Can we talk about the gender war in Morocco?
I’ve been thinking about how much hostility there is between men and women online, especially in Moroccan spaces.
And before anyone starts sharpening their pitchforks: I’m not picking a side. No gender is walking around with halos.
Men can absolutely be sexist and misogynistic toward women. I’ve seen men talk about women as if their entire purpose in life is to exist for the sole purpose of having children, cooking, cleaning , and keeping a husband happy in bed. Apparently, womanhood comes with a built-in job description.
But women aren’t saints either. I’ve seen women talk about men as if their natural purpose is to provide money, entertainment, and preferably a nice loft while giving for absolutely nothing in return. At some point, it stops being standards and starts looking like materialism on steroids with a Pinterest board and a to-do list.
And somewhere along the way, we stopped talking about each other as actual human beings.
Yes, I know someone will say, “This happens worldwide.” Congratulations, you have discovered the internet.
Obviously it’s a worldwide phenomenon. But let’s not pretend Morocco is immune to it. I genuinely can’t go a day online without seeing some variation القهوي(ة)** المصدي(ة)** being thrown around, as if an entire gender can be compressed into one insult and that somehow counts as social commentary.
What happened to simply expecting basic respect, responsibility, kindness, attraction and effort from each other?
Why does every conversation about relationships have to turn into a courtroom where men are presenting evidence against women and women are presenting evidence against men?
There is more to life than this.
What is the point of falling in love and getting married if the entire relationship becomes a transaction?
“Ch7al kaytkhlss?”
“Bach ghatzidni hiya f 7yati?”
“Chno 3ndo?”
“Chkon aykhlss?”
At this point, we may as well start asking for proof of income before the first date like we’re the fucking IRS.
What happened to wanting to actually fall in love?
What happened to meeting someone who makes life feel bigger, more exciting and more meaningful? Someone you genuinely admire, someone you can laugh with, grow with, build a life with, and love so deeply that being together feels almost out of this world?
Of course, compatibility matters. Attraction matters. Shared values matter. Nobody is saying we should marry someone because they made eye contact with us across a café and we heard violins. Before anyone say it; financial stability matters, but in my opinion no one has the right to ask for any kind of characteristic of any kind if they can’t provide it themselves. It goes for both genders.
But if the entire conversation around relationships is reduced to money, gender roles, sex, marriage, and what each person can extract from the other, then what exactly are we looking for?
A partner, or a subscription service?
I’m not saying men and women should have identical roles, expectations, or experiences. I’m saying we should probably stop treating each other like opposing teams whose objective is to get the most out of the other while giving the least.
And yes, I know some people will read this and immediately decide I’m a man-hater, a woman-hater, a “pick me,” or whatever new internet diagnosis is trending this week.
To those people: relax. I hate everything and everyone equally.
I’m not interested in defending men when they’re being misogynistic and condescending, and I’m not interested in defending women when they’re being entitled or materialistic. If something is toxic, it’s toxic regardless of who is doing it.