u/Khiyan-04

How do you miss people?
Very weird question, I know (T-T).

It's a wall I have banged my head against too often for me to ignore, so I really do need answers now.
I find it hard to feel the absence of people, it's like once someone's out of my line of sight they do not exist anymore. People contact me abruptly which constantly throws me off, because it makes me feel like I am missing something internally that should remind me of them as well.

I experience most of my relationships like dropping a seashell in the sand, where I can just walk around and eventually come across the seashell once again. But people seem to need to check up on the seashell, to see whether it is still in the same spot, and if it still looks the same etc (which my mind doesn't do automatically).
How do I exist in their mind when I'm away? I don't understand it at all. And also, how do I make them still exist in my mind when they are away?

It's here :(
I don't feel like tying my ID to a reddit account (nor would I do it for any other social media).
I saw that you were allowed to use selfie as age verification as well, but I do not want my face scanned either. That left only one option which was to try and bypass it through using a face from thispersondoesnotexist but you need different angles.

Anyone know how to get past that verification without having to actually do either of those things?
If there is no way I'll just abandon Reddit altogether, because this shit lame as hell.

Caught myself developing a crush on someone who committed a violent crime again, so I got curious.

Is it just about attraction to people who commit violent crimes or are there any subtypes?
What if the attraction to the violent crime is greater than the attraction to the perpetrator?

I'm feeling a sense of longing and loss.
I feel it in my throat and in the pit of my stomach.
I can feel my lips drooping, my eyebrows furrowing.

For the first time in a long time, it is real.
It is not staged, performed, or something I am trying to feel.
It just is.
There is a strange sense of dignity accompanying it.
Thank you.

In my own strange way... I love you.
Even if it's not the way it's supposed to be felt.
At the very least, it is true.

_62026010_23:91_
Don't forget.
In this exact moment.
In this exact place.
In this exact writing.
I love you.

Love… for me, it’s such an irrational thing.

I cannot measure it, only my lack of it I can measure.

It freaks me out.

It’s because I don’t have the same kind of love as is expected of me (or I expect of myself? I‘m not sure).

For me, my attachment just appears.

Unlike other people’s flames that need to be fanned, managed and grown… mine comes about as a wildfire.

Uncontrollable in force | disproportionate in size.

It is not blinding though.

I can see it clearly… in all its glory.

It’s so stunning and yet so terrifyingly enormous.

I would be lying if I said I’m not tempted to succumb to it.

My burning flesh.

The harsh smell.

I want to go inside of it.

To breathe my own burning lungs back in.

Have it be constant.

Unending.

Infinite.

Felt what friendship is for the first time. Super weird.
I think my previous concept of it was pretty stupid actually.
Because of my high standards I hold for myself, I also try to fit friendship through that standard which never really worked out... even though I knew friendship was felt and not evaluated, the feeling of it never arose no matter how much I tried. It was never something mutual or fun for me in the same way I saw other people experience it... for me they either entertained me, were good for image preserving or I could extract something. Now that it was just having fun, no strings, nothing in the background working to seek something rather than the simple experience, it put me in a good mood.
So much so that I even was super nice to another friend who I usually only keep in peripheral. I was genuinely interested in what they were up to... mind blown O_O