u/KOOT_THE_RAPPER

For context, I recently almost got sexually assaulted by someone who used their depression and sui-bating as a manipulation tactic. We used to be friends, until they forcefully revealed myself to her. I don’t want to get into anymore details cause I’m not comfortable putting that on the internet yet but onto the main thing.

My partner is on vacation with family, and every night before bed, we like to call for 30 minutes to an hour. This one night we were talking, (their cousins were also there, talking more than me) and while I was distracted playing a video game (middle earth shadow of Mordor for anyone curious 🤑) they mentioned to their cousins “speaking of hugs, he got coerced into giving hugs to someone he knew” (for more context, this is what we would do cause they told me they were going through a rough time) and they laughed. The only people who knew about this, was my partner and my best friend who moved away from anyone else we know. I didn’t enjoy them talking about me in that light, at my expense especially.

A little after that they texted “are you mad at me” and I was mad and sad sure, but I didn’t want to add that onto my partners plate since they have a lot already, so I said “I’m already over it” (I was not)

We talked back and forth and I kept getting madder and sadder cause I broke down in their arms when it first happened, and they helped me through it, so having a joke ripped so soon (and even then not even a joke) made me irrationally emotional.

Eventually after that, I broke down over text and on call, cause I’d convinced myself it wasn’t even that bad, and that my love for them was more, and were okay after that.

But the more I keep thinking about it, the more I think they don’t actually realize it, cause they keep making these “jokes” occasionally (granted with people who know about it, but still)

And after another recent situation involving them wanting to redownload wattpad which we both considered cheating in a previous conversation, I’m thinking that maybe this isn’t as good as I thought it was. (update on that, they were trying to read a specific stranger things smut ff that involved Henry Creel, who is another person they are obsessed with)

So should I break up with them? I really don’t want to but the fact that this is a reoccurring issue involving my boundaries only, and the fact that even after PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS THAT DIDNT INVOLVE SCREAMING OR YELLING OR ACCUSATIONS, (delete your paragraph) they still won’t follow them. They say they’re trying but it’s been months and almost nothing has changed. What should I do?

For context, I (19-NB) and “Tulip” (18-NB) got together a little over a year ago. When we got together we kept watching porn and keeping our options open for the beginning, (just in case something bad happened). After almost a year, we decided that watching porn and keeping our options open, was cheating (as well as specifically for them, reading fan fiction on wattpad, and talking to AI chatbots for sexual gratification), so we quit everything sexual not involving us (I.e. deleting apps and cutting people off) and things were going great for about 3 months. When today, tulip asked if they could redownload wattpad again “to read fanfictions” (they had only ever used it for sexual gratification) and because I’m a self esteem issue having pushover, I said yes. But now I’m scared that whenever we have intimate relations, they aren’t thinking of me while it’s happening. My biggest self esteem issue for a long time was having the feeling that no one could love me for my body, personality, overall face, and the fact I’m not that sexually appealing, (only thing that would be sexually appealing to some people is that I have a way above average johnson because of a genetic disorder on my fathers side, which no one is going to see unless we date for a long time). And for more context, whenever we have sexually relations they quietly say things, main ones I’ve heard being my name, and overall pleasure. But this past time, I heard them say the beginning of another name before stopping, and while I’m just assuming right now, there is a high chance it’s Joe Keery (I know it’s stupid to be jealous of that but idk)
They were obsessed with Joe Keery when we first got together, so much so they talked with multiple AI chatbots with some very sexual things. So now I’m scared that they’re not thinking of me when having sexual relations, which reinforces my self esteem issues (which before you ask, they know about already) and then asking to redownload wattpad again makes me almost certain. But AIO? What if they really just want to read fan fiction and that’s it? TL;DR, girlfriend asks to redownload app they used for only sexual gratification, and whispered the name Joe Keery last time we had relations.