u/Key-Confection956

Before I absolutely get roasted: I am not the original poster. I am the “girl best friend” in this story.

If you remember the original post, you know it was quite the wild ride. I saw that the original post and account have now been deleted (good riddance), but I thought I'd post an update and answer some questions from people who commented on the original. After I showed my best friend what happened, I deleted most of the screenshots because I didn't feel like I needed them anymore. I did, however, copy the original text from the post itself (since you can't always post pictures on reddit), so I'll put the text in the comments for context/reminder if I can.

So, this all happened Friday last week, I believe.

I found out that my best friend, whom I usually refer to as my “brother,” had a girlfriend who made an AITA post about me. The entire premise was that she couldn't stand me despite having no actual reason to, hence the title. In the post and comments, she called me a wh0re, homewrecker, child, little girl, slxt, etc. She also started sexualizing me like crazy and somehow accused her boyfriend of being a pedophile because I'm short. Apparently being short makes me underage now? I genuinely don't follow the logic.

That evening I went to my 'brother' and showed him everything she had posted. He was absolutely disgusted by what she had said and broke up with her on the spot. He also posted this through my Reddit account: “I would never have imagined this is what she is actually like. Usually, she is shy and quiet. When she called sis a ‘lady of the night,’ I was already baffled, but I genuinely can’t believe what I’m reading in this thread.

Also, what is this tangent you keep going on about me supposedly being some kind of predator because she is short? I would strongly advise against using words when you clearly don't know what they mean.

You seem like the kind of woman who would falsely accuse a man of abuse. Good riddance.”

And that was that.

The update:

She hasn't harassed either of us any further. She came to collect her stuff from his house on Sunday. They barely spoke, and that was the end of it. My 'brother' isn't particularly devastated either. He did really like her, but they had only been dating for three months. I'm sorry... didn't she mention that in the original post? 😂 They had only known each other for a little over three months.

Was this all actually real?

Yes. This all actually happened and was very much real. The suspicion came from her Reddit account being created the same day as the post. She actually admitted in the comments that she made the account specifically because she hoped I would see the post. She thought everyone would side with her and call me names. Obviously, that didn't quite go according to plan.

Did we have sex?

Another question, or rather, request, that I saw quite a few times was people suggesting that my best friend and I should have, and I quote, “passionate, rough, amazing sex while listening to metal to spite this woman.” I have to admit, the idea amused both me and my brother greatly, but no. We genuinely view each other as big brother and little sister. We're not related by blood, but the idea of having sex with each other, even hypothetically, made both of us physically recoil in disgust. So unfortunately, Reddit, you don't get that ending. 😂

I know this probably isn't the most exciting update in the world, but the original post got quite a bit of attention and then disappeared without any resolution. So if you were part of the original discussion, I hope you enjoyed the closure. And if you weren't... well, enjoy the tea. 😂

So I am currently bored and mildly addicted to AITA, and I was reflecting on the last two years of my life. In a good way. I have a job now that I absolutely love, and it made me think about how I got here.

This is basically a thought experiment because I’m curious what people who have absolutely no connection to the situation would think. Everything happened 1.5 years ago and is completely over. If you think I handled something badly, feel free to tell me so I can learn from it.

When I was 18, I started an internship at a hotel. They liked me immediately and offered me a job, and I ended up working there for 3.5 years.

There were three managers. Lets call them “Caring”(60+M), “Happy” (50+M) and “Incompetent” (30+F): Caring, the director; Happy, a manager; and Incompetent, another manager who was responsible for the training Front Office Managers (important detail).

Within my first year, Happy offered to train me to become a Front Office Manager. Caring agreed, but Incompetent was actually the one giving the training. The training was supposed to take six months.

Incompetent decided to add two other girls to the training without discussing it with Happy or Caring. Let's call them “Unstable” and “Gaslighter”(I know the names are petty, let me have this one please!). Though Caring and Happy found this odd, they thought having back-ups would come in handy. One of the three of us would eventually get the position.

The first six months went well for me. I completed all my workshops, tasks and paperwork on time. The other two completed some workshops but didn’t do any of the tasks or paperwork.

Instead of giving me the promotion, Incompetent extended the training so the other two could catch up with me. She said she was just being fair. I didn’t agree, but swallowed it.

After that I was basically already doing the job without the salary. I had the uniform, codes, responsibilities, etc. I was also doing extra work. I was social media manager and events manager. I didn't mind because I genuinely believed I was investing in my future.

Then the workplace started changing.

A group of about seven girls formed a clique, including Unstable and Gaslighter. Gaslighter was actually the “leader”. It started with them taking extremely long smoking/toilet breaks and sitting in the back office on their phones. It slowly started escalating. They got away with things other employees didn't. People complained, but nothing happened.

One incident really made me dislike Gaslighter.

One of our "strictest" Front Office Managers was hit by a car. Thankfully, he only broke his collarbone. While we were signing a get-well card, Gaslighter said, completely seriously, “He should've been hit harder. I wish the car had actually run him over so we’d be rid of him.”

I asked what he'd ever done to her besides enforcing the rules, and she said he was ‘fucking annoying’ and that it was his karma.

Then he returned to work and she immediately started sucking up to him while continuing to talk shit about him behind his back.

Around this time, people started quitting constantly. Apart from a few long-term employees and the clique, we seemed to have an entirely new group of colleagues every couple of months.

Then I realized why.

Incompetent was part of the clique.

She was in her late 30s while most of these girls were 16–25, and they made her feel young and included. Because her office was right next to reception, people naturally went to her with complaints. She would defend the girls.

I never confronted her about it. Instead, when colleagues told me they wanted to complain about the clique, I directed them to Caring, Happy or HR. People often came to me for advise.

And things actually started improving for a while.

But it didn’t last for long. Incompetent sent out a formal message saying that all complaints were to go directly through her.

That pretty much confirmed my suspicions.

Meanwhile, my six-month training had now become a YEAR. Another Front Office Manager position opened up, so there would eventually be two positions available.

Everyone assumed I would get one. Caring and Happy did too.

On the day of the first announcement Happy literally told me, “Today's your big day!”

Then Incompetent announced the first promotion....

It was Unstable?

And I wasn't just calling her “Unstable” for shits and giggles. She had a lot going on personally at the time. She had been kicked out by her family, was living with her boyfriend while repeatedly cheating on him (which he absolutely didn't deserve because he was lovely), and was dealing with an active eating disorder that had already caused health complications.

I actually got along with her well enough. She seemed to like and trust me. More importantly, she had personally told me that she didn't want to become a Front Office Manager because she didn't think she could handle the stress and responsibility of the position.

That's what made the promotion so bizarre to me. This wasn't just a title where you sat in an office and delegated. As a Front Office Manager, you were responsible for what was happening on the floor, dealing with emergencies and making decisions when things went wrong. If there was a serious incident, you were one of the people expected to take charge.

She hadn't even completed the full training and still didn't know many of the tasks involved. So I genuinely couldn't understand why Incompetent would choose her for a position she had explicitly told me she didn't feel capable of handling.

So imagine everyone's surprise when she got the position anyway.

The worst part was that Incompetent then made me train her on the tasks she still didn't know.

Then, the day before the second promotion announcement, Incompetent called me into her office.

She asked why I never came to her with my problems. I told her I simply trusted Happy more because we were friends. (I know weird age gap. Happy is a 50+ gay men that liked my fashion, we sometimes got coffee before work just talking about fashion and movies). It wasn't anything personal.

Then she started accusing me of some of the things the clique had been doing.

I denied them and said those were things the girls were doing.

She responded:

“You're so eager to throw everyone under the bus. You're not a girl's girl. I know you didn't do any of this, but who do you think Caring would believe? You or a manager?”

I told her, “Me, because I'm telling the truth and I always have.”

She said that when I started working there, she looked through my CV and diplomas. She said I got high grades, seemed to be good at everything without trying, and that everything had been handed to me on a silver platter. That she hated me for it. That I am just like the girls she hated in middle school.

I tried to explain that I actually worked very hard, but she shushed me.

Then she said:

“Everyone here could want you as their manager, but as long as I'm here, you will never get that position. You're going to get humbled.”

At that point, I knew I had a serious problem.

The next day I went to Caring and HR with a written account of everything that had happened.

I also included something particularly awful I'd previously learned about.

The clique had decided they didn't like another girl because she refused to join them. They printed ugly pictures of her and plastered them all over the back office.

She complained to Incompetent.

Incompetent told her it was “just a joke,” called it a “bitch move” to go to management instead of confronting the girls herself, and told her that if she couldn't handle a joke, she should quit.

She did.

I also told Caring and HR about the clique being protected, the death-wish comments from Gaslighter, the constant complaints and resignations, and how my training had repeatedly been delayed while the other girls caught up. (The girls did more stuff like this)

They were shocked.

They believed me, and apparently it finally explained why so many people had been leaving. By the time most people quit, they were so angry that they just cursed out the entire workplace rather than explaining what had happened to HR.

Then the second promotion was announced.

Gaslighter got the other Front Office Manager position.

People were furious, since she was literally the leader of the mean girls. Two people quit on the spot.

Caring, Happy and HR were also furious, but there wasn't much they could legally do. Incompetent had a permanent contract and technically had the authority to make the promotion decisions. And although they believed me, most of what had been said between us couldn't be proven.

At that point I told them I wasn't going to perform Front Office Manager duties anymore if I wasn't being paid as one.

So I stopped.

And apparently I had been doing WAY more than I realized, because the Front Office basically collapsed. Incompetent blamed me for this and started punishing me by giving me morning shifts after my night shifts (yes, she also made the scheduels and yes, this is illegal in my country).

I started job hunting and only did my actual receptionist duties. This was around October, and I wanted to stay until the end of the year. I actually did love my job and couldn’t fully accept what had happened yet.

Happy eventually suggested I let my contract expire in January because it would look better on my resume. He then let me take December and January off while still paying me as though I were working full-time, and he gave me a beautiful recommendation letter.

I thought that was the end of it.

It wasn't.

While job hunting, companies would tell me they wanted to hire me, say they just needed to finish some administrative things, and then suddenly reject me.

This happened 12 times.

On the twelfth occasion, someone finally told me why. When companies called the hotel for a reference and asked to speak to Happy, Incompetent would say he wasn't available and offer to give the reference herself. Then she would talk shit about me.

So I removed the hotel name from my CV and listed the larger company/chain instead, since the hotel was part of a bigger organization.

I got hired immediately.

I'm now extremely happy with my job and genuinely grateful that this whole mess eventually pushed me somewhere better.

But looking back, I'm wondering:

Was I actually an asshole for going to Caring and HR and essentially “throwing Incompetent under the bus,” or was she completely out of line?

I did deliberately bypass her when people wanted to complain because I believed she was protecting the clique. I also told management about what she had said to me after she threatened to make sure I would never get promoted.

At the time, I thought I was standing up for myself and other employees.

But I’m curious what an outside perspective thinks.

I (23F) have been going to the same holiday resort almost every year for the past 19 years. The staff there have basically become family. One of them is the general manager. I absolutely adore her, and as a kid she was my idol. I loved her boss babe energy!

In 2019, her son started working there. He's only three years older than me, and because his mom adores me, she basically played matchmaker. We had a little holiday fling.

Now, I love holiday flings because they're exactly that: holiday flings. They're fun, temporary, and then everyone goes home.

After the holiday we stayed in touch a bit. Later that year he mentioned he might visit my country because his mom had a business trip and he wanted to meet up. I was actually open to that... until he casually told me one of my best friends at the time (not anymore) had been messaging him behind my back and that he was really interested in meeting her too.

Well... that killed it for me. I was done.

Fast forward to 2021 (thanks, COVID).

We met again at the resort. To avoid drama, I told him I was happy to just be friends. Nothing more. He agreed.

Then he spent the entire holiday acting possessive and cockblocking me. I finally told him to knock it the fuck off because he wasn't my boyfriend and I didn't want him.

He then told me he was "still in love" with me.

Mind you, this was the same guy who had been drooling over my 'friend'. So forgive me if I didn't buy the Romeo act.

Then he tried to kiss me.

I pulled away.

He grabbed my ass and tried again.

I pulled away again.

Then he grabbed my boobs and tried AGAIN.

At that point I shoved him and punched him in the face. He got a nosebleed (I used to do kickboxing). I walked away and went back to our apartment. He didn't follow me.

Since then I've ignored him every time we've gone back.

My parents and our friends that join us each year all still talk to him occasionally because we're all close with his mom, and I honestly don't mind. I don't want holiday drama, and I certainly don't want to make things awkward for her. His mom always been wonderful to me.

This year, though, everyone keeps telling me he's changed.

Apparently he's matured a lot, his interests now align even more with mine, and physically he's actually even more my type now than he was back then (more tattoos, piercings, got a great physique now etc.)

I genuinely couldn't give a flying fuck.

To me, he's the snobby little rich boy who apparently skipped the lesson on consent, so I gave him a practical demonstration of the consequences instead.

My mom thinks what he did was horrible, but she believes it came from immaturity, inexperience, desperation and stupidity rather than malice. She thinks he was a dumb young guy who has since grown up.

I don't care.

Assault is assault.

Intent doesn't magically erase what happened.

She even jokingly said, "Look, there goes your abuser," as he walked by. We both have a very dark sense of humor and we are very close (like she is my best friend), so I wasn't offended by the joke itself, but it did make me feel like she doesn't see what happened as seriously as I do.

(Edit: She didn't know the full story. She thought he tried to kiss me once, I punched him in the face, and that was the end of it. Looking back, I was probably so pissed off when I first told her that I left out the details in favor of passionately explaining what an asshole he was.)

She also told me he's apparently still really into me and keeps commenting on how beautiful I look.

Good for him.

I have absolutely zero interest in giving him another chance.

I've already told my mom I don't mind if she talks to him, but I don't want to hear about him and I don't want anyone trying to convince me he's changed.

She respected that.

So...

AITAH for refusing to forgive him, even if he genuinely has changed? Am I being overly dramatic for still wanting absolutely nothing to do with him?

I (23F) have been going to the same holiday resort almost every year for the past 19 years. The staff there have basically become family. One of them is the general manager. I absolutely adore her, and as a kid she was my idol. I loved her boss babe energy!

In 2019, her son started working there. He's only three years older than me, and because his mom adores me, she basically played matchmaker. We had a little holiday fling.

Now, I love holiday flings because they're exactly that: holiday flings. They're fun, temporary, and then everyone goes home.

After the holiday we stayed in touch a bit. Later that year he mentioned he might visit my country because his mom had a business trip and he wanted to meet up. I was actually open to that... until he casually told me one of my best friends at the time (not anymore) had been messaging him behind my back and that he was really interested in meeting her too.

Well... that killed it for me. I was done.

Fast forward to 2021 (thanks, COVID).

We met again at the resort. To avoid drama, I told him I was happy to just be friends. Nothing more. He agreed.

Then he spent the entire holiday acting possessive and cockblocking me. I finally told him to knock it the fuck off because he wasn't my boyfriend and I didn't want him.

He then told me he was "still in love" with me.

Mind you, this was the same guy who had been drooling over my 'friend'. So forgive me if I didn't buy the Romeo act.

Then he tried to kiss me.

I pulled away.

He grabbed my ass and tried again.

I pulled away again.

Then he grabbed my boobs and tried AGAIN.

At that point I shoved him and punched him in the face. He got a nosebleed (I used to do kickboxing). I walked away and went back to our apartment. He didn't follow me.

Since then I've ignored him every time we've gone back.

My parents and our friends that join us each year all still talk to him occasionally because we're all close with his mom, and I honestly don't mind. I don't want holiday drama, and I certainly don't want to make things awkward for her. His mom always been wonderful to me.

This year, though, everyone keeps telling me he's changed.

Apparently he's matured a lot, his interests now align even more with mine, and physically he's actually even more my type now than he was back then (more tattoos, piercings, got a great physique now etc.)

I genuinely couldn't give a flying fuck.

To me, he's the snobby little rich boy who apparently skipped the lesson on consent, so I gave him a practical demonstration of the consequences instead.

My mom thinks what he did was horrible, but she believes it came from immaturity, inexperience, desperation and stupidity rather than malice. She thinks he was a dumb young guy who has since grown up.

I don't care.

Assault is assault.

Intent doesn't magically erase what happened.

She even jokingly said, "Look, there goes your abuser," as he walked by. We both have a very dark sense of humor and we are very close (like she is my best friend), so I wasn't offended by the joke itself, but it did make me feel like she doesn't see what happened as seriously as I do.

(Edit: She didn't know the full story. She thought he tried to kiss me once, I punched him in the face, and that was the end of it. Looking back, I was probably so pissed off when I first told her that I left out the details in favor of passionately explaining what an asshole he was.)

She also told me he's apparently still really into me and keeps commenting on how beautiful I look.

Good for him.

I have absolutely zero interest in giving him another chance.

I've already told my mom I don't mind if she talks to him, but I don't want to hear about him and I don't want anyone trying to convince me he's changed.

She respected that.

So...

AITAH for refusing to forgive him, even if he genuinely has changed? Am I being overly dramatic for still wanting absolutely nothing to do with him?

I (23F) started talking to a guy about two months ago. On paper, he's exactly my type, everything I could ask for: intelligent, nerdy, a gamer, into cosplay, and genuinely one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Physically he is a tall Asian guy, which is also my type (though I do like some tattoos, piercing and alt fashion).

I wasn't looking for a relationship, though.

I had just accepted a new 9-to-5 job after years of working evenings and night shifts, and I knew adjusting my sleep schedule would be difficult.

I would start this new job in a month.

I told him this from the start and said I wanted to take things slowly, because I wasn't sure how much time or energy I'd have.

I was willing to give it a try, even though the timing wasn't great, cause he seemed so perfect on paper and I was afraid I'd miss out on something amazing.

He was completely okay with that.

We went on two dates. They were fun, and I enjoyed spending time with him, but I never felt any romantic or physical attraction. Now I do have a lot of male best friends (not interested in me, nor I in them or queer) and thought I just got to comfortable friendzoning men.

I kept hoping those feelings would grow because he's honestly such a great guy and when I look at him I can see he is handsome. After the first date, he already told me he was in love with me. I told him I did not feel the same way and didn't want to make promises.

The day before I started my new job was my birthday. I invited him along with my friends. Beforehand, I specifically told him not to buy me anything , because we'd only known each other for about a month. Him being there would be enough of a gift for me.

He showed up with a very expensive gift anyway. I genuinely liked the gift, but it made me extremely uncomfortable because it felt like too much, too soon.

Later that evening we had our first kiss. It was... honestly awful. He noticed too and immediately asked if we should try again. Before I could even answer with "no" he tried again.

The second kiss felt even worse. My immediate reaction was revulsion, and that's when I realized I couldn't keep pretending attraction might develop.

I am a pretty "lustful" person when I am into someone, so I should've known, but I didn't want to be this shallow. I felt terrible because he really is a kind, thoughtful person.

After my birthday I started my new job and reminded him again that I needed some space, for atleast a month, to adjust (and boy was I right, cause I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a month now. I feel like the walking dead. Love my new job though. I just need some time to adjust)

He agreed.

About a week in he told me he had another birthday gift for me and wanted to drop it off. I said no because I didn't want him driving 30 minutes just to hand me a present. After some back and forth, he admitted he was actually hoping that once he saw me I'd agree to go to dinner with him. That pissed me off because I'd already made it clear several times I wasn't ready to meet up.

Since then I've found myself becoming increasingly irritated by little things about him.

For instance, I am a gamer, he claims to be one aswell, but he sucks at gaming which really turns me off. Dumb things like that.

I know that's unfair, shallow and perhaps even plain mean, but I think it's partly because I kept trying to force feelings that just aren't there.

We've barely spoken for two weeks because I asked for space, and he respected that.

Now I'm wondering what to do.

Part of me wants to end things because I know I don't want a relationship, and I don't want to lead him on. I'd honestly be happy to stay friends if he wanted that.

The other part of me feels guilty because he bought me an expensive birthday gift (and apparently another one), and I'm worried it'll look like I was only interested in the gifts, which I'm not. For context, I always insisted on paying my own share on dates, because I didn't want to accept anything while I was unsure of my feelings (which I told him.)

So... AITAH for letting this get this far and ending it now? Do you have some advice for me?