AITA for escalating a spat between my wife and her mom?
My MIL seems to have some kind of technical problem with a password login. My wife has already gone over once this week to try and fix it (unsuccessfully) and now MIL is pressuring her to come over again to give it another shot.
After suggesting to do it tomorrow MIL replied that she's away tomorrow and to "just leave it then." following it up with "I'll remember this next time you need help, like pet sitting" and that my wife is being complicated and difficult.
This is where my wife showed me the chat log and asked me what to do. We discussed for a bit how MIL didn't ask me or any of her sons about this. (which I think I would if this were so important for me) and our conclusion was that this was more about getting my wife to "dance" yfor her than actually solving the problem and so the problem was how to deal with the social situation more than the technical problem.
I asked if I should take over and my wife agreed. I send MIL a message that I didn't appreciate her putting so much pressure on my wife when there were other - more technically inclined people she could be asking and asked what the problem was. To this she replied "No problem. Forget it."
I tried to prompt her again saying that it sounded important to her and I could do more than offer help.
Since then I haven't heard anything else from MIL but my wife fears I have escalated the situation and fears emotional reprisal wondering if she should reply to her mom with *something*.
IMO this is about "boat steadying" as my wife volunteered on her own that her mother never does this sort of thing with any of her other kids (at least those who haven't cut contact with her). I see this as a blatant manipulation attempt but - something my wife has been transparent about having been a long standing tradition - but of course I recognize that, no matter who's at fault, it's the person I love who now has to sit through the uncomfortable tension. And obviously I may very well be wrong in my assessment.
So, Am I the Asshole here?
(Everything in this post occurred in a different language but I've done my best to translate both the actual phrasing as well as the tone without blowing the post up with a literal play by play.)