u/Kamila95

Kind of a rant. Not my 1st language.

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I have been having hard time with therapy. I am diagnosed with GAD and ADHD. I was put in group DBT (technically it's not group therapy, but more like teaching classes in a group setting). It's been going on for months, 2 hours weekly, online. It started okay but every week it got harder and harder. I found it just so distressing. I hated hearing about other people's problems, I hated being on camera when I was unwell, hated having to sit still and do the exercises (I have big problem with authority and following instructions), I could not focus, I felt like majority of what is said has no relation to my issues, etc. Etc. Multiple times I had to stay behind to discuss my struggles with the therapists, and how poorly I am responding to DBT. At one point I had to take sick off work due to my mental health.

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Things got worse last week - I was in a good mood, on holidays. And then we did an exercise in imagination. We had to imagine a safe place first, preferably from memory. I couldn't think of one, every place I thought of bad memories or scenarios flooded in. As I was still trying to find one the facilitator has moved to the next step of imagining the surroundings, the smells, the touch. I knew I was on the aphantasia spectrum but I didn't even know people could imagine sensations or smells. For some reason I spiralled from this new discovery and got really upset, had to get up and paced around my room, crying, rocking etc. I felt bad as I knew it could be distracting to others but I knew if I turned off my camera I'd get told to turn it back on... It was a bad time.

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And now, this week's session. It was horrible. I couldn't do the homework as it was too distressing, and when it was my turn to go through it, I explained that I didn't do it. One of the therapists then asked more questions about why, so I explained what happened inside my head the last session. We then had a mild altercation/misunderstanding about paced breathing exercises, which then led to me being offended and angry. I was already upset and overwhelmed and it all just got too much. So I just... left.

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Since then I spoke to one of the other therapists and we discussed that I am not coming back, I just physically can't do it. These sessions are the hardest, most depressing and anxiety inducing times of my week. It takes me days to recover to my baseline. I have been trying to persevere for months, hoping that maybe I have to get worse to get better. But we were almost at the end of therapy, with only two sessions left, and I am still only getting worse. This is like my eighth time in therapy, and I am used to them not helping but they've never made me worse like this.

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How do you keep hope that therapy can be helpful after so many failed attempts? Do I risk going to therapy again knowing it might make me spiral again?

I am considering visiting Senegal for the first time. I don't know how long I want to stay there, maybe 2 weeks maybe 5, unsure. The issue is: it says it is necessary to have proof of onward travel. As I won't have a return ticket, this makes things difficult.

As I would also like to maybe visit Gambia I thought to buy a bus ticket beforehand but I have not been able to get into the Dem Dikk app as the sms confirmation texts don't arrive. I thought to buy a plane ticket instead but it would cost so much more, plus I do not know what day I want to go so it is not a great option either...

I also thought about getting a refundable return ticket with Iberia/Vueling but both seem to only to credit refunds not cash refunds.

Any other ideas or personal experience?

For context I am Polish, but I would be flying from the UK.

I have had issues with my TMJ for years. Recently it's been getting worse, my jaw pops on both sides, and I have to guide it in place when I yawn etc. I do not grind my teeth, but I clench my jaw a bit (not enough to wear off my teeth). My dentist gave me a night guard about a month or two ago. Unfortunately, I love the sensation of clenching my jaw when I wear it and I seem to do it through the night. I wake up with my jaw clenched hard, and my TMJ feels sore in the morning.

My questions now are:

- Is clenching my jaw with the night guard on still beneficial for my TMJ, as at least it is soft? Or is it bad, as I do it harder and more noticeably than without it?

- Is the soreness in the morning a bad or good sign?

- Anyone else with a similar experience?