I don’t know if I’m being selfish or not. I work full-time and my husband, too. I have a home baking business on the side and I do get very busy. Whenever I get home from work I cook dinner and start prepping or baking. If I don’t have time to cook, I order (using my money or business money). Whenever I’m busy with my business, I don’t ask help from my husband UNLESS I badly need it. I think it’s unfair for him because I know he’s tired from work. He does help me in washing the dishes and throwing out the trash sometimes. But sometimes, I just want him to be there, even not doing anything, just keep me company, talk to me, so I can feel his support, but whenever I ask him for it, it feels like a “timer” to him even a 10-minute company then he gets bored. He wants to play his computer games which I totally support, but I dislike it when he rants to me because his teammates are stupid and I ask him to please don’t do that because I’m already tired and everytime he does that, it feels heavy to pour all that to me. He would call me and ask if I’m ok just to tell me he’s not :) And when I’m almost done with my work I will tell him “last game please” and he asks “why? Are you done?” Do I need to be done here so he stops playing? I asked him one time if he can please stop doing that -shouting and ranting, because it drains me everytime, but he would still keep doing it. And I stopped asking. My husband has bad anxiety and I don’t want to trigger him.
We had a fight before because he told me that this is my business and nobody asked me to do it anyway and he doesn’t want me to bug him with it. He doesn’t wanna come with me to the store because he wants to play and just relax at home because it is his day off. Which I understand, but even when I tell him that I am not doing this for myself, I’m doing this for us, for our future, it still feels like he’s not supportive. I don’t touch the money unless I buy food for us, groceries sometimes, and business expenses. We are 50/50 by the way but yes, I pay more, and do more. I understand that he needs help with paying bills I do not complain and I’m happy that we are doing this. But I don’t feel like he’s grateful. And makes me feel like it is my obligation to because I am working and earning (came from his mouth). I know my husband loves me but I feel like he just needs someone else to tell him that he’s not being a good husband in that part.
It was Christmas and I got A LOT of orders. I told him maybe I can pay you $15/hour so that you can help me. I was thinking instead of hiring someone else, why not my husband? But he was still not willing to do so. He said he will help me but I don’t need to pay him. And I said no, let me pay you. Okay, the day came. Of course he was helping me but not completely. Little help here and there and he asks if he can sit down and relax. This is not the kind of help I needed. The main reason I also wanted to pay him is so that he can focus in helping me. I wish I just hired someone. And then we fought :) yes, I paid him eventhough he didn’t want me to. I don’t want to owe him anything. We had a conversation about it later and he understood. But it was done. I don’t need help anymore. He said next time he will, for sure.
Earlier this morning we had a fight. Because after breakfast I started baking and I am running out of time, while he was washing the dishes, I asked him if he could help me with the breads after. Then his tone changed and asked “what kind of help” and I said “I just need to pack them once they’re done. Can you at least just say yes and just ask what later?” Maybe I just misunderstood him. Maybe he really did just not know what kind of help. But I told him that I never ask for help that he cannot do. It’s always a VERY SIMPLE thing that I just need help with because it still helps me A LOT and buys me time. I told him that maybe he can like the thought if helping me. What I meant is, not LIKE the kind of help, but “THE HELP” he is offering to his wife. Because if it were him in my situation, I would love to offer my help. I would love spending my time with my husband especially knowing that what he’s doing is for us. But he started complaining that “you think I LIKE washing dishes? You didn’t ask for me to do it but I do it anyway. I’d rather play my computer games and do my hobbies because it’s my day off. You can’t ask me to LIKE to do chores!” I got so offended and hurt. Am I selfish? He later added that “I wash the dishes because I want your work to become faster. I do like to help you. But I don’t like doing it, but I have to.” I’m so confused. I told him. Isn’t that what I meant when I asked if he can like the thought of helping me? And then I didn’t want to talk anymore. He’s just not making sense. I am soooo tired. So tired.