u/KhergitKhanate

Greetings INTJs.

Brief background:
I'm (32M) an INTJ and have generally been in relationships with NF types all my life, except one NT. I generally have long term relationships and never have dated casually or had one night stands.

Whilst those relationships always on the emotional side were fantastic, when it came to ambitions and goals, I was always being held back by my partners and asked to devote less time to my career and more time to them - I would always strike a balance that kept both of us happy.

I have recently started formed a relationship with an ISTJ (28F). Firstly, it seems we are so similar in so many ways which was a surprise. She is strong willed, ambitious, organised, and intelligent which I admire, but she's also got a strong feminine side, a caring nature, and very devoted.

The one issue which we are both aware is that she is not emotionally expressive at all. She had toxic relationships in the past, but I think it is more about her personality than her past. This inability to communicate her feelings has sometimes led to misunderstandings between us.

It's something I am learning to understand better and to encourage her, give her the safety, to be more open, but it will take time I know that. It's not that I need to hear her gushing emotionally about how much she appreciates me, I truly see that with her actions, it is more that when times she is upset, or rocked, she may tell me (or not) that she is hurting/upset but will then shut me out or minimise it. This is a bit pull-push on me.

I want to ask if anyone has been in a relationship with an ISTJ and how that was for you?

I don't typically judge a partner by MBTI - I use the understanding to help be a more understanding partner. I think with 8 billion people there are enough variations and variables you can experience that MBTI is not one size fits all.

I say that because there seems to be quite mixed views on this 'pairing'. For some it is everything they've wanted, for others it is avoid like the plague. For me, till now, it has been the former. Communication can be worked on. Everything else is great.

Appreciate your insights !

Of course all subjective but I've (M) been dating an ISTJ (F) and it's quite literally the best relationship I've ever had. I think this pairing really works well if both are well rounded and developed individuals.

The directness and bluntness works perfectly for my literal brain, I am never second guessing and neither is she.

She is so action oriented it is perfect for me and we work together so we'll and seamlessly.

Her loyalty is to be cherished - and with it comes such warm affection it brings out the deepest romantic in me.

Of course besides the MBTI we align on various things such as work life, ambitions, motivations, tastes, culture, etc.

Helps too that we're both mature and don't play games, know what we want, and are able to be vulnerable with each other.

But those aside, just how we function together in the day to day is the best I've ever experienced; and I've had relationships with ENFP, INFJ, ENTP, and INFP.

Being with her has made me realise how much I actually settled in the past - even when I thought I hadn't I clearly was.

I'm so lucky to be hers.