u/KaliLifts

I'm a mom with a family of three. We have a house that's smaller than most apartments, a tiny yard, a single car garage, and a 20x10 outbuilding with 9 ft ceilings that was falling apart.

It's a long story how things got to this point. A combination of bad luck, depression, and procrastination. The yard became overgrown with weeds and fallen branches. The house needs an entirely new roof, gutters, and some windows. It needs paint in several spots. The screen door is broken, and the front door is in bad shape.

The outbuilding's roof was destroyed, and about 70% of the items inside were ruined. It had been packed nearly to the ceiling. The garage was packed too, including up into the rafters. It stopped being usable. The bedroom and hall closets were overfilled. My child's room had toys and art/craft trash piled about three feet high. My bedroom and a spare room had clean clothes stacked a few feet high. There were 40+ plants everywhere. Clean cardboard boxes, jars, and bottles were being saved all over the house. Oh, and there was random construction debris piled high in the backyard from the previous owner.

I looked at the decluttering and hoarding subreddits and saw comments saying to just do ten minutes of decluttering a day. For awhile, I was doing more than that, and it didn't seem to make any difference.

Then I got a notice from my homeowner's insurance giving us a deadline to replace the roof. Around the same time, I went into the outbuilding and saw rain pouring in and mold growing. I felt even more embarrassed and ashamed.

I started making calls and talking to several businesses. I chose a contractor for the roof replacement, which is scheduled for the end of summer. I can't schedule the gutters until I have a date for the roof.

I also didn't really have a bathroom vanity -- it was a workbench. I got rid of it and installed a new vanity. I have a busted window scheduled for repair. I mowed the yard, pulled weeds, and got rid of most of the branches.

Then I bought a reciprocating saw, rented a 6 yard dumpster, and started demolishing the outbuilding. (And got rid of the construction debris.) The floor and roof were disgusting, but the siding, windows, and framing were still good, so people stopped by and took the materials. I threw all the destroyed items into the dumpster.

I've donated multiple boxes of clean books, several bags of toys and plushies, housewares, and exercise equipment -- I had been hoarding that too. Right now I'm working through my clothes.

I ended up needing a second dumpster. I'm still working on demolishing the outbuilding, but I only have about one more day of work left on it.

I'm still feeling overwhelmed. Part of that is having to wait for the contracted work to be done. Also knowing I have more of my own things to go through. My partner has been trying his best and has made good progress, but he seems to have hit a mental block when it comes to letting things go.

At this point, it looks like I'll need to rent a third dumpster. These aren't small dumpsters either. They're the same size, if not larger, than the ones many businesses use.

I'm feeling overwhelmed, but I'm just going to keep working on my things and house projects. There's still a lot left to do.

I went birding today for about an hour. I just walked a nature trail by my house. I would step slightly off trail (which is allowed) so I wouldn't be in anyone's way. I had my birding app up on my phone and was using binoculars. Several people stopped to ask if I saw any good birds -- which is fine. I'd give a vague answer and try to to continue, but they'd demand details. I tried to be vague again, but they'd get angrier. So I named a specific bird. They got even more irritated, and tried to correct me like I was mispronouncing it -- they listed a bird with a similar name. Things like this just kept happening. I always try to be vague to end the conversation, and when I say something specific, people inevitably try to tell me why what I'm saying is wrong. Also, in the past people have intentionally stopped in front of me, close, to block my view and demand my attention.

When I go hiking and take a photo of something, someone will start berating me, asking what I'm doing, asking if I even know what I'm taking photos of. If I go jogging or trail running, people will physically try to block me while simultaneously ignoring me. Like if I announce "passing on your left" or even "excuse me, passing by" after the third time, they'll try to stay centered on the trail, maybe scowl for a second, not make room, not respond.

If I garden in my yard, someone will stop by and try and "mansplain" or criticize something I'm doing. Same if I'm working out in my garage. Someone will walk up my driveway, watch me, and criticize something. Or people will just stop and watch me, like they don't think I can see them?

I've had contractors over to my house, and some of them seemed furious as soon as they saw me. I think it's because I have a traditionally male name, and I filled out online contact forms for the appointments. They didn't want to talk to me. (There were a couple that were nice, though!)

I've asked my husband about all this, and he usually just says that people expect women to be chatty and peppy, and when I'm not it upsets them. Contractors don't want to speak to women. Also that I present masculine and it makes some people mad.

Is he right? Do allistic women have to deal with all this same BS? I just want to be left alone in public, and if not, at least people could be decent. Does anyone have advice? Wearing headphones with music off doesn't work, because then people touch me to get my attention.

I’m pretty sure I’ve decided which roofer to go with, and they only use Malarkey shingles, which seem to have a really good reputation. Their standard option is the Malarkey Vista, and the upgrade is the Malarkey Legacy.

From what I've read, the Legacy shingles are supposed to last around 10 years longer, but I’m wondering how much that really matters if the roof will probably be replaced in 15-20 years anyway? I’m not trying to cheap out, but I also don’t want to spend a couple thousand extra if there’s no real benefit.

I have zero experience with roofing, so I figured I’d ask here. I'm wondering what people with more experience think? I appreciate any insight and advice. Thanks.