u/KitCatNation

Thank you all for the great suggestions the last time I posted my query! I've incorporated many of the wonderful suggestions I received. I cannot express how helpful this back and forth has been.

Please let me know what you like/don't like about the query. You can be as brutal as possible. I'd love to publish this book, so I need the query to be as good as possible.

Dear [Agent],

For the past decade, Brenn Atgorvi has honed her hatred of the Fae and trained in darkness. She’s learned how to slit a Fae’s throat in close-combat, how to track monsters blind through underground tunnels, and how to hide her deadly skill behind a meekness the Fae dismiss. All of it, she’s done for one reason: to enter the Vanari—a brutal team-based hunting competition hosted by a tyrannical king, the Rex Nocti. The prize? Glory, survival—and a personal favor from the Rex Nocti himself.

For Brenn and her team, that favor is survival. A wasting disease is slowly eradicating the underground human population, and treatment exists, but only the Rex Nocti can grant them access to it. The disease has already claimed the life of her father, and when her sister falls ill, Brenn realizes there is nothing she wouldn’t do to obtain the cure—even if it means accepting the help of a mad Fae prince she neither trusts nor understands.

Time is running out for Brenn and her team to catch a phoenix, and a continent laden with monsters stands in her way. As Brenn and her team battle through vengeful Fae, murderous kelpies, and secret-stealing trolls, Brenn is forced to confront her greatest secret: her half-Fae heritage. To lead her team to victory, Brenn must decide whether to embrace the very blood she hates—or die clinging to it.

THE TRACKER is a 110,000-word adult fantasy standalone with series potential, combining the deadly competition of Immortal Longings by Chloe Gong with the dark, morally complex Fae world of Nettle & Bone by T. Kingfisher.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be thrilled to send the full manuscript at your request.

Regards,

Catherine Lynch

[First 300 Words]

Brenn paced the width of the underground tunnel like a strategist pondering her latest loss or—in Brenn’s case—figuring out how to pray with wavering faith and a penchant for spite.

You better keep her safe, Brenn threw to the absent goddess.

No. Threatening definitely wasn’t the right way to prostrate herself to the Mother. But she couldn’t find the will to care with her patience waning. 

Her sister was late.

Ziggs was supposed to meet Brenn at the butcher’s shop an hour ago after she finished her shift on the morning Hunt. Be there at five bells and don’t be late, Ziggs had chided. You’re always late.

And so, Brenn arrived at the butcher’s shop on time, bristled by the teenager’s insult. And perhaps it would have been great to gloat, if the small voice in her head didn’t remind her that the Fae had slaughtered three hunters in the past two months.

Brenn cast her eyes to the red-clay ceiling. Damn this.

Living permanently underground usually did not allow for claustrophobia, but as the seconds ticked on, Brenn could feel the walls closing in.

She should’ve never allowed Takoda to convince her that Ziggs should join the Hunt. She should’ve forbidden Ziggs from going Above. She should’ve spent more time teaching Ziggs how to kill the Fae. Mother’s blood, Ziggs might not even fight back if they tried to take her. She was too young. Too soft. Now she could be dead, or captured and pawned off in some Autumnus Aula city forced to participate in—

A low rumble filled the tunnel. Light glinted off a minecart brimming with game as Ziggs pushed it along metal tracks. A cage teetered precariously atop the mound of fur. The brown rat inside squealed.

For the first time in the past hour, Brenn sucked in a full breath.

Hello! Thank you all for your wonderful comments the first time! This is my second query attempt and this time I've included the first 300 words. Please let me know what I can change to improve.

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for my adult fantasy novel, THE TRACKER, complete at 110,000 words. THE TRACKER is a standalone with series potential. This novel is written for fans of Immortal Longings by Chloe Gong and Nettle & Bone by T. Kingfisher combining the deadly competition and dark Fae politics of each book to force brutal moral choices against a backdrop of desperation and survival.

For the past decade, Brenn Atgorvi has trained in darkness. She’s learned how to slit a Fae’s throat in close-combat, how to track monsters blind through underground tunnels, and how hide her deadly skill behind a meekness the Fae overlook. All of it, she’s done for one reason: to enter the Vanari—a brutal hunting competition hosted by the vicious almighty king, the Rex Nocti. The prize? Glory, survival—and a personal favor from the Rex Nocti himself.

For Brenn, that favor is the only way to obtain a rare treatment for a wasting disease slowly eradicating the underground human population. The deadly disease has already claimed the life of her father, and after her sister falls ill, Brenn realizes there is nothing she wouldn’t trade to obtain the treatment.

But the world beyond the underground is foreign to Brenn, as she soon finds herself caught between jealous princes, vengeful Fae, and a prophecy foretelling her death. Time is running out to catch a creature that isn’t supposed to exist, and a continent laden with monsters stands in her way. Brenn must lead her team to victory before another team secures it first. The only problem: she becomes entangled in secrets that are now her responsibility to protect.

And should those secrets spill, so shall her blood.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be thrilled to send the full manuscript at your request.

__

Brenn paced the width of the underground tunnel like a strategist pondering her latest loss or—in Brenn’s case—figuring out how to pray to a goddess with wavering faith, a penchant for spite, and an empty stomach.

You better keep her safe, Brenn threw her thoughts to the absent goddess.

No. Threatening definitely wasn’t the right way to prostrate herself to the Mother. But she couldn’t find the will to care with her patience waning. 

Her sister was late.

Ziggs was supposed to meet Brenn at the butcher’s shop an hour ago after she finished her shift on the morning Hunt. Be there at five bells and don’t be late, Ziggs had chided. You’re always late.

And so, Brenn was at the butcher’s shop on time, bristled by the teenager’s insult. And perhaps it would have been great to gloat, if the small voice in her head didn’t remind her that the Fae had slaughtered three hunters in the past two months.

Brenn cast her eyes to the red-clay tunnel ceiling. Damn this.

Living permanently underground usually did not allow for claustrophobia, but as the seconds ticked on, Brenn could feel the walls closing in around her.

She should never have allowed Ziggs to join the Hunt. No one knew the dangers of the Fae better than Brenn. Takoda, the Hunt’s leader, had been the one to convince her that Ziggs’s rare talent for trapping was too vital to be wasted.

She shouldn’t have listened. She should’ve forbidden Ziggs from going Above and spent more time imparting on Ziggs her knowledge on how to kill Fae despite her sister’s vehement disapproval of learning such skills. Now, Ziggs could be dead or captured and pawned off in an Autumnus Aula city forced to participate in—

A low rumble filled the tunnel.

Hi Readers,

I'm looking for beta readers to read my completed and edited manuscript for an adult fantasy novel with a romance subplot.

The plot:

For the past decade, Brenn Atgorvi has trained in darkness. She’s learned how to slit a Fae’s throat in close-combat, how to track monsters blind through underground tunnels, and how to hide her deadly skills beneath a meekness the Fae cannot see through. All of it, she’s done for one reason: to enter the Vanari—a brutal hunting competition hosted by the vicious almighty king, the Rex Nocti.

The Vanari begins with a riddle and ends with a favor. Its rules are simple: teams of four must traverse the monster-ridden continent and bring back a live quarry of the king’s choosing. The prize? Glory, survival—and a personal favor from the Rex Nocti himself. For Brenn, that favor is the only way to obtain a rare treatment for the Rosa Virus—a wasting disease slowly eradicating the underground human population. The deadly disease has already claimed the life of her father, and after her sister falls ill, Brenn realizes there is nothing she wouldn’t trade to obtain the treatment.

But Brenn is not the only one desperate for victory. The competing Seasonal Fae teams will kill to win. The kelpies, trolls, and sirens roaming the continent will kill for sport. And the Rex Nocti? He has a goddess to destroy—and the creature he’s sent Brenn and her team to capture might be the only way to create the weapon he desperately needs to maintain his power.

As Brenn and her team are pushed past their limits, she must decide how much of her humanity she is willing to sacrifice to survive— and whether the Rex Nocti's prize of a favor is worth the cost of bearing secrets that are now her responsibility to protect.

For should those secret spill, so shall her blood.

__

This is the first book in a four book series. Three are written and I'm working on the fourth now. This book is the equivalent of if An Ember in the Ashes had a baby with the Hunger Games.

This has gone through numerous rounds of beta reading already. From my view, it's close to being ready to be queried. Let me know if you're interested and I can send you the manuscript. I'm looking for people who are willing to give me their genuine reactions. I want to know what you like and what you don't. I also want to know if you spot any plot holes. I've been working on this novel for years so it's difficult for me to see them now.

Thanks!

P.S. if you think there are things I can fix with my summary please let me know those too!