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u/KingKabuki

▲ 310 r/americandad

"Stan, we just finally got Steve off the heroin from the last birthday present you gave him."

u/KingKabuki — 1 day ago
▲ 1.6k r/americandad

"Hi! I'm Christopher, and this is my adopted daughter Opal Louise. We are having quite a day. My Prius's nickel battery is acting up, my iPhone's as dead as Farrah Fawcett, and my life partner Michael is at a Grey Goose event in Reykjavík. Can I use your phone?"

u/KingKabuki — 3 days ago
▲ 214 r/americandad

"Now, I'm gonna flick your tie. You're titillated, aren't you? But it's the '50s, and you don't know what to do with those feelings. Meet me in the bathroom. I'll drill a hole between the stalls."

u/KingKabuki — 5 days ago
▲ 288 r/americandad

"Come on, Professor. Tell the kids about all the ECONOMICS conventions you attend, discussing ECONOMICS with the ECONOMICS people."

u/KingKabuki — 6 days ago
▲ 85 r/americandad

"Oh, she works at a department store. Please, God, let their mannequins have nipples... but not heads."

u/KingKabuki — 10 days ago