u/KinkeadOfPortlandia

This hopeless life he wanted no more

Diseased inside and cold down to the bone

Woke up barely breathing on the floor

Opened his eyes to find he was all alone

A broken man swallowed by pain

A broken man with a heart full of hate

A broken man with the cracks and lines on his face

A broken man who's happiness had long begun to fade

He couldn't get her off of his mind

All of the sadness that she kept inside

Tears in her eyes, tears that she tried to hide

She couldn't tell him that she was living a lie

He never knew how much she had tried

He was lost in the depth of his own atrocities

And so he would push her further away

Until there was no one left to hurt but me

They could love each other

Through the chaos and rain

They could be together

Through the sorrow and pain

They could love each other

Through the lonely days

They could be together

They could make this last forever

Words of loss

Carried off into the bitter and cold wind

You've been gone away for so long

Now there's ice covering the trees

And it's January once again

These feelings of loss

They come on so deep and so strong

I want you to know how much I loved you

My friend

I knew this day would come all along

They broke your body

They left a hole in your heart

They killed your brain

There never was going to be an end

There never was a way to get back home

The tears that came in waves

Dissolving deep within the rain

I was the only one left

The one who wouldn't leave you wrecked and alone

I held your head up

Through the pain and the darkest days

All that's left behind is the memory

Bodies underneath beds of roses and stone

The days and the weeks went by

The months, and then the years too

And in the winding down hours

All I could think about is a deep ocean of blue

And all the tragedy and pain it could devour

I watched you fall

I can still feel you

When it felt like I was slipping further away

I can still see you

Smiling in the Sunlight

It's time to lay your memory to rest

Take this belt in my hand, to try out this long running suicide

And I'm not feeling anymore alive, even after the pressure subsides

Sometimes I think this world deserves it's deicide

So fuck your way inside & black out the Sunlight

Filled up my heart with sludge, dirt, and grime

I've got no patience to search for peace of mind

I need the high, breathe in & sigh, to kill all the pain inside

It's all worn out, with no revelations left to find

 

Tell me another lie my darling, please don't be shy

Because these acid laced tears have made it too painful to cry

I don't really care at all, and I don't give a shit as to why

Out in this chaos I'm lost anyway, so I'll just let you decide

Because it turns out this disease is anything but benign

Degraded I fall, I've traded it all, so I don't want to hear your lies

You can always move on, you can always be gone, and pretend that you were always fine

It's all just made up, and it's never enough, in exile I'll remain, in exile I'll reside

 

No one here, that cares anymore

Too far gone, to know what I'm even doing this for

Just tell me once again how I do it to myself

Because I don't ever want your fucking help

This cancer now eats me alive

The self-harm that I justify

 

This place of worship now crawling with liars, thieves, & whores

We can't ever go back to the lie we were before

Underneath, the rats tear another hole while they feed upon the floor

I'm beaten, broken & jaded down to my core

Now that I'm older I've become a fucking bore

And this isn't something I have the strength to face anymore

I could see myself falling in love with her

Wayward at Sea for so long & searching for shelter

Elusive, the shadows of her heart

Within them I'm stranded in the dark

I'm ready to give up on all this heartbreak

And speak to you all these words I need to say

Still, it feels like I just don't belong here

The ugliness of age all I see in the mirror

Beautiful, the spark that lights up your eyes

But honey, I'm pitch black inside

So maybe you'll find me someday

Under grey skies & November rain

Through the mist sullen & somber

I can't live like this for much longer

Hold me now so I'm not alone

And give my heartache a place to call home

You break me down all over again

Disregard everything that keeps me in pain

There's an emptiness to this hate for you within

Stand alone here under the Rose City rain

I'm wandering aimlessly back into the Fall

And you're empathy is nowhere to be found

Still I see your silhouette in the back of the hall

All that's left of us you've buried deep into the ground

So pour your salt into my wounds

Cut me down with words like razorblades

Woman I wish you'd just find the courage to choose

Making sure I'm the one who carries the weight of the blame

With you the thrill of heartbreak is just a game

Despite all my desperation dissolving into loss

It's one that I'll always come back and play

Ignore the flashing lights of every redline you've crossed

I'll take the memories of you with me into my grave

We'll never know what we left behind now that it's over

But this toxicity is something I can no longer take

I'll miss the heart you had beating in your chest long before

The one I once loved, the one I once proudly laid claim

Coated in sugar

You pressed your lips

Sweetly, onto mine

And fed me a Star

My darling

It's not long we're alive

Meteorites flashing out

Brilliant & bright

So place your heartbeat

Here next to mine

Because I'm broken & lonely, too.

Everything I've survived

The spirals into suicide

It's time to know

I face this all alone

Tired of being jaded

The pain overrated

I want to smile again

And feel something within

Such a beautiful work of art

The scarred & broken heart

I wish you were here today

To hold me through the rain

You're the only one who can see

The better version of me

I take this gift

Of the darkness you unlift

You place me up above

And light the pathway back to love

So remember, my dear

It's not long that we're here

So it's here I want to stay

Forever & always

I stand here alone

As black waves crash into shore

And I feel like I'm ready

To let them wash me away

Back out to Sea

Not even the Armadas

Can save me from this

You reach out a desperate hand

But mine stays at my side

Beneath the surface

Majestic in it's beauty

Fading into darkness

The Sunlight scared away

From what lurks down here

Secrets & creatures

In the bioluminescence

An alluring contemptress

Striking in her beauty

Swallowing my heart

I give myself to her

Offering gifts of rarity

And overtures of appeasement

She shows me the way

Through the hidden passageways

Now here, laid to rest

I succumb peacefully

Into the womb of fate

Manic-ness crawling

Like arachnids beneath the skin

As panic blooms in my head all over again

Distinctive loss of control

I can feel this twisted embrace taking hold

Spinning tangled and treacherous webs

Trapped in a silken cocoon of death

Spider legs closing around me

Running out of air to breathe

Fangs pierce the skin and envenomate

Paralyzed, her fever seals in my fate

Blackness slowly enveloping my heart

My exoskeleton left drifting in the dark

Still, it's more that I crave

Desperate for just one more taste

Now that she's liquified

Everything inside

In bittersweet toxicity

The widow black as night

Begins to eat me alive

Rivers run with tears of the broken

No more the damaged heart left wide and open

You're fading out, emotionless

The Ocean of hopelessness

Memories of December

Echoes of the embers

Diseased and jaded

We bury the ashes of the emaciated

Paint over the long suicide

Beneath the surface where I reside

Along the burning bridges of hope

Is my afterlife, lonely and cold

Through endless boneyards

Lay death beneath the stars

Stirring barrels in Hell to stay warm

Find no shelter within the storm

The rain falls with violence

And pain absolves into silence

Black waves overcome the shore

Withering away what once came before

Decomposing sentience

Sins and their sentence

My mind surrounded in the predation of doubt

The sustenance I go without

Even in my dreams now from the depths it stares

Wicked are the prayers

When alive is the nightmare

Take a look at yourself

And render me diseased and unwell

Does it make you feel alive?

To hold all your hate deep inside

I carry the weight for you

I take the blame for you

Tell me would you do the same for me?

On my suffering you feed

I've been down for awhile

This temple I've defiled

For all your abuse I atone

With ritual beatings and broken bones

In this I can longer believe

So I separate and set myself free

Stoke the fires of what we were

And sweep away the embers of hurt

Bury the ashes of shame

To absolve myself of the blame

Now I'm moving on and breaking the cycle

For far too long we've been mired in denial

Burn the bridge and sabotage it all

I'm here to watch you fall

She's like sweet nectarine

The cure for this disease

I'm taking chances

With playful glances

Into emeralds for eyes

Such a beautiful crime

Stealing a broken heart

To place it within the Stars

Now go for the kill

Heat up the chill

Be my reason, be my rhyme

And paint your fire in my sky

Feel so peaceful

Grey skies conceal the hurtful

Feeling so alive

Somber pain of mine

The end of my road

The end of the cold

In my head

How the days go by

Be still, thy heart unkind

Autumn is different here

I face my worst fears

Under the Puget moonlight

A perfect night to rewind

Still it all feels too late

Too soon to let go of blame

Beautiful city lights

An intoxicating night

So bleed

Let it pour like Seattle rain

Love is fire in your eyes

Love is cold & empty

Love is forever

Love is temporary

Love is sweet

Love is bitter

Love is everything

Love is nothing

Love is a letter

Love is left in the dark

Love is bliss

Love is wretched

Love is endless

Love is over

Love is at peace

Love is at war

Love is obsession

Love is rejection

Love is alive

Love is dead

Love is within

Love is the enemy

Love is above

Love is the nadir

Love is true

Love is the ghost of you

On my pages, the set pieces grandiose

A canvas for the chaos swirling in my head

I tell myself if I reach one person it's enough

To keep drawing my sword for the war

But little do they know of the battle I face, all alone

Desecrated self-worth behind a facade of bleeding prose

I survive on the scraps thrown out into the back alley

And I paint the Sunset over my own nadir

Alluring is the pull of the word suicide

Though we must sweep it under the crevices and cracks

Nothing inside screams for me to languish here

With a broken body and a manic mind

Spend this token to delay what's ahead in the distance

I won't pretend this story has a happy ending

Still I awake and lay my feet upon the Earthen floor

The more you beat me down the more I press on

To cheers from the crowd, this would normally elicit

But in the moment it still feels like nothing to me

My heart just isn't in it anymore

Stranded out in the coldest throes of Summer

And not yet even the promise of Autumn, still sets my heart aflame

Sullen, I pour my pain into these words

Open your eyes, great Leviathan

Because the World is falling away again

Under the blackened skies

And the crashing Ocean tides

Fill up on the damned and dead when you're hungry

Because in the depths of our hearts it's grown cold and ugly

So we find there's no easy way out and nowhere to hide

Realigned now we've drawn our shields against the Sunlight

It's time to make this world a better place for everyone

Stone by stone rebuild the foundations of unconditional love

For now I hope you see, we're nothing more than human

Making plans for enemies

Radiated, the killing fields blooming

Straying further out of sanity

Praying for deliverance from the burning embers of evil

Longing for something true when it hurts too much to feel

So where are you now, King of the creatures?

Breathe in flames evermore to protect the meek and meager

Swallow up the worst of minds with your waves and thunder

When it's said and done sink back into your home deep usunder

Now let us take hold of the great secrets and the sacred

And break the chains that hold us in bondage and hatred

Your tears had gone away

Let them fall like Seattle rain

This emptiness defines me

This emptiness reminds me

This emptiness denies me

This emptiness inside me

 

This emptiness leaves me hollow

This emptiness feeds my sorrow

This emptiness creeping slow

This emptiness hidden within the snow

 

This loneliness is cold and apathetic

This loneliness is sympathetic

This loneliness is fake and cosmetic

This loneliness is sterile and synthetic

 

This loneliness is written in poetic verse

This loneliness is a field on fire left free to burn

This loneliness is the loss of self-worth

This loneliness is the longing for rebirth

 

This sadness is a decaying rose

This sadness is mine, and mine alone

This sadness is the thousandth suicide note

This sadness is the tragic letter left to unfold

 

This sadness is the lonely child at play

This sadness is a long gone day

This sadness is how the Sun begins to fade

This sadness is the embrace of the falling rain

Under the Weeping Willow

There are secrets I hide

Within Stars above the night

The poison and the pain

Thunder crashing through the rain

 

Under the Weeping Willow

The long dormant heart beats again

And the fire reignites within

Still it's something so cold

Down in the depths of my bones

 

Under the Weeping Willow

I find comfort in December

Oh, the kiss I remember

Dissolve into the memory

Of a moment disembodied

 

Under the Weeping Willow

The long dark

Fallen, so far

Drawn into a magnetar

All the broken hearts

 

Under the Weeping Willow

Her branches growing thin

Winter touches the skin

The allure of regress

The illusion of progress

 

Under the Weeping Willow

I Hold up my head

Between whispy shadows

Sweet Sunlight bleeding through

Warmth and light that finds you again

I don't know if I'll ever find my place

Because this is all too much to face

I know one day I'll fade

Finally overcome by all this pain

 

There's nothing left to save

I can't count on you to stay

Drowning in seas of shame

Sewn in is the blame

 

So I'll survive another day

But my mind is already made

Swallow down the pills

That keep this contained

I know this will end in tragedy

 

And I'm lost without you

A voice with nothing left to say

I'm used, black and blue

A life that's lived all the same

I'm alone, sick and unwell

I find comfort in the rain and cold

And I'm too numb to feel

 

Maybe one day I'll find my way

Maybe one day I'll love myself again

Maybe one day I'll show another smile

Maybe one day I won't be a broken man