u/Kai-Da-Lorax

I have come to the point where I feel a fair amount of my distress is from social treatment and the unbalanced power structures of society.

When did it stop being a fair trade of power-over and power-to and became just assumed?

Why is meritocracy subordinate to social perception?

Assigned male at birth. Tried 3 months estradiol and my ongoing SSRIs for two years have been acting like a lite SERM.

From a 4 masculinities standpoint I was always deviant, preferring book reading and finding competition pointless compared to cooperation. I dont find any entertainment in sports. I dont want to compete with you.

I feel that has defined my entire life and social treatment.

Just tired. I feel extremely anxious in both male and female spaces. like I'm just waiting to be abused, assaulted or accused

Did any other veterans find the military to be highly abusive and BDSM oriented in a non-consensual way?

I have diagnosed PTSD but I feel like I get a stone wall response from the VA when I point out that torture, abuse, assault, and gaslighting may be part of the damage

I have symptoms from Iraq, but that isn't the whole story and I am getting tired of feeling insane for bringing it up.

Majorly assaulted X 3 (once sexually), gaslighting, assaulted commonly by NCOs more times than I can count. Psychological torture including hotboxing, stress positions, constant verbal abuse. Yes, I realize you could argue that's stressful training. Yes, it went way too fucking far.

No one signed up for or volunteered for that. Thank you for your service makes me sick.

I seem to have something wrong with my identity and my reaction to power structures. I fold and fold and fold until I am so exploited and abused by authority that I literally snap in a full blown panic.