Seeking advice!!!!
I(23M) am unable to cope up with my first breakup, it was not even that long, it lasted around 10 months, but the impact it had on me is unforgettable...
I was never into relationships or situationships or fwb...nothing...though I've craved for a female companion, but never chased it, but around last year started scrolling through dating apps.
Last year i found someone through a dating app, and the vibe instantly hit the spot..also, she was the first girl(23 F) to talk to me without me carrying the conversation...
i was clear about my intentions of me seeking a 'long term relationship' and told her about all my insecurities and trust issues!
We entered into the relationship within 10 days and things were great, but slowly i kept on finding stuff I should've been told at the beginning, which indirectly kept on flaring my insecurities and trust issues...
As i was madly in love with her, i kept on negotiating my non-negotiable, but i was not at peace with that.
Then one day when i found something which i could not negotiate and decided to breakup and conveyed this to her but i could not leave her..and this started making things toxic between us... she was always scared about me leaving her and i was always scared about me finding new things which should've been told to me earlier onn.
Until jan'26 we were in the same city, her family decided to send her to her elder sister's place, to a new city so that she could find a job there and settle there!
She went there, started hunting for jobs and eventually found one...cut to week one of her working, her priorities started shifting and started talking less to me!....eventually the duration of us talking started to decline to a moment where i was the only one to start the conversation otherwise I was being ignored!
I had a talk with her, about this and she said she's settling and would need some time, but seeing her enjoy with her friends and choosing them above me made me furious, and at times i used to pour put all my anger on her and this kept on happening and she kept on asking me to choose her and not leave...though i used to tell her that i would leave her, but never left....until she said either choose me or leave me...and this made me hell lot of scared and i told her that i would work on my anger management, never speak about her past(i had rhe habit of bringing it up), and never stop her from choosing her friends above me just to keep me besides them!
But then she told me now she doesn't need love and is wanting to breakup and proceed to no contact immediately.
This broke me and i also tried commiting suicide but eventually could not!
Now, it's been 35 days of no contact, i have all the reasons why i should forget her but i keep on thinking about her all the time, coincidentally I am currently pursuing an MBA from a college situated in the same state where she is currently.... I've all the reasons to forget her, but unable to do so...I don't want to talk to her, i dont want her back in my life...its just that i want to forget her or i want to stop thinking about her....when I'm with my friends its easier for me, but i still think about her.
With every notification i think its hers, i know i would not get one, this fact is what triggering me that how is managing it!...we almost used to be in contact for more that 14-16 hours a day and now...SILENCE!!!
Yesterday was her birthday i unblocked her on Instagram and wished her but eventually deleted the msg...after sometime i saw that i was blocked!
I am fed up with seeing, how things are so much easier for her and not for me,..even if she's pretending, i am unable to do that even!
I've been seeking therapy, constantly asking questions on AI tools, but nothing seems to help!
I've no more energy left to even talk to another girl...one of the girls at my college proposed to me, but i instantly rejected her and blocked her....
I just want to be at peace and not constantly think about her!
Any advice, about how to move on..would be appreciated!