to me. I’ve closed those chapters of my life out of respect for whoever I share my future with. While I also have male friends, I do not hangout with them 1x1 while in a relationship and prioritize my partner’s feeling of security with me.

I’m not extremely political, though I lean left. I was raised Catholic, but I’d describe myself as more spiritual than religious. These aspects are not a large part of my life and I see too many consumed by them/anger involving them.

Some things I enjoy:

• Anime (looking to start Witch Hat Atelier & Made in Abyss - also looking forward to the release of Fool Night)
• Traveling (Went to California and Japan this year : ) planning on going to Toronto next month and Florida & NYC in the Fall)
• Coffee shops (I make myself a plain latte every morning though to try and save costs)
• Sushi / omakase
• Thrifting / DIY/ home projects (Finished my workout room and potentially re-doing my basement soon and installing a sauna)
• Cozy games (Stardew Valley set the bar too high but I also like a few others and love trying new ones - Raft, Roots of Pacha, Dinkum - sometimes I'll kill time with Temtem Swarm, Spell Brigade - I feel like these are fun to play with someone on voice and just talk about life/ day to day) - if you were ever a FF fan - let me know your favorite if so, FFX still holds a place in my heart
• I also dabble in some mobile games (I'm a Love & Deepspace girly – please don’t judge me)
• Hiking Trails / Walks
• Beaches and warm weather (I envy those who can drive to a beach and often wonder if I'll be so lucky one day)
• Music tastes vary but one day in middle school I listened to My Chemical Romance and here I am still fan girling over them. My recent listens on spotify include a lot of them, Florence and the Machine, Chappell Roan and various Kpop & Jpop (Ayumi Hamasaki was my favorite as a child)

Winters here can be pretty damn rough, and while I own a house in New York, I’m not necessarily set on staying here forever – if I found my person, I’d be willing to relocate in time – but I’m also hoping you’re open to doing the same, if your life allows it. I'm open to LDR if the mood is right and both of us can commit to travel.

I like a clean, organized environment, and while I know my standards are definitely higher than most, I know when I have to tone it down. I do vacuum nearly every other day to keep the dog fur at bay though lol.

I’m mostly a secure attachment style, but I do have anxious tendencies. At times, I have an incessant worry I am a burden to my partner or others. Due to past relationships (unfortunately multiple) I am not sure I will ever be 100% secure and may always struggle to open up about certain things because I am still learning that it is ok to and be able to without repercussions.

Physically, I’m 5’3”, about 130 lbs, and currently working on continuing to improve my health. I’ve lost 25 pounds since last year with a goal to lose 10 more.

HWP is important and I do have a height preference and tend to be most attracted to men closer to 6'. I know this will land downvotes, but we like what we like and I’m sure there are men out there who would say I don’t have assets they’re attracted to.

Age wise, I would prefer my partner to be somewhere between 30 - 45 or around that.

Intimacy is important & something I don’t take lightly. I value it as something you do with someone you’re emotionally connected with. I’ve never had a hookup/one night stand and could never bring myself to do that if I wanted.

I’m a bit traditional and old school when it comes to romance and relationships and prioritizing your partner.  While I’m not opposed to distance, it requires much more work and consistency. Without consistency there is only room for doubt and worry and I am very much over being with people who did not consider my feelings when taking/failing to take actions. I prefer men who can take initiative and lead / are more dominant. I have a strong personality, and I respect someone who can match that. I will forever be that girl who says "I've got this/that" and you'll just have to step in and help because if there's one thing I definitely suck at it's letting someone help me. But if you can break down that wall, you can pretty much do anything.

I'm not opposed to someone who is not sterile, but would strongly prefer it or hope that you have plans for it in the future.

Financially, I’m responsible and lean toward a minimalist lifestyle. I'd say 80% of my belongings are thrifted, which includes clothing. I seldom buy anything new and prefer experiences over ‘things’.

In the end, I’m looking for someone who’s willing to work through the hard times with me and not give up when/if things look difficult. I want to be a part of a team that can survive and not crumble. I will be your strength if you can be mine. I once wrote a speech for my sister’s wedding a few years back about love being a choice and firmly believe that while it is definitely a feeling, it’s conscious and unconditional.

I have a good life, family & friends and just looking for someone who can add to it. I hope my last missing piece is out there somewhere.

If any of this resonates with you, feel free to send me a message with a bit about yourself & a link to a photo. Please comment on one of the things I listed above (hopefully there is at least one in common) so I know you've read my post - maybe an anime you're watching/looking forward to or a trip you took/have planned.

Please do not send a message without a photo/imgur link. I get that Reddit might not allow photo attachments but I don't think it's asking much to share your appearance as I've posted mine : )

Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings and hope you have a good night ♡.

**For any women who may have made it this far, I am always open to making new friends here as well : )

-J