u/Key-Cash-6198

We’ve been together for 2 years. Starting in October of 2025 she began getting distant. She was there in person but she had no motivation, physical touch declined, if she dropped food on the floor it’s remained there u til I picked it up.
I started by sitting on the couch with her after the kids went to bed and I would ask if she was okay. Was there anything I could do etc. She would always respond with she’s good etc. It would typically last for about 45 minutes and we’d wrap it up. But as time passed I would sit down and have this same conversation more frequently once a week even. It was like talking to a wall. She’s nod her head, say okay or respond with Sorry.
Never turned argumentative no accusations we’ve never even had a fight. I began coming home from work and straight to work. Sweeping,mopping, dishes, getting laundry ready. Pick up the living room etc
December came and she finally responded a little more and said if we move into a new place everything would get better. Lease ended moved into a nice townhome first floor and it only got worse.
I was working 60-70 hours a week, coming home to a train wreck, clothes scattered about the house, kids food all over the floor mixed with clothes, our bedrooms looked like a bomb went off. So I’d spend a good 1&1/2 picking up and it was wearing me down.
March 24 I had off and so when I woke up my game plan was to clean the entire house before lunch and have an evening off. After tackling downstairs I went up. This is where the clothes were the worst. You couldn’t see the carpet through the clothing. Not 5 minutes in I stepped on a diaper full of shit, it went through my toes, I started gagging and it broke me.

I mistakenly left the house that day, came back the next evening and broke things off… after explaining why to her for about 40 minutes I sat down apologized and said I couldn’t do it anymore and it was over. I proceeded to go to my friends house for the next 2 weeks, barely spoke to her unless it was about our son, and just worked with the occasional night out.

End of week 2 I started coming back home and it was completely different. It smelled good, the place was clean, she even folded my laundry. She would put Spotify on the tv play with the kids more and started cooking. When I asked why the change she explained that me breaking up with her was a moment of clarity and that she didn’t want to lose me, the kids deserved a clean house, and that she needed to take better care of her self.

And that’s not how I took it. I stupidly seen it as a slap in the face. Like a “look what I can do without you here” move and I was mad. Like how have I sat here for months asking for help, asking how I can help, asking for effort and all of a sudden it was fixed?
A month goes by and this where I begin to regret everything. I went out drinking and came home late around 11. And she was awake on the couch. After a few minutes we did the deed… and I told her I want to try again. I don’t remember this part of the conversation and so when I woke up. She filled me in and how she was so happy and I don’t know wtf was wrong with me. Pride ego I can’t wrap my head around it. But I told her I didn’t want to start back yet. I did I did want her back but it was like if I took her back then. I’d be accepting that I made the wrong decision in March and I couldn’t accept that fact.

She was upset obviously, had every right to be, and for about 2 weeks after we began being around each other more, watching anime every night etc. And then shit hit the fan.
I came home and she was FaceTiming a friend who happened to be a guy. And even though I know there was zero chance she’d ever get with someone in his condition. It like sent me over the edge. Like all the emotion I didn’t know I had just came pouring out.
Like my future for a moment flickered in my head and I couldn’t have that future without her there.

And so I was ready to fix things. I asked to sit down and on a piece of paper write down everything she wanted me to do or do better and I the same. We didn’t end up writing much but the few things we wrote were valid.
The next two days were perfect and then after she went out with her lady friends. She came back and hit me with I don’t think I want this right now. And it broke me. I asked why and she just said she needed more time to make a decision. That I had my time to choose so she deserved hers and I couldn’t get over myself. For the next following days I kept telling her I loved her, I’d buy her flowers and have them delivered to her work, but these just made her mad. And I have absolutely no clue on how to handle that. My whole life has been a fight, I respond to anything with longer hours, more focus, until I’ve found the solution. And I know that this isn’t the case but I just can’t drill that into my head I don’t know how.

I got better I stopped texting her, in person I didn’t speak until she spoke(she lives in my townhouse) and then she began making smalls plans. We’d grab lunch then a few days later we’d watch a new anime episode. Up until last night. She asked if I’d help her clean and afterwards we could hangout the rest of the day and i absolutely agreed.
Almost the whole day went well u til the end. I was getting ready to go get our son from his grand mother and I told her I loved her. And she said why do you keep saying that. I don’t even know if we’re getting back together and I spiraled. I went right back to pleading my case. I we spent 2 years together etc etc. I moved from My home state to build a life with you I have no one else here etc etc.
Why’s it not worth trying again? How is the idea of potentially meeting someone new and starting all over. Out weigh the idea of fixing what was broke, building it better, and walking passed this as a learning lesson. And she told me she didn’t know right now. Mind you she’s never said any of this without emotion tearing up etc and the same happened here.
When I came back home after picking my boy up. She was ready for my ass. I get him situated and right then and there she was heated.
(her mom and friend have been on her ass about taking this serious and not splitting up, and her mom had called and from little info I got. Told her that going up 2-3 times a week not coming back home. Spending $180-200 on a baby sitter each time isn’t sustainable. This isn’t the person she is, and that she’s making a mistake.) This has been on for a week or two. But until last night I didn’t say anything to them. I texted her mom as I was leaving saying “I think she’s truly done. She acts like she has no intention of trying and I can’t force it”

And she was mad as hell, slammed the gate, told me that I made it worse and that we were done. Didn’t say goodnight, and left this morning without saying good bye

This whole time frame has really screwed me up. I’ve cried almost every night. The first few days I’ve been throwing up. I’ve never had a heart break before and until I met her I was always the “stone cold” guy and I’ve been learning how to navigate and process myself with her help. And I’m a train wreck right now.
I love her I really really do. I want nothing more than for her to come home and say she misses me. I feel like I need to be fighting my case rn but I know realistically that would only screw it up worse. Idk.
I came into this looking for advice but I don’t even know what kind of advice I need.
Maybe feedback or opinions please?