▲ 194 r/americandad
"Remind me to never take this hat off. I got everything held together up there with a chip clip."
u/KingKabuki — 8 days ago
▲ 496 r/americandad
"If we're lucky, we might just take a few of them with us!"
u/KingKabuki — 1 month ago
▲ 543 r/americandad
"Yes, about six foot, blonde, stacked, not afraid to get down with the fish. Oh, and this is very important. She must be nine months pregnant."
u/KingKabuki — 1 month ago
▲ 202 r/americandad
"Hey, I just got another crazy text from Stan about socks. Is he okay?" | "Oh, I'm sure he's fine."
u/KingKabuki — 1 month ago
▲ 156 r/americandad
"Backs straight, girls. And remember, those books are for posture only. A literate girl is a lonely girl."
u/KingKabuki — 1 month ago
▲ 62 r/americandad
"Jeff, we don't even have kids." | "I know. That's why I want you to take this folded-up candy wrapper. Don't ask me how I did it. Just take it and start our family."
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago
▲ 221 r/americandad
"Well, it's been four days. I ran out of tissues and started using my handy tube sock to dry my tears. I think my eyes might be pregnant."
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago
▲ 62 r/americandad
"Nagel, you son of a bitch! Let's drug some kids! Oh, you kidding me? You already cut the turkey?"
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago
▲ 109 r/americandad
"Oh, Steve. You will never, ever have to worry about those teachers again."
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago
▲ 51 r/americandad
"Hayley, what are we gonna do about your dad? He's really obsessed with this band."
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago
▲ 70 r/americandad
"Okay, just a crush. I'll get over this. What's a good hobby? Got a bunch of string that's not doing anything."
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago
▲ 340 r/americandad
"Mrs. Smith, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to be direct."
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago
▲ 295 r/americandad
"With no ID, I was stuck in TJ for six months. I had to work as the squeegee boy at a donkey show. Every night, watching a different girl sleep with the donkey I loved."
u/KingKabuki — 2 months ago