It’s been two weeks
It was two years I put everything I had in it. It was my first relationship at 32. We went couples therapy.
I put her on a pedestal. I tried to use the relationship as a proxy for validation, identity and self love and I realised I shouldn’t have but. I tried to use it to distract my myself from a job I don’t like. I tried to use it to give me meaning
So much familial trauma and neglect from my parents came up in the couples therapy I think I was trying to use the relationship to fix that
But I miss her she wasn’t just a tool to fix myself . We had issues but we also had so much affinity and good times. We had hiccups but real progress too
I’m still masturbating to her, dreaming about her.
I wouldn’t wish a break up on my worst enemy. This is too hard. When does it get better