Hi, ive been in a relationship with this girl for over 2 years being long distanced. So you know i genuinely love her and she loves me too. But recently, shes broken up with me, saying she doesnt feel the same way about me anymore, despite all the promises and reassurances she has given me. A few months before the breakup, she has developed an avoidant attachment style. Not being the way she used to be because of several reasons ive thought about, because again, I still havent gotten clarity at all which hurts as an anxiously attached person. I know i shouldnt bother about it now and move on with my life, im only here cause the curiosity is absolutely killing me. People have told me i shouldnt beat myself up if she says it wasnt my fault, but i really cant help it. Everytime i'd point out as to why shes behaving that way towards me, she'd always apologize and make fake promises she couldnt keep to herself. She did admit to it tho, saying how she says she's sorry but doesnt try to fix anything or even remember the promises. Throughout she has been telling me that she may be losing feelings for me and she's scared cause i genuinely mean alot to her and wants to avoid negative thoughts. I have always comforted her about it and always asked to talk about it but she has always mostly kept stuff to herself while prioritizing me less, not texting much as she used to, and all that. We've had fun moments at times, but then again it turns into me mentioning how avoidant she is, then her apologizing and saying she really may not feel the same for me anymore.
Eventually, one night she told me she wanted to talk to me. I said sure, and she said she needs to talk it out or seek guidance first before talking. I patiently waited, and she messaged back again. It was a long paragraph, telling me how amazing i am while breaking up with me, saying we should go our separate ways. I really was hoping she'd consider a break from the relationship, as we did discuss about it before, but that didnt happen it was too late. We both ended stuff on good terms, saying one last final stuff to each other on call, bawling our eyes out and having little jokes in between and the end with a laugh. Ive never shown that much emotion in my whole life, like ever. Im not very much of a loud crying person whenever something sad happens, i usually would be sad fighting tears always my whole life. But this was absolutely different, ive never screamed out my lungs so bad with tears before. She told me that was forever engraved onto her, and it will be to me as well.
But aside from that, i havent said the reasons yet as to why it happened and it probably dont matter anymore but id still love to know if anyone has an idea/thoughts. The first one i think as to why she felt that way is because shes raised in a harsh family environment. Where relationships arent so healthy, and absolutely abnormal. I really dont mean to judge but, shes open about it and it has always shocked me as to how shes even survived. She even told me if it wasnt for me she'd end up as bad. But yeah, alongside with a harsh environment. Its discouragement, from almost everybody. She tells me how almost everybody discourages her every single day and she'd get lectures so many times and always cried to me about it and id always comfort her. It has happened so many times where she said she doesnt know if she can handle it anymore. And another reason which i dont think it is, is the distance. We'd for sure be more intimate if we got to see each other physically more often. Another reason ive thought as well, is this side hustle she started. Its not one you'd expect but i really didnt mind until she got really lost in the sauce. Before she started that, we were our normal everyday loving selves, no problems whatsoever, at the peaks. But ever since she started that, she has been prioritizing me less and being avoidant ontop of that. Like it was so sudden, eventually she stopped after a long while of me mentioning out how its ruining us. She said she doesnt think thats the reason why, since she stopped and doesnt feel anything. I said the damage has already been done and it wont have immediate effect. But all of this reasons, I thought it my "panic" mode. Whenever she'd mention that shes scared that shes losing feelings for me, naturally id go into panic mode and find the solutions and try to fix it asap. Which was very wrong of me, but it has happened already and i can only learn from it.
But now after a while, i think the real reason is because i dont have an independent life. I would always make time for her despite any condition, and she probably thought that i have nothing else important in my life other than her.
Her parents comforted me once they found out. I eventually told my parents too, and they said how its a normal thing when you're young, and it is only rare to actually last forever. My mother told me how it is "puppy love" and ive done research on it and it has changed my perspective. Ive opened up to my closest of friends and ive felt better since. They've told me how the human heart is unpredictable, the brain develops until age 25, and how most find true love at age 25+. I think i need to find clarity within myself. Ive been trying to move on by enjoying my life, but i just feel so empty. Which im trying to figure out other hobbies or activities i can fill it up with. But other than that, what do you guys think?