u/Key_Front_9441

It’s been almost 4 weeks since my TFMR and I’ve been really struggling with my body. Before getting pregnant I was toning after previous weight loss of 40 lbs. I know there’s so much to be sad about but it stings to have a bigger stomach, thighs & more fat on me in general & no baby. I’ve expressed these feelings to my husband & he says to give it time & not weigh myself as much. I’ve thrown myself in the gym 5x a week for the past 3 weeks & I expected to see the scale drop a bit more by now. I was surprised to have stayed pretty much the exact same weight as pregnancy, even 1b heavier sometimes. Part of me knows I’m not giving myself grace but I was 18 weeks so I was starting to buy maternity clothes & no longer fit my regular clothes and now I’m in that weird stage where my regular clothes fit but they aren’t quite flattering because they hug onto my stomach & rolls on my back. It feels so trivial to be sad about this when I lost my pregnancy but it’s hard to even try to get back to normalcy without feeling comfortable in my own skin.

I tfmr’d a little over 2 weeks ago. Not very many people knew I was pregnant but we only told few people about the loss so there are still some people who don’t know I’m not still pregnant. My sister in law (stepbrothers wife) wished me a happy first mother’s day this morning & it’s the first thing I saw when I opened my phone. I know this is why it’s best to just let people know & it was very sweet for her to think of me but it hurts that all the milestone’s & special moments I was looking forward to have become such sad reminders of loss. I would have been over 5 months, my stomach would have been really getting big & I would have announced to everyone by now. Now I’m just sad & stuck. On top of that, family has been making comments about me waiting a few years & focusing on traveling & other things because “being a parent is hard” “things are expensive” & “you weren’t in the best position to have a kid to begin with.” I’m slowly feeling better but gosh there are so many triggers & it’s so hard to deal with this as my new reality instead of the excitement of being a FTM.

I had a termination last week for a genetic condition that had a 1/4 chance of being passed to our daughter. My husband & I have no family history of this illness, we are just unfortunately both carriers. Since then I’ve experienced every emotion, it was my first pregnancy & I truly was so excited. I feel like I’m not as entitled to sympathy because my husband & I’s genes contributed to our unborn child’s illness. It feels like it was more of a choice than a loss & I’ve been really struggling. My immediate desire is to get pregnant again but I know I’ll need time & I also struggle with knowing this could happen again but wondering why I’m less worthy of having children just because of genetics I inherited from my parents? I did everything while pregnant to take care of myself, to take care of my baby & now nothing. I’m wondering when people started to feel better & how they got over feeling like they shouldn’t try again? My surgeon said I could try again anytime after my first normal cycle & my OB reassured me that IVF has it’s own setbacks in addition to being incredibly expensive, she didn’t see us trying again naturally as irresponsible & she actually seemed reluctant to suggest IVF as a path forward in my case (26, otherwise healthy pregnancy, first pregnancy). That made me feel hopeful but still so confused & sad. I know I need to mourn properly & not rush.